Let Us Now Pause to Drool : Jason Stackhouse

Dumber than dirt, possible werepanther, lawman, horn dog, and all around bad boy; Jason Stackhouse (played by Ryan Kwanten) is True Blood's reigning skin flasher.

It seems that since True Blood appeared, Kwanten's contract stipulated he be in various stages of undress at least once an episode...

...no complaints there.

Inasmuch as Jason is one of the few mortals (so far) in Bon Temp, he still has had more than one brush with the supernatural, and that, and his unquenchable libido, is always fodder for a sexy misadventure.

Even when he found Jesus, and joined the "Fellowship of The Sun", Jason still showed off those abs, and managed an liaison with a preacher's wife. 

Yeah, he's one lovable dofus, who could resist a romp with this redneck...and at least, in a town like Bon Temp, with Jason Stackhouse, what you see is what you get (provided that werepanther bite doesn't turn him).

Let us Now Pause to Drool : Alcide Herveaux

Note: I dedicate this posting to Christine Hadden

True Blood's ultimate slab of meat has to be that werewolf with a heart of gold, Alicide Herveaux.

I suspect that it's totally OK to drool over this subject since he's ... well, he's so damn drool worthy.

Played by Mr. Joe Manganiello, Alcide is probably the most ripped specimen on HBO's supernatural soap opera.

 Of course, to gain that body, Joe has to work hard...wouldn't you like to be his spotter at the gym?   Hey, hey, eyes up here!

As this photo (courtesy of True Blood High) shows us, a modern day werewolf need pants that will not only accentuate his gams, but be easily removable when it's time to shift.

Even GQ took notice of our lycanthropic heart-throb!

 The rear-view is also quite nice.

See, this is how a werewolf prepares to shift...and it might also get him a job at Chippendales.

 So what if he might tear open your throat and eat you alive in a fit of passion, don't you think it would be worth it?

 I figure a flea collar, some silver bullets (to be safe) and some Alpo is a small price to pay.

The Bad Boys of Bon Temp

 In honor of the new season of True Blood, a little something to whet your appetite from last year:

I once heard HBO's vampire soap opera, True Blood, referred to as, "The closest thing to prime-time-soft-core-gay-porn out there".  I don't know If I'd go that far - but since series creator, Alan Ball does play for my team, I can't help but notice that the ratio of bare chests to boob shots is pretty much off the charts (with the bare chests vastly showing up more than any boobage).  With that in mind, let's take a look at some of the hunky werewolves, vampires, shape shifters and mortal bad boys of Bon Temp Louisiana.

Jason Stackhouse: Dumb as dirt, hornier than hell, and hotter than Georgia asphalt, Jason Stackhouse is Bon Temp's resident hot blooded stud.  Honestly, I do believe that Ryan Kwanten's contract stipulates that he must go bare ass and shirtless at least once an episode - no complaints!

Lafayette Reynolds: Fierce, fashionable, flamboyant, and tough enough to kick any red neck who get's all up in his business, Lafayette is the troubled yet compassionate bad boy who works as a short order cook, and sells "V" on the side. Three cheers to Nelsan Ellis for taking the gay stereotype and playing it a whole other way.

"Eggs" Benedict Talley:  "Satan in a Sunday Hat" indeed.  Eggs was the brief but unforgettable lover of Tara.  Sadly he was under the spell of an evil maenad, and was killed off.  He was played by former Calvin Klein underwear model, Mehcad Brooks. 

 

Hoyt Fortenberry:  Hoyt was a Mama's boy, that was until his mom went crazy thanks to the afore mentioned evil maenad - and then, after the maenad's spell was broken, Hoyt's mama further alienated her son when she dissed his vampire girlfriend.  Poor Hoyt, such a lovable big galoot!  Played charmingly by Jim Parrack.

Bill Compton:  A southern gentleman vampire, Mr. Compton is polite, and charming.  Eventually he wins the heart of True Blood's heroine, waitress, Sookie Stackhouse (Anna Paquin), and despite all of his seemingly honorable intentions, brings a world of trouble into Sookie's life. That said, who could deny Bill, and his hairy chest, anything he might want.  Bill Compton is played by Stephen Moyer.

Eric Northman: The Yin to Bill Compton's Yang, Eric Northman is a a greedy, manipulative, vampire who dates back to the Norse Vikings .  Currently he runs a "fang bangers" bar that serves as a front for some seedier operations. So blond, so evil and so irresistible ... played to perfections by Alexander Skarsgård.

Sam Merlotte:  The say all men are dogs, and in Sam's case, they'd be right.  Actually, sexy Sam is a shape shifter, but his preferred shape to shift in to would be that of a cuddly little dog .  Dependable, likable and the proprietor Bon Temp's favorite watering hole, Merlottes, sometimes you can find Sam runing through the woods naked as the day he was born...

...furthermore, Sam recently had a dream about Bill Compton that ended rather abruptly...

...just before the shifter and blood sucker were going to kiss...sigh.  Sam is played by Sam Trammell.

Alcide Herveaux: Behold Bon Temp's newest slab of sex!  Alcide is a werewolf with a heart of gold, and like his Bon Temp brethren, is prone to take his shirt off at a moment's notice!  Damn, draw blood! Played by Joe Manganiello

Why Bill Compton, What a Sweet Bum You Have...

The latest issue of Rolling Stone features the three main actors of HBO's True Blood, nekid and bloody!

Anna Paquin, Stephen Moyer and Alexander Skarsgard (Sookie, Bill and Eric for those in the know), appear sprayed in blood and not much else on the cover of RS hitting newsstands today (August 17th, 2010).

Of special interest to yours truly, is Mr. Moyer's arse - damn, that's a fine tuckus if you ask me!

My only complaint?  Why couldn't Jason Stackhouse (Ryan Kwanten) been the meat in this bloody, fleshy sandwich?

 Until such a time, this should hold you over...

...oh, and one more thing.  The Rolling Stone cover read's "They're Hot, They're Sexy, They're Undead";  a witty riff on the cover RS published back in the early 80's during the Jim Morrison fascination.

The Bad Boys of Bon Temp

I once heard HBO's vampire soap opera, True Blood, referred to as, "The closest thing to prime-time-soft-core-gay-porn out there".  I don't know If I'd go that far - but since series creator, Alan Ball does play for my team, I can't help but notice that the ratio of bare chests to boob shots is pretty much off the charts (with the bare chests vastly showing up more than any boobage).  With that in mind, let's take a look at some of the hunky werewolves, vampires, shape shifters and mortal bad boys of Bon Temp Louisiana.

Jason Stackhouse: Dumb as dirt, hornier than hell, and hotter than Georgia asphalt, Jason Stackhouse is Bon Temp's resident hot blooded stud.  Honestly, I do believe that Ryan Kwanten's contract stipulates that he must go bare ass and shirtless at least once an episode - no complaints!

Lafayette Reynolds: Fierce, fashionable, flamboyant, and tough enough to kick any red neck who get's all up in his business, Lafayette is the troubled yet compassionate bad boy who works as a short order cook, and sells "V" on the side. Three cheers to Nelsan Ellis for taking the gay stereotype and playing it a whole other way.

"Eggs" Benedict Talley:  "Satan in a Sunday Hat" indeed.  Eggs was the brief but unforgettable lover of Tara.  Sadly he was under the spell of an evil maenad, and was killed off.  He was played by former Calvin Klein underwear model, Mehcad Brooks. 

 

Hoyt Fortenberry:  Hoyt was a Mama's boy, that was until his mom went crazy thanks to the afore mentioned evil maenad - and then, after the maenad's spell was broken, Hoyt's mama further alienated her son when she dissed his vampire girlfriend.  Poor Hoyt, such a lovable big galoot!  Played charmingly by Jim Parrack.

Bill Compton:  A southern gentleman vampire, Mr. Compton is polite, and charming.  Eventually he wins the heart of True Blood's heroine, waitress, Sookie Stackhouse (Anna Paquin), and despite all of his seemingly honorable intentions, brings a world of trouble into Sookie's life. That said, who could deny Bill, and his hairy chest, anything he might want.  Bill Compton is played by Stephen Moyer.

Eric Northman: The Yin to Bill Compton's Yang, Eric Northman is a a greedy, manipulative, vampire who dates back to the Norse Vikings .  Currently he runs a "fang bangers" bar that serves as a front for some seedier operations. So blond, so evil and so irresistible ... played to perfections by Alexander Skarsgård.

Sam Merlotte:  The say all men are dogs, and in Sam's case, they'd be right.  Actually, sexy Sam is a shape shifter, but his preferred shape to shift in to would be that of a cuddly little dog .  Dependable, likable and the proprietor Bon Temp's favorite watering hole, Merlottes, sometimes you can find Sam runing through the woods naked as the day he was born...

...furthermore, Sam recently had a dream about Bill Compton that ended rather abruptly...

...just before the shifter and blood sucker were going to kiss...sigh.  Sam is played by Sam Trammell.

Alcide Herveaux: Behold Bon Temp's newest slab of sex!  Alcide is a werewolf with a heart of gold, and like his Bon Temp brethren, is prone to take his shirt off at a moment's notice!  Damn, draw blood! Played by Joe Manganiello

Homosexuality and Vampirism in True Blood

* looks like we are going to wrap up gay pride month here on a high note; Ladies and Gents, Jeanette Laredo, the one and only Monster Scholar of one of the better horror blogs out there, Monster Land, was kind enough to submit this posting about True Blood and it's ties to modern American Gay Life:

The third season of True Blood is back and burning up the horror blogosphere, and with Pax’s recent posting of Sam and Bill’s nudie dream escapades, it seems only right to explore the homoerotic undertones of everyone’s favorite HBO series. Though True Blood is not the first text to use the vampire as a stand in for homosexuality, it does do some new things to stretch the metaphor and comment on the current state of gay rights in the US.

The use of the vampire as a metaphor for homosexuality is anything but new. John Polidori, author of the first prose work of vampire fiction, wrote his vampire out of his own unrequited passion for Lord Byron, a playboy man of letters who spurned Polidori’s affections. Bram Stoker’s monster was also born out of a frustrated relationship the author had with actor Henry Irving. The description of Dracula as a creature with a high aquiline nose, domed forehead and bushy eyebrows is spot on for a portrait of Irving, and his increasingly outlandish demands on Stoker strained the author’s marriage. So, seeing as it’s been done before, what is so special about homosexuality in True Blood?

True Blood takes the metaphor of the vampire as a homosexual and uses it critique the current gay rights struggle. The vampires of True Blood (especially Bill) are represented as sympathetic sexual others who are persecuted by backwoods rednecks and the religious right. In the opening credits of the series, a lighted billboard can be seen that reads “God Hates Fangs” This indictment of vampires and their supporters is just one letter away away from the infamous religious group which calls themselves “God Hates Fags”

True Blood lampoons the intolerance of the religious right with its portrayal of Fellowship of the Sun and the Light of Day Institute, leaving no fundamental religious organization unscathed. The sexual hypocrisy of the Fellowship of the Sun is showcased with the wife of its leader, Sarah Newlin. Despite their mission to create a sanctified world free of vampires, Sarah doesn’t let her morals stand in the way of giving Jason Stackhouse a handjob in the tub (2:17 Never Let Me Go).

If the vampires of True Blood can be read as homosexual others, (vampires are described at the beginning of the series as having just “come out of the coffin”) then Bill’s efforts to mainstream can be seen as a gay man’s quest for heterosexual normalcy. He begins dating Sookie in an effort to blend in with the locals and abstains from drinking human blood. In one episode Bill nearly snacks on a bare chested man with hepatitis D brought to him by a nest of other vampires, but is warned thanks to Sookie’s mind reading ability. Afterwards Bill tries to make overtures on Sookie, but she refuses. Though Sookie tells Bill she is appalled by the other vampires’ cruelty, it is more likely she is repulsed by her new beau’s same-sex hungers.

True Blood also extends the vampire metaphor to a representation of racial others. The rednecks who kidnap Sookie at the Fellowship of the Sun Church (2:20 Timebomb) refer to the undead as “vamp-irs” with a pronunciation that imitates the common racial slur against black people. Then there is Lafayette, Merlotte’s fabulous fry cook, who encapsulates a racial and sexual threat to the dominant white, heterosexual order. This clash between heterosexual redneck-ery and homosexual/racial otherness can be seen when Layfayette takes on a couple of patrons who complain that their food has AIDS. The patrons are portrayed as stereotypical patriotic, racist rednecks and Layfayette comes out as the victor with the audience cheering for him all the way in a tour de force example of gay empowerment.

HBO’s True Blood breaks ground by using the vampire metaphor to criticize how gays and minorities have been treated for years in the US. Somehow intolerance and racism isn’t as bitter a pill to swallow when it’s masked by the bells and whistles of the immortal undead.

I Hear the Water in Arkansas is Very Hard

Don't answer that...