Beyonce as a Final Girl: Lessons Learned from Obsessed

NOTE: Back in June of 2007, I was in Hollywood, and like all good tourists I took a lot of tours. One my sojourns took me to a sound-stage on the Sony Picture's lot. Said sound-stage was where, my tour group was told, a "thriller" starring Beyonce Knowles and Jerry O'Connell was being filmed. We got the chance to tour the set and meet some of the crew. Today, I finally got to see that movie, Obsessed, and, boy howdy, did it suck. that's right sucker, I want top billing!

  • Obsessed claims to be an erotic thriller; it is neither.
  • That unsteady floor board in the attic that we are made aware of thirty seconds into the film, is going to come in handy later on, trust me!
  • The new temp, a blond with great legs, is going to make every red-blooded male at her office turn into a misogynistic douche bag who will utter things like, "Damn! Where did she come from?!?!"
  • Idris Elba, should have had more shirtless scenes, I'm just sayin' is all.
  • The screenwriters seemed to have borrowed liberally from Play Misty for Me and Fatal Attraction - and yet, even with those two films as boilerplate's, they could not make Obsessed the least bit suspenseful.
  • The token gay character in this movie is a spineless, gossiping, twit.
  • Jerry O'Conell is a pretty bad actor.
  • It looks like Taylor Scout Compton is really good at playing babysitters, especially stupid babysitters. Guess what she plays in Obsessed?
  • Christine Lahti must have needed a paycheck, bad!
  • Apparently, an upper middle class African American woman will instantly revert to a trash talking, head bobbing hell cat when confronted by a delusional nut case who is in love with her husband.
  • The cat fight at the end of this movie, is THE ONLY reason to watch Obsessed.


Andre Dumas said...

Oh god. I remember literally cringing when watching this preview. Beyonce Beyonce......sigh. "Baby? I'm gonna hafta call you back" *slaps a bitch*

Pax Romano said...

"slaps a bitch"

You rock!

Matt-suzaka said...

I think Beyonce is a pile of obnoxious shit, but I love me a shitty thriller with some shitty actors, and a shitty story, so of course I feel the need to see Obsessed someday. Your observations are not surprising, yet they are hysterical!

Ashlee Blackwell said...

Man am I glad I found this post :)

I have to see this movie. If just based on great recaps like this one.