8/31/08

Doll Parts: Lessons Learned from Dead Silence


* Ryan Kwanten, the star of Dead Silence is soooo pretty ... well, don't take my word for it, feast your eyes on a photo of him pre-Dead Silence: nuff said!

* Never leave your wife alone with a ventriloquist's dummy that has just been delivered to you anonymously.

* I've know this simple fact for years, but Dead Silence one more proves that ventriloquist's dummies are the most fucking evil things in the world!

* Donnie Wahlberg is to B-Films what Parker Posey is to Indie Films.

* Never EVER, tell a ventriloquist, "I can see your mouth moving".

* If your family was party to the murder of a crazy old ventriloquist lady, you are fucked.

* It's always a good idea to remind the viewing audience that the filmmaker was also responsible for a spate of dreadful films by featuring a prop from said dreadful films in your most recent effort.

* Young, pretty, step-mother's are, of course, evil.

* If a ventriloquist dummy is the most fucking evil thing in the world, then a clown dummy is the most fucking evil thing in the universe!

*Your father has not had a stroke, he's just a puppet.

* Take heed the old nursery rhyme of your childhood:"Beware the stare of Mary Shaw. She had no children only dolls. And if you see her in your dreams, do not ever, ever scream."

4 comments:

CRwM said...

When I saw Dead Silence, I saw in the sort of theater that is frequented by rowdy teens, freshly freed from school and half-drunk on stolen nips from their parents' booze cabinets, who still treat horror as a liberating social ritual, rather than an aesthetic experience. They clapped when Jigsaw's puppet made his cameo. I half expected them to stand up and give the golf clap: "Well played, little puppet, well played."

ARBOGAST said...

Dead Silence one more proves that ventriloquist's dummy's are the most fucking evil things in the world!

You took the words right out of my mouth! But you lost 8/10 of a point for using a possessive apostrophe for the plural of dummy.

Pax Romano said...

Arby wow, I did not even notice...I'll clean that up posthaste!

ARBOGAST said...

Now I can rest.