Mother of Lousy Movies
Dario Argento's Mother of Tears (La Terza Madre) is so damn awful, so twisted, so over the top, so poorly acted, so ridiculously plotted that the appearance of a demonic monkey in the first few minutes of the action, seems to make perfect sense in the universe the film is set in.
Let me see, what else?
Oh, how about an enchanted, bedazzled sweat shirt that seems to hold some monumental magical power to it? Yes, a sweat shirt ... though to be fair, it is not referred to as such... still though, to the untrained eye, it looks like something Jennifer Beals might have worn back in the day.
Yes, the witches! Groups of gals (and a few guys) descending on Rome in packs who seemingly forgot to change hair and makeup since sometime in 1986. With the exception of one (an Asian woman who looks like she stepped out of a Duran Duran video - who gets her comeuppance by way of a bathroom door that smashes her head in) , most of these harpies just travel around in ugly clothing, talking wildly and hoping everyone else notices them ... sort of like that other pack of harpies from Sex and the City.
Oh, and ...
... forgive me, but who told Asia Argento that she can act? My god, I am sure she's a sweet gal, but she's about as compelling as a plate of cold pasta.
The Third Mother; the title character, the reason for all of this crazy shit going down. Sorry, but this strega was about as scary as a Project Runway reject. Moran Atias is one hot babe, for sure, but she's got no screen presence whatsoever. Her tits look good, so there's that. And those knockers go on display every chance they get.
So there you have it. A real piece of crap. Yes, there a few Grand-Guignol type murders (my fave being the woman choked by her own entrails), and a scene concerning a mother disposing of her infant baby (which put me in mind of a similar scene in Warhol's Women in Revolt); and if that's enough for you, then by all means, seek it out. As for everyone else ... just rent Suspiria again and call it a day.