Letter from Camp Stonewater

Dear Mom and Dad,

Camp Stonewater has been a lot of fun, thanks for sending me.

I really like the head counselor, Todd, he is such a nice guy. He's really tight with this other guy here ... I think that other guy looks a lot like George Costanza, except he has hair.

Most of the kids are pretty cool, but there's this one dude who is always giving us a hard time, his name is Glazer, He's a real jerk, and he wears his swim trunks kind of tight and every time I see him in them I get this funny feeling that I don't know how to describe.

Anyway, it's cool because ,Todd knows what a jerk that Glazer really is, and he's already read him the riot act ... but you know what? As I was watching the two of them getting all up in each others grills, I had that same funny feeling that I can't put into words.

Oh, dad, you are always asking me about the girls at Camp Stonewater ... why is that? Anyway, this one girl named Sophie is kind of nice, she looks a lot like Holly Hunter ... you know, that actress from The Piano? What do you think?

The other day, a bunch of us went on a canoe trip to one of the islands near the camp. It was awesome fun! This one guy they call Woodstock, is really funny. I noticed that his shorts ride up when he's paddling a canoe ... well, let's just say, he lets it all hang out ... ha ha!


You might have heard that we had some problems up here ... it's true, seems that one of the former groundskeepers went a little nuts-o after some kids burnt him up a couple of years ago, and now the killjoy is trying to ruin it for everyone else.

What a jerk.

They call him Cropsy. What kind of name is that?

The jerk even went and chopped off Woodstock's fingers before he ended up killing him and a bunch of the other kids! Man, it was a real mess! But you'll be happy to know that your son is a hero!

Me and Todd hunted down this Cropsy creep and we let him have it, but good. I stabbed him with his own shears and then Todd set him on fire ... it was awesome!

No body is going to be bothered by that guy again!

The funny thing is, after we jacked up that bastard, Todd told me how proud he was of me and ... well .... I got that funny, indescribable feeling again . But this time, I told Todd all about it and he said, "That's cool."

So, I guess you both should know that I will be moving in with Todd.

I'll send you our address as soon as we get settled. Until then, I remain,

Your Loving Son,

Alfred