F13 Marathon 2: The 12 Other People You'll Meet at Camp Crystal Lake.

And now let us pause to recall those from the original Friday the 13th ... no, not Alice, or little Jason, or even Steve Christy, and certainly not, Mrs. Voorhees.

Instead, let us have a look at The 12 Other People You'll Meet at Camp Crystal Lake.

First: The dewy eyed lass strumming her guitar while singing, Michael Row the Boat Ashore ... a sort of low budget Karen Allen ... ah that smile, that peaches-and-cream complexion. What could cause this perky little pixie of a gal to be smiling so beatifically?

Second: Of course, her smile is meant for the young man sitting directly across from her, the fey looking guy with the same color hair as her own ... ah what beautiful children we might have, she thinks ...but look closer, it seems that blond boy is being eyed up by that other guy, the one with the marshmallow skewered suggestively on a stick next to him. I'm pretty sure that earlier in the evening, the boys were playing "hide the salami", be that as it may, blond boy and blond girl are going to hook up, and you know it's going to end rather nastily.

Third & Fourth: Whoa!

And you thought Mrs. Voorhees and her son were creepy. Check out these two!

The woman behind the counter of the coffee shop in Blairstown that Annie stops in while trying to get directions to Crystal Lake (she's the broad complaining about how many times she'd seen a certain episode of Kojack when we first see her). The scary guy behind her might be the cook or maybe the handyman . He looks like he might have some sort of genetic defect. I'm sure he went to special ed classes with Jason Voorhees back in the day.

Fifth: She might be the Anna Wintour of Blairstown, the woman reading the paper at the counter, the broad with the wild cat's eye glasses and the fashionable polyester blend striped dress.

What's more important, is that she is the first person to utter the line, "Camp Blood" as in, "Camp blood?" When asking Annie if that's where she's going. Clearly, she's up on the world news and local legends. Annie would have done well to listen to her despite her goofy glasses, missy is on to something!

Sixth: And then of course, there is Enos.

The guy who drives the oil truck, the one who agrees to drive Annie some of the way to Camp Crystal Lake.

Of course, Enos is something of a ladies man; when he walks Annie out to his truck he asks, "Are all the gals gonna be as good looking as you up at the camp?"

And then of course, he's all hands as he helps the plucky cook-to-be on to his rig ... I mean check out those paws and how he cops a feel of Annie's butt as she is climbing in.

Still, Enos does try to talk our gal from going to camp ... if only she'd listened.

Seventh: Crazy Ralph.

A veritable One Man Greek Chorus, who tries to warn Annie and anyone else who will listen that if they go to Crystal Lake, "You're doomed!"

Like the movie poster said, They Were Warned.

Eighth: And then there's Sandy, the waitress!

Played by the Edith Massey-like, Sally Anne Golden, Sandy is the sassy, brassy, bronze haired waitress at the Blairstown Diner who flirts with Steve Christy that rainy Friday the 13th night.

Oh if Steve had only taken Sandy up on her offer and taken the old broad out for a night on the town, things might have turned out better for him.

Ninth: That ineffective cop.

He didn't find any boy in the lake.

Tenth: That moronic motorcycle cop.

"Columbian gold, man ... grass, hash, the weed!"

Eleventh and Twelfth
: The doctor at the hospital who does not say anything and the nurse who gives Alice a shot in her ass ... I mean, hasn't that poor girl gone through enough? She had to give her the sedative injection in her butt?

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Fred [The Wolf] said...

LOL! I loved this post. Very funny and most likely true.

jeffreygmm said...

God bless, Sandy!

Jack Veasey said...

Now I'm picturing Sandy and Steve Christy together. Brrrr. I had more fun picturing Steve Chisty and me together. Steve looks exactly like half the guys I dated in the 70s.

Cinema Du Meep said...

My lord, this post made my night. I love these guys.