5/12/12

GONE FISHIN'

Gentle Reader,

After much thought, I have decided that it's time to shut down Billy Loves Stu for a bit.  

It might be for a week, it might be forever, I can't say.

Lately, this all just seems like an exercise in futility ; there are a few bazillion other horror blogs out there, and I fear that BLS has just become an anonymous  face in the crowd. 

In any case, I am grateful  for  the friendships I have made due to this endeavor, and I especially want to thank those of you who read and commented on my blog over the past years - I really appreciated it. 

For now, I am going to walk away and take a break.  I might come back, I might not, who knows. 

Be Well, 

Pax Romano




4/28/12

Hear Her Roar: THE WOMAN

 
Director, Lucky Mckee's The Woman (much like Kevin Smith's Red State) is a black fairytale for these troubled times.  Saturated with social commentary, buried underneath a layer of dried blood and grime, The Woman is a film that tackles the myth of so called "Family Values" and knocks it on its ass. 

From the very start, it's clear that something is wrong with the Cleek Family - we meet them at a suburban barbecue and witness father, Chris (Sean Bridges) sweet-talking an older woman into letting him take over the sale of her land (he can't get her much, but it will be a fair price, he assures her)...then we witness his pre-teen son, Brian(Zach Rand) standing by watching a little girl being cruelly harassed by a group of older boys.  The youth turns his attention to a basketball and shoots hoops ignoring the little girl's cries for help...meanwhile, mom, Belle (Angela Bettis) appears an ineffectual creature afraid of her own shadow.  There are two daughters as well in this clan, the eldest, Peggy (Lauren Ashley Carter) seems to be going through some type of internal melt down with only the youngest member of the family, Darlin' (Shyla Molhusen) seemingly well adjusted. 

Be that as it may, one morning, Papa Cleek goes hunting and spies a wild woman in the woods (Pollyanna McIntosh)  -who sort of resembles a grimy version of Bettie Page- and decides to bag the feral female, take her home and make her his  pet.  Oh sure, he claims, to his somewhat bewildered family, that he plans to "civilize" the woman...but soon it becomes clear that the patriarch of this dysfunctional clan is playing with a less than full deck.

That the captive is kept chained up in a cruciform manner should not be lost on the viewer, it's as if  Cleek worships this wild woman as much as he desires her - he even sacrifices his ring finger to her in a sort of twisted homage to a holy communion.
"when I get out of here, I am gonna eat Rush Limbaugh's fucking face"

But while keeping a bestial babe prisoner in a storm cellar would seem bad enough, it's also apparent that the Cleek clan have many other skeletons in their collective closet; the teen daughter may be pregnant with her father's child, mom is an abused enabler, and little Brian is a sociopath/chip off the old block...and exactly what the hell is going on in the barn with those damn yapping dogs?


Whatever the case, The Woman is an ambitious film that tackles the age old battle of the sexes theme and gives it the kick in the balls it needs...you can forget morons like that self-proclaimed Mama Grizily from Alaska, the titular character in this film would probably eat her alive just a soon as look at her.  In fact, the anti heroine of this film ends up gaining all of our respect and sympathy - sure, she may be a cannibalistic crazy, but does she torture others for pleasure (or vote Republican) - hardly.  Her modus operandi is to just survive...by any means possible.   In a way, she's the psychic, unbridled force of women everywhere - a force that, once unleashed, could topple nations.




A tight, intelligent  script, terrific acting (especially by Bridges, Rand and McIntosh) and a horrifically  optimistic ending make The Woman a must-see. 

PS, stay with the movie for a tiny treat after the final credits role.

3/18/12

And God Created Woman : THE SKIN I LIVE IN

Pedro Almodovar's The Skin I Live In is like a great big beautiful blossom slowly revealing itself to be a bloody gorgeous flower - but beware the thorns, they are dripping with venom .
With nods to everyone from Hitchcock, to Ed Wood Jr, The Skin I Live In tells the tale of a scientist who recently lost his wife and daughter.  Played by Antonio Banderas, Robert Ledgard is a man obsessed (and quite possibly out of his fucking mind).  To the outside world he is a genius working on creating synthetic skin that would benefit burn victims,  in real life, he is the quintessential mad scientist, hell bent on a single task. The good doctor even has his "Igor" in the guise of his housekeeper (Marisa Paredes) a smart, seemingly obliging employee, the housekeeper has some personal luggage of her own and...well, you are going to have to watch the film to learn about that.
For those of you unfamiliar with Almodovar's work - prepare yourself.  His films are lush, manic, sexual, poetic, and often, darkly humorous.  The Skin I Live In is no exception.  The whole tone of this movie is somewhat absurdist, and yet, because of that, the sadistic horror that lies at the center of the story is such a terrifying revelation that it outdoes anything seen in American thrillers in ages.  
Family secrets, obsession, science gone awry, murder, mayhem and a nod to Frankenstein ; The Skin I Live In is a heady brew that leaves the viewer feeling like they were lead through a garden of unearthly delights only to discover that aforementioned blossom - just take heed of my earlier warning, this flower has some deadly thorns. 

3/6/12

I Lost it at the Movies: YELLOWBRICKROAD

It was the late, great film critic,  Pauline Kael who once said, "I Lost it at the Movies".  She could have also been talking about the plot of YellowBrickRoad.

Served up in a very David Lynch-like style, YellowBrickRoad defies all expectations and manages to deliver a strange and trippy cinematic experience that calls to mind everything from The Shining to Mulholland Drive.

Legitimate critics  and bloggers, much more talented than I, have reviewed this film, seek these out and read them for yourself - (I suggest you start here).  I am not giving this one much a of a review as I am pondering its meaning.  I may also drop a spoiler here and there.  You've been warned.
***
I saw YellowBrickRoad last weekend, and it has stayed with me, haunted me, and intrigued me.

What starts as a story about a group of  investigators and an author trying to get to the bottom of a mysterious mass vanishing of the residents of a small town in New Hampshire seventy years earlier, slowly evolves into a transcendental journey that leads the lone survivor back to the start of his journey where he discovers that hell may actually be the middle row of a cinema (or maybe it's up on the screen).  YellowBrickRoad begins and ends at a movie theater, and, yes, the specter of 1939's The Wizard of Oz is somehow the catalyst for the events both past and present.   Early on in the film we discover that just before everyone wandered off into the woods, they'd been watching The Wizard of Oz at the local movie house, and the remaining copy of the film was played so much, it is worn out.

Haunted woods figure also.  The pathway that our intrepid heroes follow through the forest  are filled with the eerie, ambient sounds of 30's and 40's era music - which at first is almost kind of beautiful, but eventually the sound gets so discordant and loud it drives some to murder and madness.  Obviously, we never really find out where the music is coming from, but it's there like some sort of Dolby-surround-sound torture chamber.
When of the secondary characters is murdered and her body is later discovered trussed up to a pole and posed like The Scarecrow from Oz, one can not help but wonder why.  Is her corpse a warning to the others, or possibly an enticement to wander even further, deeper into the gloomy woods?  I don't have the answer, but I sort of suspect that this is the point that the band of adventurers basically have passed the point of no return - no matter what they do, they are doomed; The Emerald City, or some hellish version of such, awaits and all they have to do is to survive to attain it.   Is this what the townspeople of Friar New Hampshire experienced several generations earlier?

Finally, when the film's protagonist and sole survivor makes it to the journey's end and finds himself back at the movie theater - what do we make of this?  Has he gone full circle, or is it indicative of what's really going on here?  Much like the townspeople of 70 years earlier, has Teddy (Michael Laurino) found himself in some sort of time loop?  Is the story merely repeating itself with some new players - or is what the woman on the screen saying true, "This is where we live now..."  Is Teddy in the same sort of twisted, cinematic dreamland that Diane/Betty (Naomi Watts) found herself in Mulholland Drive
And what do we make of that usher at the theater, (and that gramophone, was that the source of the music heard in the woods)?  Is this The Great and Powerful Oz of the piece?  The man behind the curtain, the one pulling the strings?
I can't say that I have any solid answers.  I can say, that I remain as intrigued and haunted by YellowBrickRoad as when I first saw it.  I appreciate any film that challenges me and leaves me questioning it.  Hell, I applaud it, and I am pretty sure I'll be re-watching this one over and over until I finally "get" it.
See you at the movies, gang!









2/18/12

Die, The Beloved Country: THE DEAD

Zombie films are a dime a dozen these days.  Any hack with a camera and some cheap stage make up seems to fancy him or her self  the modern day George A. Romero , and as such, the once terrifying, disease carrying, shambling metaphor for death has become as terrifying as a Smurf.

And then along comes The Ford Brothers', The Dead.

Set in West Africa, The Dead is a throw back to the kind of zombie film, Romero was making back in his heyday. Bleak, stark, serious and layered with political and social undertones, The Dead is a far cry from the mindless, CGI enhanced zombie movies being served up lately.  Told in a slow, deliberate manner, shot in 35 mm; The Dead has a sort of sweeping epic feel to it - frankly it's the sort of thing movie goers (especially horror film fans), don't get a lot of these days.

What starts like a  Lawrence of Arabia meets Night of the Living Dead hybrid ( a lone figure in desert garb traversing the Saharan landscape whilst dodging or shooting a few really, really, really, slow zombies) eventually  reveals itself to be the story of two men looking for hope in a hopeless world.  One of the men, Brian (Rob Freeman) is trying to  find a plane so he can leave zombie-riddled Africa and get back home to his wife and daughter in the United States) - the other man, Daniel (Prince David Oseia) is trying to find his way to a refugee camp to locate his missing son.  Both men are military, and while one is mourning the living death of his beloved country, and the other trying to find his way out, both men bond and form a kinship that is both touching and heartfelt.  Despite the hardships and the misunderstandings, they come to depend on the other and a realistic relationship is formed...again, not the kind of thing one gets in modern film very often.
If this film has a heart, it beats in the chest of  Prince David Oseia who brings such realism to the goings on.  His character is a decent man who may have been called on to do unspeakable things in the past as his nation was bled dry from civil wars, famine and disease.  However, now, when a new enemy has materialized he understands that all men and women must work together to defeat the common foe or else what's the point of living( gosh, that's a lesson for these times).   Honestly, I have never heard of this actor before, but he pretty much owns The Dead, and I am expecting big things from him in the future.
But wait a second, you kids came here for the zombies, didn't you?  Well, fear not, because they are everywhere.  As ubiquitous as flies, the pale-eyed-living-dead shamble through the forests, jungles and deserts of The Mother Land.  These flesh eaters are slow, deliberate and stealthy. No running, no screaming, just the ever constant threat of them at every turn.  Truly, some of the most eerie scenes of The Dead occur as our heroes drive through the African wilderness at night, the headlights of their car picking up views of the ever present, ever shambling zombies that litter the landscape (these scenes bring to mind Val Lewton's I walked with a Zombie) .
Another aspect of The Dead that is spectacular, is the photography.   The African landscapes are at times breathtaking, while at other times they appear stark and barren - much like the continent itself.   I for one, found myself gasping at some of the scenery it was that impressive - make of that what you will.
In the end, The Dead will probably alienate most modern audiences who have come to expect hackneyed plots, running zombies, jump cuts and gags - and that's a pity, because this is the kind of film that does not come along very often.    I can't help but wonder what Romero thinks of this one (or if he's even seen it), but I suspect that he would approve of the film, and more importantly of its message; lying deep in the soul of this dark, disturbing, (and at times) gory movie is a message about the undying spirit of human kindness and, yes, hope.


2/17/12

Bad Apples

Had to remove the "Top Fans / Followers" section as I had more than one ass-hat trying to promote his sex blog(s) that featured photos of underage models.  Sorry kids, but it had to be done.

2/4/12

Lessons Learned from CONTAGION


  • If a pretty blond offers to blow on your dice for good luck at a casino in Hong Kong, kindly defer her offer. 
  • Never eat pork in Hong Kong! 
  • Stop touching your face!
  • Typhoid Mary may look a lot like Gwyneth Paltrow.


  • Don't touch anything!
  • Don't talk to people.
  • Avoid public transportation.
  • Stay out of restaurants!
  • The beefier Matt Damon gets, the better he looks!

  • Bloggers may be the only people who will get the truth out concerning a world wide health crisis. 
  • If you work for the CDC and tell someone something in the  strictest confidence,chances are they will blab what you said to someone else in a matter of minutes. 
  • Lab monkeys will suffer if a world wide epidemic happens. 
  • Stop worrying about zombies, the living are a hell of a lot more destructive and dangerous than imaginary creatures. 


  • And finally, society may crumble, but a beefy Matt Damon will survive.














2/1/12

Horror Movie DILF : Paranormal Activity 3

Name: Dennis (no last name given)

Occupation: Wedding Video Photographer.

Family: Julie, girlfriend. Katie and Kristi, surrogate daughters.

Location: Santa Rosa, California

Why is he a DILF? :  Scruffy, sexy and sweet-natured, Dennis is the kind of guy who loves his girlfriend and is devoted to her two young daughters.  In fact, he's the kind of guy who will even partake of a tea party with one of the moppets.
Granted, he may not be making a lot of money as a guy who videotapes weddings; he does spend a lot of time at home, and is always ready to lend a hand. 
When things start going bump in the night, Dennis rigs his girlfriend's house will all kinds of video cameras (including one he attaches to an oscillating fan base) to see if he might be able to capture some evidence of what is happening. 
That he nicely fills out a pair of jeans, is merely a plus. 
Unfortunately, Dennis comes to an untimely end while trying to protect his girlfriend's kids when he runs afoul of some Satanic hijinks.

Played by: Chris Smith




1/29/12

Strigoi

Tired of sparkling vampires?  Bored with horny blood-suckers with Southern accents?  Worn out by the over dressed undead who dwell in musty old castles?

If you answered "YES" to any of the above, then director, Faye Jackson's Strigoi is the movie for you!

Strigoi (the undead) is the story of a small village in Romania where the locals have decided to knock off a corrupt land owner and his wife.  Unfortunately, the couple return as "Strigoi"...vampire-like beings who will, quite literally, eat you out of house and home if you let them.  That is, they will raid your pantry, your stove, your bread box...and once they've devoured every scrap of food you might have, they will go for your blood.

Now I don't know anything about Romanian folk lore, but I like the idea of the corpse coming back for real food, and then going for blood once the cupboards are bare.

Be that as it may, once the fun starts, a young man named, Vlad (Catalin Paraschiv) returns to the village after a failed attempt at finding his fortunes in Italy.  Almost immediately, Vlad discovers something is amiss...from shady land deals, to haphazard police work, to people dying without the proper authorities being notified.  Vlad is a good guy, maybe a bit of a slacker as he is the only one of his brothers and sisters who has not become a doctor, but his heart is in the right place, and soon enough he finds himself becoming the story's hero.
Infused with wit, intelligence, skulduggery and even some social commentary, Strigoi is that rare animal; a horror film that requires the viewer to pay attention to both the action and dialouge.  You will find very little blood letting here, and only a touch of gore.  To truly appreciate Strigoi, one must put away one's expectations of the vampire genre and prepare for a new version of the myth infused with some brilliant twists and turns.

1/22/12

I'll Be Back

To my constant readers...sorry for dropping the ball, I was a bit under the weather for most of December, and subsequently lost that blogging feeling.  I will be back soon with more postings.  Thanks to the folks who emailed me wondering where I was, it was much appreciated. 

11/12/11

BLUE VELVET

David Lynch's masterpiece, Blue Velvet has finally received the treatment it deserves re-released on blu-ray this week.  Besides seeing this darkly gorgeous film in all of its newly restored glory, there are also a slew of extras as well as 50 minutes of cut footage...more on that later, for now, let's go back to Lumberton...
 ***
The sugary facade of American small town life takes it on the chin in Blue Velvet.  Initially, the viewer is given scenes of sun dappled streets, crossing guards, fire trucks, white picket fences and stunningly gorgeous flowers; but eventually we witness a man, who earlier was watering his lawn, grasp at his neck as if something might have stung or bit him, and fall to the ground while the camera delves deep under the well manicured lawn, where he lay gasping for breath, to discover all manner of creepy crawling things going about their dirty business...that which lies beneath?
Soon we discover that the man's son Jeffery (Kyle MacLachlan) has returned from college to be with his family as his father recovers from his malady (possibly a stroke, though we never find out for sure).  One morning as Jeff is walking back from the hospital, he stumbles across a human ear amongst some debris in an overgrown lot.  Finding the ear, sets Jeff on a journey down a dark, mysterious, horrific path where (much like we saw earlier), all manner of creepy crawling things are going about their dirty business.  
Darkness sets in at this point and most of the action in the film (with a few exceptions) takes place at night.  Sometimes the evenings seem full of magic; as in the scene where Jeff meets Sandy (Laura Dern), who seems to walk out of the shadows like the ghost of Sandra Dee, all strawberry blond hair and pink frilly dress.  -- indeed much of Lumberton seems locked in some kind of odd timewarp.  Clearly it is the 80's, and yet, old television sets, hot rods and home interiors seem like left-overs from the Eisenhower era -- Other times, the evenings are filled with seedy bars, malevolent factories, and menacing characters.  And only daylight seems to make these places and people fade away.   Could it be that Lumberton itself is on some sort of twilight plane of existence; not present, not past, just somewhere in the middle sort of teetering back and forth in time? 
Speaking of teetering back and forth, consider our hero, Jeff.  He's handsome, obliging, square jawed, and seemingly all American.  And yet, he's prone to voyeurism,  and, when push comes to shove, he might even engage in a little sadistic sex play (if his partner really wants it).  It seems that Blue Velvet is all about Jeff's inner battle with the dark and light. Of course, as much as he might find it seductive, Jeff discovers that the night's darkness will turn on you, and possibly even kill you, if you aren't careful.  And that's where Sandy fits in.
Almost angelic in appearance, Sandy seems like she wandered out of a Disney film from the early 60's.  Virginal and pure, she is a good girl with a strangely spiritual and prophetic side (her monologue about her dream and the robin's bringing back the light to the world is one of the most touching moments in the film) who seems to see that Jeff is basically being tested.   When we see her in anguish much later in the film, we understand that things may have gotten worse then she ever expected when she cries out, "Where's my dream?"   However, is  Sandy's innocence and purity as strong as the dark powerful tragedy that engulfs Dorothy Vallens?
Billed as "The Blue Lady" at a local nightclub, Dorothy Vallens (Isabella Rossellini) is a victimized woman whose life has been shattered.  Her husband and young son are being held captive by a psychopath, and in turn she's become the sex slave of said psychopath.  Stressed beyond belief, and streched to her limits, Dorothy has begun to embrace the darkness that has engulfed her and in turn draws others in.  She finds Jeff hiding in her closet, threatens to kill him, and, later on, sleeps with him and then orders him to hit her - it's as if she feels that she deserves to be punished for everything that has happened to her - or has she become a masochist?  One wonders what path Dorothy would have followed were it not for Frank Booth. 
 Manically dangerous, Frank Booth (Dennis Hopper) is the crime king-pin in Lumberton.  Sadistic, psychopathic and addicted to amyl nitrate, Frank is the bringer of darkness, the ultimate creepy crawling thing who has made Dorothy's life a living hell, and in turn, dragged others in to the abyss.  We first see Frank through Jeff's eyes as we watch along seeing him degrade, abuse, and finally rape Dorothy on the floor of her apartment.   Later on, he kidnaps Jeff, torments him, mocks him, and beats the tar out of him leaving him for dead on the side of the road and in doing so, teaches him all about the reality of the darkness.  
Now It's Dark: There is much in the way of brutality seen throughout Blue Velvet.   Dorothy's rape, Jeff's beating at the hand's of Frank, the dead bodies on display in Dorothy's apartment near the end of the film, and just the crude way Frank address everyone (especially Dorothy who he refers to at one point as "tits") .  But nothing is as brutal, or as gut wrenching as the moment when Dorothy shows up nude, bruised and raving on Jeff's front lawn.  That scene alone is probably one of the most difficult things to watch in the film, and it strips bare the reality of what is going on, the truth that Dorothy has been living with, and the truth of how demonic Frank really is.   This is the moment when Frank goes from being a crazy bad guy, to something worse  - something almost inhuman. 

For all of it's darkness and violence, Blue Velvet also has some farcical  moments.  Women who look like they stumbled out of a John Water's film play frowsy prostitutes,  Jeff's eccentric aunt Barbara (Frances Bay) delivers some much needed comic relief, even Frank has his moment of levity when he asks Jeff what kind of beer he likes.  Jeff tells him, Heineken, and Frank roars, "Heineken? Fuck that foreign shit! Pabst Blue Ribbon is what you'll drink tonight!", and of course there is "The Chicken Walk"...you'll know it when you see it.  
 In the end, Blue Velvet remains a modern film-noir classic.  The simple story about a good kid who stumbles upon a bad thing and sort of finds himself in a fractured Hardy Boys adventure.  But it's also a love story - Jeffery and Sandy's love story - as well as Frank's love for a woman that he can only get through kidnapping and enslavement.  And there is also the not so simplistic story about the corruption that lies beneath life, the loss of innocence, and the battle between good and evil (and the constant human struggle of trying to understand that battle).  
***
Now, about those special features.  Well, first things first.  This blu ray looks stunning.  Plain and simple, you will not believe how gorgeous this movie looks now.  

A lot has been made about the missing footage that was included.  All I have to say about that is, well, there was a reason it was not included in the first place.  Sure it's kind of fun seeing a young Megan Mullally, playing Jeff's college girl friend, and it was also kind of interesting to see the dynamics between Jeff and his mother when he first comes home; but most of the extra scenes are pretty long and would have just bogged the final film down.  I think it's a good thing that they were cut.

A decent documentary is included and Isabella Rossellini has some great stories to tell about working with Dennis Hopper.
yes that's Megan Mullally - the future Karen Walker.

10/31/11

Trick or Trick : HORROR PORN RETURNS YET AGAIN!

Happy Halloween, gang.  It's time to check out the latest collection of buff boys and buxom gals in this collection of blatantly tacky, scary skin epics ... so without further ado, time to break out the remote control and a box of Kleenex as Horror Porn Returns Yet Again:

Bloody hunks and sexy zombies seeking firm flesh abound in Boys Night Out.

Taking a cue from The Queen of the Damned, Wicked Pictures presents Curse Eternal which promises that, "the dead will rise" (see what they did there, aint that clever?)

Yes, yes it's called Queer of the Damned...because they are ... queer and ... uh...they are damned...funny, they look pretty happy all things considered.

Kudos to the producers for really putting some thought into the box cover of A Wet Dream on Elm Street...are those vibrators on Freddy's glove?  Brilliant!

They're here, they're queer, and chances are they suck more than just blood!

So I had to look at this cover several times until I I caught the gag.  That said, great cover - but why not a tad more thought in the title? 

Nekid nasty boys are being spied on, or something like that in the epic, When A Stranger Cums.

Honestly, if I did not know better, I'd have thought this was an ad for a film on The Lifetime Network. 

And last but not least, Dante promises us a hell many of us would probably not mind.