12/28/09

Movie Poster Madness: 2009's Suck Fest Edition


"Based on True Events" means, "A germ of truth bastardized to the nth degree and loaded with crappy CGI effects to appeal to the lowest common denominator".   Actually, I enjoyed a small portion of this film, but in the end, it really just degenerated into a ridiculous haunted house story.

What I found so beguiling about this remake, is that it made the original Friday the 13th look like Citizen Kane in comparison.  Damn you Jared Padalecki for drawing me in to this mess, damn you to hell!

I know that a lot of people enjoyed this film.  I was not one of them.  What was this, a zombie film with out zombies?  A cautionary tale about swine flu?  Frankly Carriers had all the thrills of a made-for-tv-flick (one you might see on SyFy).  Damn you, Chris Meloni for drawing me into  this mess, damn you to hell!

Oh FUCK YOU, Rob Zombie.  And that's all I am going to say about this piece of shit remake/reboot/rewhatever.  And for the record, I watched a bootleg of this piece of tripe, so there!

So you say your movie is a piece of crap?  No prob, just put your leading lady's perky butt on the movie poster and you've got a hit!

By now, you all should know that I was on the set of this film a couple years ago when in L.A. - even then I sensed that Obsessed sounded a lot like Fatal Attraction.  When I finally got around to watching it, I realized that no matter what source material the film makers were ripping off, they'd pretty much created one the worst films ever.  Beyonce' you are a very pretty woman, no doubt, but your acting in this was...it was...well it was dreadful.  Add to that a ludicrous script and an ending that is telegraphed in the first five minutes of the film and you've got something so inept, so crappy, so moronic, I for one was shocked that it did not become the biggest money making movie of the year!

6 comments:

BJ-C said...

amen to everything you said. every single word.

Sarah from Scare Sarah said...

Thanks Romano. I liked the perky bum though...

I Love Horror said...

Carriers was phenomenal. That little SNAFU aside, your list is pretty damned on point.

Andre said...

"Based on a True Story" is almost as heartbreaking to see on a poster as "A Rob Zombie Film".

Te* said...

I couldn't agree with you more on the Rob Zombie thing. I hated the Halloween films he butchered so much it pissed me off. Thankfully we all have John Carpenters brilliat original to hold and console us. ;)

The Divemistress said...

It just struck me that Jason looks a lot like a butcher in that picture. Which of course brings to mind the equally appalling TCM remake. Way to go Platinum Dunes. Way. To. Go.