8/14/08

The Men of Haddonfield Illinois


Haddonfield Illinois is so well known for it's most infamous resident, Michael Audrey Meyers, that one wonders about the other sons of this mid-western town.

Wonder no longer; presented for your approval:

The Men of Haddonfield:

This corn-fed son of the Prairie State, who here so proudly flashes his abs of steel, was the boyfriend of the late, Judith Margret Myers. Playful, quick and energetic, this never-named- young-man, quickly brushed off the death of his beloved in 1963 and found fame and fortune as a physique model for Bruce of Los Angeles and later for the Athletic Model Guild.
Don Strode, owner of Haddonfield's premiere real estate company, Strode Reality; Besides being the adoptive father of Laurie, Mr. Strode was a known man about town, and was rumored to be "hung like a horse". Before the tragic occurrences in his hometown, Mr. Strode and his wife hosted key-parties with other Haddonfield couples including The Wallace's and The Doyle's. Most of Haddonfield's desperate housewives (and a few of the husbands) were said to be infatuated with the well hung realtor.
While not an actual resident of Haddofield, Dr. Terrance Wynn, head of Smith's Grove Sanatorium was a known player at some of Haddonfield's hot spots, including The Rabbit in Red Lounge.
While not named, this cute red-head classmate of Laurie's is probably the boy friend of Laurie's nympho pal, Annie. "Oh Paul, we can no longer stall"; yeah we'd all be singing that song as we headed out for a late night date with "old jerko" as Annie called him.
And what about this poor guy? I guess this would be Mister Phelps, owner of Phelps Garage just outside of town. Damn, he was Michael's first victim that Halloween, and nobody remembers the shlub. Well, Mr. Phelps, we remember ... and yes, Michael took his clothes and wore his jump suit for, like, forever!

Could it be? Could this be Laurie's beloved, Ben Tramer? We're not sure, but his hot hair cut, and purposeful stride seems about right. Ben, it's a good thing you never fucked our Laurie, or she'd never have become the original final girl! What a shame he get's toasted in part II!


Sheriff Bracket: Haddonfield's top dawg and father of the promiscuous, drug using, doomed, Annie. Word around town is that Bracket's mutton chops made the lady's knees go weak!


Lest we forget the care-taker of Haddonfield's cemetery. More than likely the town drunk, He was rumored to have had long going affair with the head clerk of Haddonfield Memorial Library.

Woah! Who's the hot cop back there making time with the skirt? We don't know either, but we think he's a big fan of Adam-12 or CHIPS.

Bob! We so totally dig Bob, totally! Don't let those Pondexter specs fool ya, Bob is a sex machine and he knows how to keep his goofy girl friend, Linda happy. If only she did not want a damn beer, Bob would still be boning his way through the gals of Haddonfield.


Oh Mister Sandman, Bring me a Dream....

2 comments:

The Divine Ms. Jimmi said...

Sexy men and real estate! Always a winner.

Adam said...

I bet Don Strode threw some killer orgies at the Meyers' house.