12/5/09

Things to Dream About in L.A. While You're Dying: Mulholland Drive.


It starts like one of those old Gap Ads - a bunch of crazy kids jitterbugging madly...
 
...and then suddenly, we are high above the glittering jewel of Los Angeles, on Mulholland Drive in a limo...
 
...with a beautiful black haired woman...

...who suddenly finds herself in a bad situation, but is given a left handed gift from the gods in the way of a head on collision...

...which leaves several  cars ruined, several people dead, and our dark haired beauty stunned and bloody.  Dazed, she wanders off into the night, down a hill and onto the streets of L.A. proper.

Police and detectives arrive, they are perplexed. They realize that there is a survivor, but they don't know where he or she has gone.

Meanwhile, our heroine finds refuge in an empty apartment, where she falls asleep and...

...dreams a peculiar dream of two men in a restaurant.  One of the men tells the tale of a dream he had of a monster who lives near the dumpster behind the restaurant.  The two men then go to the back of the restaurant and when the man sees the "creature" ...
 
...he  falls away, seemingly dead from fright.

Phone calls are made...someone is trying to find someone.  "The girl is missing".
 

And then we see a bright eyed beauty who arrives at LAX accompanied by a seemingly sweet older couple who wish the young lady well ...
and when the older couple get in a limo and start grinning malevolently and laughing...something seems terribly wrong...

Welcome to Hollywood.

Our perky blond, Betty, goes to an old, palatial, weed choked apartment complex and meets the landlady, Coco, a flamboyant, tough old broad who welcomes her with open arms.  Seems that Betty is in town to try her hand at acting.  She's just won a dance contest and the world is her oyster.

Once inside the apartment that she is using while her aunt, an actress,  is out of town, she discovers the dark haired woman using the shower.

More strange goings on...

Meanwhile, there's this young director being strong-armed into casting someone against his will to star in a film he's making - said director smashes the windows of the bad guy's car and beats a hasty retreat...
 

...on the other side of town, a rather inept hit-man has killed a few people and stole a book...

...one of his bullets hits a cleaning lady in the ass, "Something bit me bad, mister!" she hisses, before the hit-man kills her.

In spite of everything, Betty still can't believe she's in this "Dream place".

The mystery of the dark haired woman, now dubbed "Rita", deepens when she discovers a major amount of cash in her purse...

...and a rather odd, blue key.

The hit-man is asking questions, he wants to know if anyone has seen a dark haired woman...

...while the director discovers his wife in bed with Billy Ray Cyrus!

The girls decide to put their heads together to solve the mystery of Rita and what happened to her...

...and then one of the loopy tenants shows up at the apartment and when she meets Betty she is all doom and gloom. She say's Betty is not who she claims to be...

...now a cowboy is giving the director an ultimatum.

While Betty goes on an audition and wows 'em...even Chad Everett is impressed...

...since she did so well at her audition, Betty is brought down to the studio where The Sylvia North Story is being shot.  Betty is entranced by the movie magic she sees, but realizes that she still has some sleuthing to do and rushes back to Rita - the two women break into another apartment hoping to discover a clue about Rita's past...

...and find a rotted corpse.

Terrified, Rita and Betty rush home and Rita starts cutting her hair off, before Betty convinces her to don a blond wig as a disguise...



...and the the women go to bed, and make love - seems like our ingenue is not as innocent as she appears...

...and then, in the middle of the night, Rita wakes up and starts speaking in Spanish.  Betty comforts her and soon Rita says that they have to go to Club Silencio, a strange little theater.  Once they arrive, they find an emcee who proclaims,"No hay banda !"  It's all an illusion...and then...

...a woman sings an acapella version of Roy Orbison's Crying, in Spanish - half way through her song, she falls away, much like the man in the restaurant's parking lot did earlier, but the song continues...

...during this, the women discover a blue box in Rita's purse, they hurry home...


...and find that the odd key fits a lock in the box...and then Betty disappears, and so does Rita...and suddenly we are in an empty bedroom.


Betty's "aunt" enters the room as if she's heard a noise, looks around and then walks out.

Now we find a rather skanky looking woman waking up from a troubled dream - wait, it's Betty, or is it?

Soon we discover that the last hour and a half have been nothing but a fevered dream of a troubled young woman named, Diane.  Her Oz-like head trip populated with people she met during her short but not so illustrious stab at show biz ... Coco the landlady is now the bitchy mother of the director who is going to marry Camilla...Camilla, we now know is the real name of the dark haired beauty ... even the cowboy is there (see him in the background?)

Gone is the needy woman with no memory of who she was, in her place is a careless bitch who toys with Diane's emotions at every turn...

...it seems that Diane and Camilla were once lovers,  but as soon as Camilla found the director, she moved on to better her life, leaving Diane bitter, heartbroken and wanting revenge ... so she engages a hit-man (he looks familiar) to kill Camilla...


...he tells her that when she finds this key, the job will be done.  The conversation takes place in the same restaurant from earlier where the two men were discussing the dream of the monster who lives behind the dumpster...

...speaking of which, what's the freaky guy/monster/creature from the dumpster doing with the blue box?


After he puts the box in a paper bag and tosses it aside, the old couple from the airport,( now miniaturized, cackling daemons), emerge from the box and skedaddle on in to the night...

...and appear to Diane, laughing and chasing her through her apartment...

...overcome with guilt for what she did, Diane's nightmare manifests into a sick reality, with the daemons taunting her to madness, driving her to her bedroom...

...where she reaches for a gun...

...and shoot herself in the head...looking just like the body she saw in her dream earlier...

and then we are back at Club Silenco where a blue haired woman sits in a box seat and utters the last line, "Silenco".

11/30/09

Sam / Dean

Seems like I am not the only one taken with The Winchester Brothers of Supernatural...
...the Beautiful, dreamy eyed, Sam (Jared Padalecki) and the tough talking, bad boy Dean (Jensen Ackles).
These charming little pieces of soft-core, Photoshopped porn, can be found at this site. A fan art / fiction page which appears to be operated and maintained by a female fan of the show...

...now see, I knew there was a reason I loved heterosexual women so much - they are as filthy minded as their gay brethren. Rock on fan girls!

While I can appreciate the fact that both of the J Boys are hotter than hell, I honestly don't see any real homosexual subtext in the show. My god, if they were just portrayed by a couple of shlubs, no one would bat an eye, but since they are both so handsome, they must be in love ... with each other ... secretly! Of course the fact that the characters they play are brothers does not seem to bother anyone - fans call this "Wincest" get it? But hey, I'm not complaining, I still enjoy watching the J Boys fight demons and cavort with angels...OK, actually that does sound sort of gay.

Whatever the case, let's hear it for the fan girls and their mad Photoshop skills; The J Boys for their pretty faces; and the writers of Supernatual who were nice enough to throw the gay fans this bone recently.

11/29/09

The Loneliness of the Long Distance Runner: Left Bank (Linkerover)

Pieter Van Hees' atmospheric Left Bank (Linkerover) is a dreamy, sensual, nightmarish, but, ultimately, life-affirming tale that slowly draws the viewer into its world.

Set in Antwerp on Belgium's Left Bank (natch), Left Bank tells the tale of a young long distance runner ( Marie played Eline Kuppens) who is training for an upcoming competition when suddenly she falls ill with an undetermined virus that seems to be compromising her immune system. Due to the malady, Marie is ordered by her doctor to quit the running gig and get some rest. Before to0 long, Marie makes the acquaintance of a young archer ( Bob, played by Matthias Schoenaerts) and the couple are drawn to each other.Inasmuch as Marie always seems at odds with her New Age-health-food-selling-mother, she takes Bob up on his offer to move in with him in to his deluxe apartment in the sky in Left Bank. Bob explains that he got the big apartment for cheap because the former tenant went missing, and his grandmother is the owner of the building. After Marie meets Bob's somewhat odd-ball granny, they move in together, have a lot of sex, and then things start getting odd...Almost immediately, Marie starts having weird dreams. Her first nightmare is of her running through the woods when she comes across an infant left alone in what appears to be the ruins of an old stable, or some kind of bird coop. Marie picks the infant up, and let's it take suckle from her breast, and then, suddenly, the baby becomes the full grown Bob. The camera pulls back and it seems like we are seeing a living version of Michelangelo's Pietà .Besides the dreams, and a creeping depressive and lonely state of mind, Marie starts becoming sicker. She is gaining weight, feeling weak, her leg has a bruise that keeps getting worse, and she's prone to vomit at a moments notice. Her doctor assures that she is not pregnant - but if she isn't well, the what in the hell is wrong with her? Oh, and what's up with black dust in her panties and on her skin?

After a meeting with some of her neighbors, Marie discovers that the woman who once lived in her apartment was researching the Left Bank's history - it seems that this was the part of town that undesirables were placed, there is also talk of a pagan cult that did human sacrifices here, and a strange guild of some sort ... hey, what a second, didn't Bob mention that he was the head of a local guild?

Yikes!

Faster than you can say, Rosemary Woodhouse, the clues start piling up, bodies start dropping, and things don't look good for our gal.What sets Left Bank apart from the dozens of other tales of its ilk, is the denouement. I was, initially, upset for the film's heroine, and yet, the more I thought about it, she actually came out OK, that is, she got the one thing she'd asked for at the start of the proceedings, and despite the way it was delivered, all hope, after all, may not be lost...not just for Marie, but for any of us.

You are going to have see this one for yourself if you want to know what I mean.

11/27/09

Everyone's a Winner! : The Ms. Horror Blogosphere Controversy


I started blogging way back in 2004. At the time, I'd read an article somewhere that strongly suggested to keep yourself anonymous should you choose to keep an electronic journal (isn't that quaint? An electronic journal). There should be very little personal information about the author, no indication of where he or she lives, and, under no circumstances should an actual name be used . Furthermore, the article went to stress, it might also be a good idea not to run a picture of yourself. I took all of this information to heart, and it served me well.

My original blog (which is still out there, though I've closed it down for the time being - damn you, Facebook) was the venue I used to mouth off about work, politics, people, and things. Readers could see what I had to say, comment on it (if they so desired) and then move on. Several times, I posted very harsh items about our former president and his cronies, and I started getting a lot of negative feedback. It went with the territory and that was that, I dealt with it. Then, this one time, I did a series of postings about a certain televangelist, mocking him and his flock. I followed this up by doing the same over a female televangelist...I quickly learned that hell hath no fury like a Christian scorned.

I started getting insane comments by religious nut jobs, one commenter claimed that he was going to send me to hell - it all got so bad, that I had to drop the commenting program I was using at the time (HALOSCAN) and revert to Blogger's regular comment section (much easier to delete , I found).

Anyway, the point to all of this is; I was blogging as Pax Romano, I was safe in my autonomy.

Today, that does not seem to be the case - I notice many bloggers use their real names and pictures of themselves, and I understand this - most blogging these days is less about opinion and observation, and more about getting noticed. Many of the fine folks who are part of the LOTTD use their real names and photos of themselves (and if not, you just have to follow their Facebook links to see who is behind the mask)...I myself have been "interviewed" a few times, and if you look hard enough you'll discover my real name, and see my ugly mug staring back at you from somewhere out there on the inter-webs. Let's face it the name of the game is self promotion, and that's OK, I mean if you don't raise your hand and scream, "OH OH LOOK AT ME" you may just end up the ignored child in the classroom.

Over the past couple of days, a bit of a controversy has come up (well, it's not exactly Watergate, but it's causing some conversation, so there's that). concerning one very prolific horror blog's latest event; hosting a "competition" of female horror bloggers. Reader's can visit said blog, learn about the woman featured, see her picture and find out what makes her tick ...oh, and they'll also discover what cinematic serial killer she'd do, dump or marry. Taking exception to this, is another prolific blogger who seems to feel that the Ms Horror Blogosphere thingy might be a misogynistic slap in the face to female bloggers.

Sides have been drawn with other bloggers throwing their two cents in. Participants, male bloggers, and even another high profile blogger have had something to say about all of this.

Yeah, it's a tempest in a cyber teapot.

I see both sides of this argument, and think they are both valid. That said, when all is said and done, more will be said than done, and you know what? Everybody, and his or her blog, will get more hits, and more notoriety - and as I said earlier, that's the name of the game.

See? Everyone's a Winner!!!

and that's my two cents on the whole thing, carry on.