The moment you've been waiting for is finally here - that's right ladies and germs, after weeks of counting, and recounting votes, taking bribes, and avoiding Joan River's phone calls, it's time to announce:
The 2009 HOT ZOMBIE AWARDS
for excellence in horror blogging
- Our first award is for the Best Blog Written by A Gay Man Trapped in the Body of A Sexy Young College Co-Ed: and that award goes to DAY OF THE WOMAN. When not twirling her baton, working with the homeless, or assisting illegal immigrants across the border, BJ-C hosts one of the freshest new horror blogs on the interwebs. BJ puts a lot of the boys to shame with her no-nonsense, ballsy prose and feminist take on the genre of film we love so much.
- Wasn't that exciting? Of course it was! Our next award is for the Blog With the Catchiest Title, EVAH!: and it will not take much to figure out why, CHUCK NORRIS ATE MY BABY is taking home an HZA tonight! Ok, well, besides the blog's moniker, it's a great read. Matt House come on up and take a freakin' bow!
- My goodness, that was a great acceptance speech, Matt, now go sit down, and take that bottle of cheap whiskey with you ... Next up, a very special award, for a special blog, the Best Blog By a Guy Named, Ryne goes to THE MOON IS A DEAD WORLD. I said, the Best Blog By a Guy Named, Ryne goes to THE MOON IS A DEAD W..., what's that? Sorry, Ryne could not be here tonight, so I'll accept this award for him: Ryne would like to thank his girlfriend, his parents, and god. Thank you.
- Heavens, Is this exciting? I am positivity shivering in delight. That said, our next award is for the Best Blog By a Former WWF/WWE Employee, and that award goes to THE VAULT OF HORROR ! Lauded by everyone from one of Howard Stern's lackeys to the shoeshine guy at the New York Port Authority's bus station, TVOH might just be the most entertaining horror blog out there. Considering that blog-master, B-Sol, spent ten years in prison after taking the fall for his former boss over that steroid scandal at the WWF, Mr. Sol maintains an air of dignity and class seldom scene in the hard scrabble world of blogging. He's also one hell of a great writer.
- Wow, did Kanye West just run off with B-Sol's award? Shit, where the hell is security? Moving right along, our next award is for The Best Damn Written Blog That's So Good, It Puts Everyone Else to Shame, and that award goes to the Monster Scholar, Jeanette, and her labor of love, MONSTER LAND. Well executed, painfully researched, and often witty, Jeanette brings some much needed class to the horror blogging community.
- Now it's time for two very special awards. Here at Billy Loves Stu, we pride ourselves on being aboveboard and not easily swayed, but when blogger, Sean Abley showed up at Billy Loves Stu offices decked out in a form fitting little Channel number and said, "You like? I am going to be wearing it to the HZA's this year!" It broke our heart, and we decided to award Sean's GAY OF THE DEAD the HZA for The Gayest Gay Horror Blog in The World! Kisses, Sean, WE LOVE YOU! Of course, you know what bitches bloggers can be (sure you do), so when Vince Liaguno of Slasher Speak got word of Sean's award, well, let's just say it wasn't very pretty ... so in order to keep the peace, we've decided to honor the prolific Mr. Liaguno with the award for The Best Blog By a Gay Man Obsessed with Jamie Lee Curtis! Come on up here, Vinnie, you crazy beyotch and get your HZA!
- Getting down to the wire, only one more award before we give out the final...now then, our next winner is a former child star, CEO of a failed Fortune 500 Company, and of course, a fantastic blogger! For the winner of The Blog With the Most Disturbing Header Picture, ladies and germs, give it up for, I LOVE HORROR MOVIES. Carl is a man with so many DVD's he has an on-line database (HERE), and his take on horror and sci-fi flicks is a must read (as is his failed scripts section).
- And now, our final award of the night...drum-roll please...the HZA for The Hand's Down Coolest Freakin' Horror Blog In The World goes to, ZOMBO'S CLOSET OF HORROR!! Every day, day after day, The Master of all Horror Bloggers, Iloz Zoc treats his readers to dark pleasures, movie reviews, and, profiles of fellow bloggers. And, if that's not enough, Mr. Zoc also runs that tree-house of terrors known as The League of Tana Tea Drinkers; a clearing house for the web's most
crazedtalented horror bloggers. Were it not for the kindness of Mr. Zoc, most Tana Tea denizens would probably be locked away in padded cells somewhere - however, Mr. Zoc brought us all together and turned us into a happy dysfunctional family of misfits. Thanks, IIoz!