11/30/09

Sam / Dean

Seems like I am not the only one taken with The Winchester Brothers of Supernatural...
...the Beautiful, dreamy eyed, Sam (Jared Padalecki) and the tough talking, bad boy Dean (Jensen Ackles).
These charming little pieces of soft-core, Photoshopped porn, can be found at this site. A fan art / fiction page which appears to be operated and maintained by a female fan of the show...

...now see, I knew there was a reason I loved heterosexual women so much - they are as filthy minded as their gay brethren. Rock on fan girls!

While I can appreciate the fact that both of the J Boys are hotter than hell, I honestly don't see any real homosexual subtext in the show. My god, if they were just portrayed by a couple of shlubs, no one would bat an eye, but since they are both so handsome, they must be in love ... with each other ... secretly! Of course the fact that the characters they play are brothers does not seem to bother anyone - fans call this "Wincest" get it? But hey, I'm not complaining, I still enjoy watching the J Boys fight demons and cavort with angels...OK, actually that does sound sort of gay.

Whatever the case, let's hear it for the fan girls and their mad Photoshop skills; The J Boys for their pretty faces; and the writers of Supernatual who were nice enough to throw the gay fans this bone recently.

11/29/09

The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner: Left Bank (Linkerover)

Pieter Van Hees' atmospheric Left Bank (Linkerover) is a dreamy, sensual, nightmarish, but, ultimately, life-affirming tale that slowly draws the viewer into its world.

Set in Antwerp on Belgium's Left Bank (natch), Left Bank tells the tale of a young long distance runner ( Marie played Eline Kuppens) who is training for an upcoming competition when suddenly she falls ill with an undetermined virus that seems to be compromising her immune system. Due to the malady, Marie is ordered by her doctor to quit the running gig and get some rest. Before to0 long, Marie makes the acquaintance of a young archer ( Bob, played by Matthias Schoenaerts) and the couple are drawn to each other.Inasmuch as Marie always seems at odds with her New Age-health-food-selling-mother, she takes Bob up on his offer to move in with him in to his deluxe apartment in the sky in Left Bank. Bob explains that he got the big apartment for cheap because the former tenant went missing, and his grandmother is the owner of the building. After Marie meets Bob's somewhat odd-ball granny, they move in together, have a lot of sex, and then things start getting odd...Almost immediately, Marie starts having weird dreams. Her first nightmare is of her running through the woods when she comes across an infant left alone in what appears to be the ruins of an old stable, or some kind of bird coop. Marie picks the infant up, and let's it take suckle from her breast, and then, suddenly, the baby becomes the full grown Bob. The camera pulls back and it seems like we are seeing a living version of Michelangelo's Pietà .Besides the dreams, and a creeping depressive and lonely state of mind, Marie starts becoming sicker. She is gaining weight, feeling weak, her leg has a bruise that keeps getting worse, and she's prone to vomit at a moments notice. Her doctor assures that she is not pregnant - but if she isn't well, the what in the hell is wrong with her? Oh, and what's up with black dust in her panties and on her skin?

After a meeting with some of her neighbors, Marie discovers that the woman who once lived in her apartment was researching the Left Bank's history - it seems that this was the part of town that undesirables were placed, there is also talk of a pagan cult that did human sacrifices here, and a strange guild of some sort ... hey, what a second, didn't Bob mention that he was the head of a local guild?

Yikes!

Faster than you can say, Rosemary Woodhouse, the clues start piling up, bodies start dropping, and things don't look good for our gal.What sets Left Bank apart from the dozens of other tales of its ilk, is the denouement. I was, initially, upset for the film's heroine, and yet, the more I thought about it, she actually came out OK, that is, she got the one thing she'd asked for at the start of the proceedings, and despite the way it was delivered, all hope, after all, may not be lost...not just for Marie, but for any of us.

You are going to have see this one for yourself if you want to know what I mean.

11/27/09

Everyone's a Winner! : The Ms. Horror Blogosphere Controversy


I started blogging way back in 2004. At the time, I'd read an article somewhere that strongly suggested to keep yourself anonymous should you choose to keep an electronic journal (isn't that quaint? An electronic journal). There should be very little personal information about the author, no indication of where he or she lives, and, under no circumstances should an actual name be used . Furthermore, the article went to stress, it might also be a good idea not to run a picture of yourself. I took all of this information to heart, and it served me well.

My original blog (which is still out there, though I've closed it down for the time being - damn you, Facebook) was the venue I used to mouth off about work, politics, people, and things. Readers could see what I had to say, comment on it (if they so desired) and then move on. Several times, I posted very harsh items about our former president and his cronies, and I started getting a lot of negative feedback. It went with the territory and that was that, I dealt with it. Then, this one time, I did a series of postings about a certain televangelist, mocking him and his flock. I followed this up by doing the same over a female televangelist...I quickly learned that hell hath no fury like a Christian scorned.

I started getting insane comments by religious nut jobs, one commenter claimed that he was going to send me to hell - it all got so bad, that I had to drop the commenting program I was using at the time (HALOSCAN) and revert to Blogger's regular comment section (much easier to delete , I found).

Anyway, the point to all of this is; I was blogging as Pax Romano, I was safe in my autonomy.

Today, that does not seem to be the case - I notice many bloggers use their real names and pictures of themselves, and I understand this - most blogging these days is less about opinion and observation, and more about getting noticed. Many of the fine folks who are part of the LOTTD use their real names and photos of themselves (and if not, you just have to follow their Facebook links to see who is behind the mask)...I myself have been "interviewed" a few times, and if you look hard enough you'll discover my real name, and see my ugly mug staring back at you from somewhere out there on the inter-webs. Let's face it the name of the game is self promotion, and that's OK, I mean if you don't raise your hand and scream, "OH OH LOOK AT ME" you may just end up the ignored child in the classroom.

Over the past couple of days, a bit of a controversy has come up (well, it's not exactly Watergate, but it's causing some conversation, so there's that). concerning one very prolific horror blog's latest event; hosting a "competition" of female horror bloggers. Reader's can visit said blog, learn about the woman featured, see her picture and find out what makes her tick ...oh, and they'll also discover what cinematic serial killer she'd do, dump or marry. Taking exception to this, is another prolific blogger who seems to feel that the Ms Horror Blogosphere thingy might be a misogynistic slap in the face to female bloggers.

Sides have been drawn with other bloggers throwing their two cents in. Participants, male bloggers, and even another high profile blogger have had something to say about all of this.

Yeah, it's a tempest in a cyber teapot.

I see both sides of this argument, and think they are both valid. That said, when all is said and done, more will be said than done, and you know what? Everybody, and his or her blog, will get more hits, and more notoriety - and as I said earlier, that's the name of the game.

See? Everyone's a Winner!!!

and that's my two cents on the whole thing, carry on.

11/21/09

Beyonce as a Final Girl: Lessons Learned from Obsessed

NOTE: Back in June of 2007, I was in Hollywood, and like all good tourists I took a lot of tours. One my sojourns took me to a sound-stage on the Sony Picture's lot. Said sound-stage was where, my tour group was told, a "thriller" starring Beyonce Knowles and Jerry O'Connell was being filmed. We got the chance to tour the set and meet some of the crew. Today, I finally got to see that movie, Obsessed, and, boy howdy, did it suck. that's right sucker, I want top billing!

  • Obsessed claims to be an erotic thriller; it is neither.
  • That unsteady floor board in the attic that we are made aware of thirty seconds into the film, is going to come in handy later on, trust me!
  • The new temp, a blond with great legs, is going to make every red-blooded male at her office turn into a misogynistic douche bag who will utter things like, "Damn! Where did she come from?!?!"
  • Idris Elba, should have had more shirtless scenes, I'm just sayin' is all.
  • The screenwriters seemed to have borrowed liberally from Play Misty for Me and Fatal Attraction - and yet, even with those two films as boilerplate's, they could not make Obsessed the least bit suspenseful.
  • The token gay character in this movie is a spineless, gossiping, twit.
  • Jerry O'Conell is a pretty bad actor.
  • It looks like Taylor Scout Compton is really good at playing babysitters, especially stupid babysitters. Guess what she plays in Obsessed?
  • Christine Lahti must have needed a paycheck, bad!
  • Apparently, an upper middle class African American woman will instantly revert to a trash talking, head bobbing hell cat when confronted by a delusional nut case who is in love with her husband.
  • The cat fight at the end of this movie, is THE ONLY reason to watch Obsessed.

11/19/09

Thursday Night Beefcake: American Psycho Style









My name is Patrick Bateman. I'm 27 years old. I believe in taking care of myself and a balanced diet and rigorous exercise routine.

11/18/09

Movie Poster Madness: The Best of 2009

It's turned out to be a pretty decent year for horror films, here are the posters to some of my faves released this year:


Though we had to wait a couple of years for Trick 'r Treat, it was worth it. A grab bag of treats, this is The Halloween Movie a lot of us have been craving.


Another one that was worth the wait. Though we had to sit around until the American remake, Quarantine, played out - seeing REC was a mind blower. One of the two films I saw this year that really got under my skin.

Subtlety, thy name is The House of the Devil. This brilliant thriller, an homage to late 70's / early 80's Satanic cinema was a veritable love letter to horror film fans.


A flawless exploration of motherhood, madness and zombie babies ... it does not get better than Grace.


Fun comes back to horror! Drag Me to Hell was a gory, silly, madcap romp that, despite it's manic energy, seemed to be the perfect story for a country finding itself sinking deeper into financial ruin. Or maybe, I was just reading too much into it.


Sickening and misogynistic to the nth degree, Deadgirl was also deeply disturbing, and very well made. I wanted to take a shower after I watched it.


Last, but not least, Paranormal Activity the other film that got under my skin ... and made me go around turning all the lights on when I was through.

11/15/09

Inside Carrie White's Bedroom

Ever wondered what you would find in the bedroom of that mousy girl who lives in that dingy little house with her crazy mother?

Wonder no more


1: Picture of Bates High's BMOC, Tommy Ross, cut out of last week's newspaper's sports section.

2: Mirror cracked recently when Carrie had a mini-telekinetic-meltdown.


3: Scary picture of Jesus that Mama mail ordered from from a company called Opus Dei Direct.

4: A copy of Pat Boone's A Miracle a Day Keeps the Devil Away by  can be found under Carrie's bed.


5: A dog eared copy of Judy Blume's Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. is stashed away in this drawer.

6: A small collection of cosmetics from the local drug store are hidden under the Madonna and Child night light on this table.

7: Transistor radio that picks up Wolfman Jack's show late at night.

8: Latest issues of Rolling Stone can be found behind this dresser.

9: A pamphlet detailing what to expect when a young woman get's her first period called, You Are Growing Up, can be found in the center of this history text book.  The pamphlet was given to Carrie by her gym teacher, Miss Collins.

10: One very uncomfortable bed.




11/12/09

MOVIE POSTER MADNESS: Send In the Clowns Edition


Don't you love farce?

My fault I fear.



I thought that you'd want what I want.


Sorry, my dear.

But where are the clowns?


Quick, send in the clowns.

Don't bother, they're here.

11/11/09

My Favorite Zombies: Day of the Dead Edition


The Majorette Ghoul: From the University of  Miami?

The Junior Varsity Running Back Zombie:  Does that say Mailboy or Mailbox?

The Lionel Richie Flesh Eater

Zombo the Clown:  My personal nightmare come to life.


Junior Varsity Running Back Zombie, again?  It's the same number - but where's the name?


The Conga Line Ghouls

Mr. Living Dead Mom: No dishpan hands for this zombie house husband, he wears Playtex gloves when washing the dishes or ripping out your entrails!

The Bride of the Dead

The Groom of the Bride of the Dead

Hold Me Closer, Tiny Zombie Dancer: Even in death, Lillie still maintained the perfect Battement dégagé