Victim: Carl, the well dressed frat boy from Avalon Bay College in Avalon Bay, New Jersey.
Film: The Prowler.
Hunk Factor: A yuppie with a sense of style, a great head of hair, and a gorgeous smile - what's not to like about Carl? True, he was a member of Avalon Bay College's Young Republican Club, but we can forgive him that fact as he was just as cute as a button, and had a nice butt that always looked good in a well pressed pair of Farah slacks.
Dispatched By: A rather long bowie knife plunged into his skull by some guy in a gas mask wearing a soldier's uniform.
Victim: Unnamed Gas Station Attendant located at the Mobil off of the 101 freeway near Mulholland Drive, past Woodland Hills, Ca.
Film: Messiah of Evil (aka Dead People).
Hunk Factor: Lets face facts, sometimes you just gotta have a greasy guy who is good with his hands - the type of fella who can change the oil, tighten up the brakes and align the tires. Furthermore, you will want one like this; with his pug nose and square jaw - sure he's a little dirty, but you can be sure he cleans up just fine!
Hunk Factor: Not since Ron Grady of Elm Street, have we come across such a hot slab of meat. AJ's a randy Frat boy who loves the ladies and is not afraid of a little adventure. He looks good in his tight black undies, and he's got one rockin' head of hair! When he sets his eyes on the oddly sexy stripper, Katrina, he comes down with a supernatural case of jungle fever that would, sadly, prove to be his undoing.
Dispatched by: A flesh eating, crazy vampire who looks a lot like Grace Jones.
1980's Prom Night, the goofy slasher movie that was recently remade as an inept slasher movie, is the kind of film you watch when you need a laugh. The plot is paper thin, the acting less than stellar, and the ending is so predictable, you'll have it figured out before the opening credits end.
There are only two reasons to watch Prom Night.
Reason one: To see Jamie Lee Curtis shake her grove thing (more on that later).
Reason two: To oggle the cute guys from a bygone era, when the hair was feathered or permed, the pants were tight, and the hormones were in over drive...let's take a look at some of these fine young men, shall we?
First up is Drew, the bleary eyed stud with only one thing on his mind. Drew is dating a virgin, and he's getting a case of blue balls because of that...everytime she say's "no", it just makes Drew crazier...
...dude, watch the hand! Oh well, I am pretty sure that Drew is gonna strike out tonight, but that's OK, cause their are plenty of more fish in the sea.
Next up is, Alex. Alex is a quiet, sensitive guy. He's also a DJ, he is what he plays! But wait, he's still not over the death of his little sister, no sir, he's still working on coming to grips with that...maybe all he needs is the right girl (or guy) to get over his sadness, maybe he needs someone really special, like a therapist.
Right then ladies, make way for Nick, the disco dancing fool. Nick never misses an episode of Dance Fever, and he's seen Saturday Night Fever at least twenty times. But don't let that fool you, Nick's dealing with some issues from his past, it might just be eating him alive. But nonetheless once the needle drops on the record and the rhythm takes over, Nick can burn up a dance floor!
Lou's a real douche bag, no doubt. But he's got a fine arse, and everyone likes a guy who can wear patched jeans and get away with it - nope nothing wrong with a bad boy whose got a little junk in the trunk. Trouble is, Lou's temper might cause him to loose his head.
And then there's this guy, the sinewy lad running around with an axe trying to kill everyone's buzz on prom night. What's his problem? And, whats up with that glittery mask?
Whoa, I guess this school doesn't have a metal detector, because someone is packing some major guns here. Not sure what this bad boy's name is, but uh, yummy, yummy, let's just keep an eye on him, shall we?
And finally, who is the wolf in the Qiana shirt?
*****
And that's about it for Prom Night, oh sure, you should check it out, it's worth a quick look, but frankly it is kind of lame. Still though, if you want to see some eye candy, and have a chukle, then by all means, go for it...oh and one more thing, wait until you see Jamie Lee dance!
Hunk Factor: Where to begin? The blow dried, head of feathered hair? The "aw - shucks" smile, the Brooks Brother's suit he wears while wandering about the Morningside Mausoleum...
...or the way he can rock that leather jacket while looking under the hood of a car...
...or the way he gracefully rides a bicycle down the street, gliding along like a zephyr...
...and how about that devil-may-care-rock-and-roll-attitude...
...It's that attitude that made him a hit with the ladies; even if said lady was a shape shifting/demon/alien/something or other...
...you have to love who guy who can get a woman's underwear off with his teeth, that's an art!
Did I mention that perky little arse of his? Boy Howdy!
Dispatched by: Well, actually he's already dead, see his kid brother has been dreaming everything and...oh well, watch the movie to figure it out.
Hunk Factor: This earnest son of Western Pennsylvania was a likable guy who always tried to be the voice of reason. Though short in stature, Tom (we don't know his last name), had a big heart, as well as nice arms, a beefy bubble butt, and a "can do" attitude that probably served him well at the 4H Club in Evans City. Tom was devoted to his girlfriend, Judy, who always seemed to have a smile for him - and how hard would that have been, to have a smile for Tom.
Dispatched by: An explosion of the truck he was trying to gas up .
Hunk Factor: Blue eyes, blond hair, baby face ... you just can't get any prettier than Ed Getley...look at how he makes that modified mullet and that Members Only jacket work! Check out the unbuttoned shirt showing just the slightest tuft of chest hair. Oh and just wait till he flashes that crooked little half smile...sigh, this guy could sell ice to an Eskimo (and that's going to come in handy, wait and see!). Granted he seems a bit light in the loafers, and his girl friend, Annie, is kind of dykey; but hey, that's what makes their relationship so ... special. If only she had listened to him and decided not to go to her parent's cabin in the woods with that damn Book of the Dead - you see, Ed wanted to go to New York City to see the revival of Follies, and then maybe out for drinks ... oh well, you all know what happens next. Possessed by: a Candarian demon.
Dispatched by: an axe to the head...AND THEN...
Reincarnated as: A QVC host! played by Richard Domeier
Hunk Factor: Baby faced yuppie scum, cocky attitude, a great sense of personal style, bit of a lush, likes to smoke big fat Cuban cigars, mistakes people for other people, gets reservations at Dorisa, probably hung like a horse, has no real appreciation for Huey Lewis and the News...Dispatched by: Fellow yuppie scum, Patrick Bateman and his big old silver axe!
