Ruth Gordon has Risen from the Grave!
Edgartown, Massachusetts: Authorities have reported that the reanimated corpse of Academy Award winning actress, Ruth Gordon was seen wandering the streets of this sleepy town. "Miss Gordon died here in 1985 and was interred in the local cemetery per her wishes", said Edgartown police chief, William Samuels.
According to Chief Samuels, Gordon's zombie was first seen hobbling down Main Street. "She was not much but bones, a bad wig and her burial dress, but that old girl was moving with a purpose!"
Shortly after being sighted, it was then reported that Gordon's zombie was next seen on an Amtrak train that was headed for Los Angeles. Passengers on the same train all agreed that while she was indeed "living dead", Miss Gordon was purportedly pleasant and did not bother anyone.
"I am pretty sure she is heading back to Hollywood to kill anyone involved with the reported remake of Rosemary's Baby", said an Amtrak employee who wished to remain anonymous, "I think Michael Bay better go into hiding, because something tells me that she's going to tear his balls off when she finds him!"
In similar news, it was recently reported that the reanimated corpses of Patsy Kelly, Maurice Evans and Phil Leeds were also seen near the offices of Bay's production company, Platinum Dunes...