Who's Your Psycho-Brother?

Haddonfield, Illinois's favorite son, Michael Myers, has been played by seven actors so far (nine if you count the two moppets who played him as a little boy in the original and Rob Zombie's ill advised remake). In all , the strong but silent knife welding galoot, with a thing for his older sister, has appeared in all but one of the Halloween Films (Halloween 3 - The Season of the Witch).

In the original, Michael was actually played by three actors. Will Sandon played the six year old Michael, Nick Castle played the stalking version (The Shape) and Tony Moran played the adult Michael Myers who is revealed momentarily by Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis) when she tries to yank his mask off. With the exception of his bloody eye, this Michael looked pretty hot.

In the sequel, Nick Castle once more donned the mask and played Michael like some unstoppable force of nature who stalks Haddonfield Memorial Hospital once more, seeking his sister until he is finally put down (or so it seems) by Dr. Loomis (Donald Pleasence), several tanks of explosive gas, and a Bic Lighter. While this Michael seemed more focused, it's a good thing he kept his mask on.

As mentioned, Halloween 3, The Season of the Witch did not feature Michael -- but fear not, several years later, Michael was back in the subtly titled, Halloween 4 - The Return of Michael Myers.

With the release of Halloween 4... it was obvious that the series was on a major slide into the ridiculous. Featuring a ludicrous script concerning Michael waking from a coma to hunt down his niece (!) - Michael had gone from a bogey man to a scary uncle. It seems only fitting that he was played by the avuncular, George Wilbur.

If part 4 was ridiculous, the follow up, Halloween 5, The Revenge of Michael Myers was even worse. Here we have Michael still in
pursuit of his little niece, Jamie (Danielle Harris) who seems to now have some kind of telepathic radar system that keeps her Uncle Mikey and her in constant touch. Oddly enough at the end of this movie, after Michael is arrested by Haddonfield's finest, a man with a tattoo on his wrist shows up and frees him from jail because...well it's all sort of explained in Part 6 (sort of). Here Mike is played by Native American, Don Shanks.

Rock bottom finally comes with Halloween 6, The Curse of Michael Myers where we discover that Mikey is a victim of some old curse that can only be rectified if the victim of said curse kills off the last of his family's bloodline. What's even more bizarre is that it turns out that their is some kind of conspiracy going on and it involves some of Haddonfield's movers and shakers as well as a hidden area of Haddonfield Memorial Hospital ... and ah, skip it, this is probably one of the worst of the franchise and it pretty much derailed the series for a bit. Once again, Mike is played by George Wilbur.

The rebirth of Halloween came with H2O, Halloween Twenty Years Later. Forget the last few ludicrous films, H2O finds Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis) alive
and well and living under the name of Kerri Tate, the headmistress of an exclusive private school in Northern California. Twenty years have passed since that fateful night in Haddonfield, but Strode is still haunted by dreams of her brother, and faster than you can say, Mister Sandman, bring me a dream, Michael finds his way back to finish up what he started. However, he did not count on his sister being so handy with an axe! Michael is played by strapping stunt man, Chris Durand in this epic (my second favorite of the entire series).

Smelling money, yet anoth
er Halloween was cranked out a year or so later. Entitled Halloween: Resurrection, this movie destroys everything we thought we learned in the previous film, we discover that Laurie did not actually kill her brother, no, she actually killed an innocent man, and has spent the past few years of her life in an asylum, blah, blah, blah, Michael comes back and kills her and then goes back to Haddonfield and Tyra Banks and a bunch of other morons are making some kind of reality show at the old Myers house, a lot of people get killed and -- well, I never made it to the end of this film. As horrid as it was, the extremely handsome Brad Loree was the killer this time, and of course we never get to see his gorgeous face.

Boy Howdy, take a look at that puss! I think we have a winner for the hottest Michael Myers!


I'd be remiss not to mention Rob Zombie's abomination; his version of Halloween, a film that gave us an exhaustive back story of why Michael became a serial killer. Michael was raised by a stripper mother, had an evil step father, and his eldest sister was something of the town slut. In classic Zombie style we get a lot of flash and no substance. Anyway, this time Michael was played professional wrestler, Tyler Mane. Not much else to say about this movie, other than it was dreadful.

1 comment:

Blogger said...

I've just installed iStripper, and now I can watch the best virtual strippers get naked on my desktop.