6/6/10

Bad Bad Boys, You Make Me Feel So Good

For Gay Pride Month,  it's time for a little sexual objectification here at BLS.  Let's take a look at a handful of  Bad Boys from Horror Films - you know the type; you'd never take them home to meet your momma, but a one night stand might not be out of the question...

Norman Bates (Psycho):

Sure, sure, at first glance, he's anything but a rebel.  A seemingly decent fellow who runs a small hotel on a back road.  Devoted to his mother, and fastidiously clean, shy and reserved.  However, you know that if you could just keep him away from knives, wigs and dresses, he might be a lot of fun between the sheets.  Sure, the both of you would  have to work through years of "mother issues", but chances are once that was achieved, Norman might be a hell of a good lay!

Billy Nolan (Carrie):

Bates High School's king of the auto shop, Billy Nolan is the kind of guy we all could not help but notice.  His confident strut, his great head of hair.  Sure, he's not very bright, but that works in our favor - just blow in his ear, and he'll follow you anywhere.  Easily manipulated, and willing to do anything to get laid, chances are you could have your car's brakes worked on provided you were willing to go down on him (or vice versa) .  Sex is probably energetic and quick with Billy, but what the heck; your needs are met, and you got an oil change (or a bucket of pig's blood) in the deal!


Count Dracula (Dracula - 1979) :

Yeah, yeah, your immortal soul is in danger - big fucking deal.  When you find a blood sucker as suave as this Count, you take it!   Personally, I love a vampire who shows  a little chest when he comes to my window.  Furthermore, there's those crazy eyes of his (Jeepers Creepers, where did he get those peepers?) .  Unlike other less skilled Nosferatu, this Dracula knows how to really seduce his conquests.  He's not afraid of a little kissing, and whispering sweet nothings before he get's down to action.   Best thing about doing it with Count Dracula?  You don't have to make him breakfast in the morning!

George Lutz (The Amityville Horror):

Woof, woof!  George is a DILF.  He's good with an axe, and crazier than a bed bug!  But let's face facts, everyone knows that these "on edge" types are the best lays in the world.  Insanely enthusiastic, chances are you'll both break quite a sweat before too long, but that's good a thing, sex with someone like George is one of those events that only happens rarely - savor it, and go back for seconds (crazy guys can go all night!) but just make sure you DON'T have sex at his place, trust me on that one. 


Captain Rhodes (Day of the Dead):

He might be running this monkey farm, but what he really needs is a good roll in the hay.  Come on, all that bravado, yelling, screaming, it's just pent up sexual energy.  Take away his guns, and get him out of that dirty uniform, and Captain Rhodes will be putty in your hands.  All he needs is someone who is not afraid to to stand up to him.  You can wear him down, and have a lot of fun doing so - within a few hours, he'll be your punk, begging for more.  Then it's your call, do you go back for seconds, or do you feed him to the zombies?

3 comments:

The Divine Ms. Jimmi said...

Give me Dracula any day. He's a Count (royalty), sexy and suave, a good dresser, very seductive plus he owns real estate.

Of course, George Lutz as channeled by Ryan Reynolds would be hot, too. Ryan's George shows lots of skin and a sexy hot bod in the Amityville Remake making it worth the price!

Jack Veasey said...

George Lutz would be my choice. Either of them -- the Ryan or James version -- or (better yet) BOTH simultaneously!

Rob said...

I also have to go with Mr. Lutz (Brolin or Reynolds),but how 'bout Brolin Jr? He was a certifiable bad-ass in Planet Terror and seemed...oh, I don't know..j-u-s-t pissed off enough about his wife's lesbo-riffic adventures to make me wonder if he didn't have a backstory of his own (it doesn't hurt that he looks a lot like the BF). Literally, the handsomest man on Earth!