Greetings of the Day from Billy Loves Stu

William Holbrook Beard - Carving The Turkey 1881

Beyonce as a Final Girl: Lessons Learned from Obsessed

NOTE: Back in June of 2007, I was in Hollywood, and like all good tourists I took a lot of tours. One my sojourns took me to a sound-stage on the Sony Picture's lot. Said sound-stage was where, my tour group was told, a "thriller" starring Beyonce Knowles and Jerry O'Connell was being filmed. We got the chance to tour the set and meet some of the crew. Today, I finally got to see that movie, Obsessed, and, boy howdy, did it suck. that's right sucker, I want top billing!

• Obsessed claims to be an erotic thriller; it is neither.
• That unsteady floor board in the attic that we are made aware of thirty seconds into the film, is going to come in handy later on, trust me!
• The new temp, a blond with great legs, is going to make every red-blooded male at her office turn into a misogynistic douche bag who will utter things like, "Damn! Where did she come from?!?!"
• Idris Elba, should have had more shirtless scenes, I'm just sayin' is all.

• The screenwriters seemed to have borrowed liberally from Play Misty for Me and Fatal Attraction - and yet, even with those two films as boilerplate's, they could not make Obsessed the least bit suspenseful.
• The token gay character in this movie is a spineless, gossiping, twit.
  
• Jerry O'Conell is a pretty bad actor.
• It looks like Taylor Scout Compton is really good at playing babysitters, especially stupid babysitters. Guess what she plays in Obsessed?
• Christine Lahti must have needed a paycheck, bad!
• Apparently, an upper middle class African American woman will instantly revert to a trash talking, head bobbing hell cat when confronted by a delusional nut case who is in love with her husband.
  
• The cat fight at the end of this movie, is THE ONLY reason to watch Obsessed.

Thursday Night Beefcake: American Psycho Style

My name is Patrick Bateman. I'm 27 years old. I believe in taking care of myself and a balanced diet and rigorous exercise routine.

Movie Poster Madness: The Best of 2009

It's turned out to be a pretty decent year for horror films, here are the posters to some of my faves released this year:

Though we had to wait a couple of years for Trick 'r Treat, it was worth it. A grab bag of treats, this is The Halloween Movie a lot of us have been craving.

Another one that was worth the wait. Though we had to sit around until the American remake, Quarantine, played out - seeing REC was a mind blower. One of the two films I saw this year that really got under my skin.

Subtlety, thy name is The House of the Devil. This brilliant thriller, an homage to late 70's / early 80's Satanic cinema was a veritable love letter to horror film fans.

A flawless exploration of motherhood, madness and zombie babies ... it does not get better than Grace.

Fun comes back to horror! Drag Me to Hell was a gory, silly, madcap romp that, despite it's manic energy, seemed to be the perfect story for a country finding itself sinking deeper into financial ruin. Or maybe, I was just reading too much into it.

Sickening and misogynistic to the nth degree, Deadgirl was also deeply disturbing, and very well made. I wanted to take a shower after I watched it.

Last, but not least, Paranormal Activity the other film that got under my skin ... and made me go around turning all the lights on when I was through.

Inside Carrie White's Bedroom

Ever wondered what you would find in the bedroom of that mousy girl who lives in that dingy little house with her crazy mother?

Wonder no more

1: Picture of Bates High's BMOC, Tommy Ross, cut out of last week's newspaper's sports section.

2: Mirror cracked recently when Carrie had a mini-telekinetic-meltdown.

3: Scary picture of Jesus that Mama mail ordered from from a company called Opus Dei Direct.

4: A copy of Pat Boone's A Miracle a Day Keeps the Devil Away by  can be found under Carrie's bed.

5: A dog eared copy of Judy Blume's Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. is stashed away in this drawer.

6: A small collection of cosmetics from the local drug store are hidden under the Madonna and Child night light on this table.

7: Transistor radio that picks up Wolfman Jack's show late at night.

8: Latest issues of Rolling Stone can be found behind this dresser.

9: A pamphlet detailing what to expect when a young woman get's her first period called, You Are Growing Up, can be found in the center of this history text book.  The pamphlet was given to Carrie by her gym teacher, Miss Collins.

10: One very uncomfortable bed.

From the Blairstown New Jersey Gazette, May 1st, 1980

CLICK THE IMAGE TO READ!

MOVIE POSTER MADNESS: Send In the Clowns Edition

Don't you love farce?

My fault I fear.

I thought that you'd want what I want.

Sorry, my dear.

But where are the clowns?

Quick, send in the clowns.

Don't bother, they're here.