Play Ball! : The Last Exorcism

banana bread and jesus!

Daniel Stamm's The Last Exorcism might be one of those films that people pick sides over.  Some will proclaim it phenomenal, other will decry it a major letdown.   I am going to stand somewhere left of center and say, I really enjoyed it, warts and all.

Once again we are subjected to another pseudo - documentary.  Like The Blair Witch Project and Cloverfield and The Last Broadcast, The Last Exorcism is presented as documentary film about a preacher who has recently admitted his holy rolling ways are nothing more than show biz antics - he hires a small film crew to follow him about to show just how much of a fake he really is.  Surprisingly, the first forty five minutes of this film put me in mind of an actual documentary from the early 70's called Marjoe (a film about a fire and brimstone preacher who decided to come clean about the way that old time religion is nothing more than a money making ploy and one that preys on the simple minded or uneducated).

Cotton Marcus (played with charismatic flair by Patrick Fabian) may be a huckster, but deep down, he seems like a decent fellow (even as he points out that once he starts preaching, he could give people the recipe for banana bread and they would not even notice). He has a loving wife and a son with a hearing problems and a speech impediment (interestingly, his wife and son seem to be in on the whole scam as well). For the purpose of the documentary, he decides to take on the case of a young woman whose father claims that she is possessed by a demon.

Soon Marcus and company are on their way to a backwater in rural Louisiana ...now, pay attention during this part of the film; a couple of hints as to what is really happening are given during the interviews with some of the locals.

the power of cash compels me!

Once reverend Marcus meets the Sweetzer clan, it seems clear that any of the daughter's odd behaviors can probably be attributed to a few dozen non-mystical factors. Ashely Bell is a revelation as the possibly possessed, Nell, she plays her part as a naive victim of circumstance (as well as possibly a dark family secret) with such finesse that frankly, it's sort of heartbreaking watching her character suffer.  Is she ill?  Has she been sexually assaulted?  Is she the victim of some sort of hysteria or depression?

Reverend Marcus holds an exorcism that he has rigged with all kinds of cheap special effects, and then proclaims Nell cured of her affliction...soon he packs his loaded crucifix away along with the cash he has was payed and is on his way...and that's when things start getting interesting.

After a somnambulistic  Nell shows up at the Reverend's motel, he realizes that he might be in over his head - furthermore, he and one of the film crew, are starting to deduce that something might be wrong with Nell's father as well.  One of the things I really appreciated was that no matter what kind of creepy things occurred to, or around, Nell, most of them could be explained away.  She never levitates, nor does she climb the walls (no matter what certain movie posters may infer)...that said, it's hard to watch her bending over backwards and speaking in a mature woman's voice and think that something wicked this way had not come.

i'm a little tea pot

As the film progresses, one may be hard pressed to believe that Nell is the victim of nothing more than a bunch of crazy adults and their beliefs.  Even Marcus tries to convince her father that she needs psychiatric help. Nonetheless this is a horror film, so that's the route we take.

Now about that ending.  Nope, I am not going to give it away - but I know a lot of people hated it.  Frankly, as hokey as it seemed, I sort of enjoyed it.  To me it was a terrifically tacky curve ball thrown at the viewer, and you could either choose to catch that ball and run with it, or toss it back and stomp your feet and go home.  I say, Play Ball!

Die! Hollywood Die! : The Last of Shelia

Listen up , y'all, this is how you make a great murder mystery movie:

•  Get into a time machine and bring yourself back to 1973.

• Make sure that your script was penned by two prolific  and talented homosexuals like, Norman Bates (Anthony Perkins) and Mr. Broadway Musical (Stephen Sondheim).

• Sprinkle your cast with all sorts of interesting types - Raquel Welch (no talent but big boobs and a nice body), James Mason (for some legitimacy), Dyan Cannon (because no actress was ever more endearing in spite of herself, than the loony Ms. Cannon), James Coburn (because his mouth is both horrifying and mesmerizing ) and Richard Benjamin (because no one can wear pants that tight, or sport a mustache that intense unless his name was Freddy Mercury).

• Make your story a terrifically twisted cat and mouse head game that features a bunch of self involved Hollywood types.

• Set most of the action on a small luxury liner in the Mediterranean.

Shelia, (note the large "S" piece of jewelry for identification purposes)

 When gossip columnist, Shelia is killed by a hit and run driver on the streets of Bel Air, her grieving husband waits for a year to pass and then gathers several of his friends together on the anniversary of his wife's death for a fun filled week of "games" on his yacht, also named, "Shelia".    Turns out that hubby Clinton (Coburn) is a sadistic bastard who plan's on revealing who actually killed his wife - but wait - before the games even begin, one of the guests is almost killed, and then, the person we are led to believe is the prime suspect is murdered ... and that's when the real fun begins. 

Not a horror film by any means, The Last of Shelia is a well made, well thought out thriller that has enough twists and turns in it to merit its own street map.  Also, the dialouge is so witty and so clever, that the film begs several viewings  to take it all in (movie fans will love the constant film references, they are never ending).

So get thee to Netflix and try this one on for size - And let me know if you figured "who done it" before the film's ending, because I sure didn't !

Richard Benjamin and co-stars

Oedipus Wrecked: Mother

Director, Joon-ho Bong's Mother is a  palate cleanser for those of us drawn to darker cinematic fare.  What starts as a somewhat comedic affair, soon becomes an engrossing mystery in the tradition  of Alfred Hitchcock full of twists, turns, red herrings and MacGuffins.  However, just when you think you've got it all figured out, Mother turns tail and trots out some honestly blood curdling , psycho-sexual, mind blowing moments - it's like David Lynch showed up at the last minute and said, "Here let's do this", and the next thing you know somebody is sticking acupuncture needles in their leg and dancing on a bus.

Bin Won plays Yoon Do-joon, a simple minded, seemingly, innocent young man who lives under the watchful eye of his doting, middle aged mother, Hye-ja Kim.  One day, a local school girl is found dead, and Yoon Do-joon is accused of her murder.  Corrupt attorney's and shady police are of no help, so Mother puts on her Nancy Drew cap and begins sleuthing in order to clear her beloved son's name.

Hye-ja Kim is a revelation as the titular character.  For most of the film, she looks world weary and grim, but possessed of such great resolve that she can instantly morph into a subservient character, a crazed advocate, a bit of a flirt, and, when she needs to, a cold blooded killer.   Where, oh where was this woman's Academy Award nomination for best actress in a foreign film?

Do yourself a favor and skip the zombie-of-the-week-crap-fest, and spend some time watching Mother.  This is not a horror film, it is not a slasher film, it is not hyper kinetic, nor is it a gore fest, and it's certainly not sexy; but it is one of the best mystery films you will probably see this year.

"M" is for the many things she gave me...

Why Bill Compton, What a Sweet Bum You Have...

The latest issue of Rolling Stone features the three main actors of HBO's True Blood, nekid and bloody!

Anna Paquin, Stephen Moyer and Alexander Skarsgard (Sookie, Bill and Eric for those in the know), appear sprayed in blood and not much else on the cover of RS hitting newsstands today (August 17th, 2010).

Of special interest to yours truly, is Mr. Moyer's arse - damn, that's a fine tuckus if you ask me!

My only complaint?  Why couldn't Jason Stackhouse (Ryan Kwanten) been the meat in this bloody, fleshy sandwich?

 Until such a time, this should hold you over...

...oh, and one more thing.  The Rolling Stone cover read's "They're Hot, They're Sexy, They're Undead";  a witty riff on the cover RS published back in the early 80's during the Jim Morrison fascination.

Cropsey

Probably one of the most horrifying moments in the documentary, Cropsey, comes about halfway through the film when the viewer sees snippets from Geraldo Rivera's televised expose on The Willowbrook School (an institution that housed developmentally disabled children) from back in the early 70's ;  these grainy, washed out images of mentally and physically impaired youngsters writhing about either in their underwear or naked on bare floors, are heart breaking as well as chilling  (for the record, I have worked with developmentally disabled people and their families  for the past 24 years ).  If nothing else, the images point out our inherent inhumanity to those we view as weak, unneeded and undesirable.  They point out that we are pretty lousy at caring for our own - that we would all rather  look the other way, than take responsibility ; or worse yet, lend a hand and do our part for the least of our brothers.  Odd that I should come away from a documentary about a serial killer feeling ashamed of  the human race, but that's exactly how Cropsey made me feel.


Co-directors, Barbara Brancaccio and Joshua Zeman certainly have opened up a can of worms with their multidirectional approach of film making; what starts as an exploration of an urban legend (one that seems to have inspired almost every slasher film ever made in the late 70's through the 80's - a crazed killer seeking revenge on those who have wronged him, or possibly a family member), soon becomes a bleak tale of missing children, questionable police work, mob mentality, and, possibly, a Satanic cult. 


In a nutshell: in 1987 a developmentally disabled, 13 year old girl named Jennifer Schweiger goes missing and soon her entire community on Staten Island assists the authorities in looking for her.  Soon it is reported that Schweiger was last seen in the company of a man named Andre Rand, a middle aged drifter and former employee of The Willowbrook School.  Before long, Rand is suspected of other disappearances from the area - all of them mentally disabled children, some who have been missing since the early 70's.  Forget the lack of any real evidence, or any credible witnesses, the public needed a monster to blame, and they got one in the silent, brooding Rand.  That he was photographed drooling as he was led out of the police station certainly did not help his case...

...after serving several years for the kidnapping (but not murder)  of Schweiger, Rand was accused and tried in the kidnapping of Holly Ann Hughes, another  child, who had gone missing 20 years earlier.   Dubbed the Hannibal Lechter of Staten Island by the press, once again, it appeared that Rand  would be done in by circumstantial evidence and the testimony of witnesses who seemed dubious choices at best.


Oddly, at this point, Rand looked less the drooling monster, and more of a slim, silent college professor in appearance. 


It does not help that the film makers advance all sort of odd theories, even hinting that Rand merely kidnapped the children and gave them to a Satanic Cult who had been holding black masses at the now abandoned state school.   And what about the "witnesses" interviewed for the film?  One hot mess of a woman says that she was friends with several of the missing children, even though she gets their names wrong - and then makes a ridiculous claim that she "saw" Rand take one of the children, she knew it was him, even though he was wearing a mask. 


Don't get me wrong, it's hard to defend Andre Rand, the man is clearly a creep, but did he kidnap and kill these children?  I am not so sure  - at least after watching Cropsey, I was not totally convinced. 


The filmmakers try and get an interview with Rand, but they ultimately fail.  And that's where the movie stumbles.  Had we heard from this guy's mouth an admission or a denial, it would have made things easier on the viewer...as it stands, everything seems circumstantial at best. And all we are left with is an angry community out for blood, grieving families aching for closure, and the horrific idea that a handful of  disabled  children could only be conspicuous in their death, as opposed to the hundreds who suffered out of sight, and out of mind at The Willowbrook School for decades.

F13 Marathon 5: FRESH SLABS OF MEAT: Hunky Victims (2)

Victim: Jeff (unknown last name)
Film: Friday the 13th Part 2
Hunk Factor: Baby face, nice arms, wears shorts, fond of his cap, shaggy hair.

Dispatched by: Six foot spear driven into his back while he is screwing his girlfriend.
Played by: Bill Randolph

Jeff and his gal - together forever (note the exposed butt)

F13 Marathon 4: Grande Dame Guignol: Friday the 13th

Name: Pamela Voorhees. Retired camp cook.

Location: Camp Crystal Lake, New Jersey.

Modus Operandi: Deranged grieving mother who, at first seems like a caring person, but, in actuality blames the world for the death of her only son, Jason. Handy with a bow and arrow, axe, spears, knives, can throw a punch better than Muhammad Ali. Seemingly as strong as an ox. Possibly schizophrenic. Definitely psychotic. More than likely a victim of Jocasta complex. Fond of cable knit sweaters. Will sometimes speak in her dead son's voice, "Kill 'er mommy! Kill 'er!!!" Possible member of the moral majority.

Camp Factor: Mrs. Voorhees is a force of feminist nature; built like a linebacker while busily chewing up the scenery like a drunken drag queen doing Judy Garland at Wigstock. Done in by one of the best beheadings ever seen on the silver screen!

Played By: 50's B. Movie Queen and T.V. celebrity, Betsy Palmer.

mama gets beheaded