Some of the Best Bare Chests in Horror : Horror Movie Hunks (first in a possible series)

Everyone knows that horror films are overflowing with comely lasses and their heaving bosoms. Women in flimsy night gowns running through the mist, taking showers at out-of-the-way motels, or maybe just showing up naked because, well, let's face it, sex sells! If you are a straight male, your needs have more than been met in scare cinema.

But what about the rest of us? Gay men, straight women? What about our needs?

Glad you asked. Submitted for your approval, here are some bare chested Horror Movie Hunks to ogle, Gentlemen, remove your shirts!

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First up is Ryan Reynolds as George Lutz in The Amityville Horror (remake).

I am going to admit, I really did not care for this movie, it was pretty trite, but I could almost forgive all of the shortcomings as it seemed that Reynolds appears shirtless in almost every other scene.

I am pretty sure the only reason this film was made was to show RR in various stages of undress. No complaints here.

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Richard Carlson (on the left) played Dr. David Carlson in The Creature from the Black Lagoon. I loved him in this movie; he may be a scientist, but he's not some stuffed shirt, no sir, Doc David will strip down to form fitting shorts and tear his shirt off at a moments notice if he fears that his beloved (Julie Adams) is in danger from the Gill Man.

Smart, strong and sexy, and I'll bet he made house-calls!

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Pretty little Ben (played by pretty little Jesse Bradford) is getting the Fatal Attraction vibe from the new girl at school, Madison ( the downright gorgeous, Erika Christensen) in Swimfan. Granted, this is another pretty bad film, were it not for Bradford and the rest of the guys constantly showing up in their bathing suits, I might have never made it to the totally predictable ending.

Still, that Jesse Bradford sure is purdy...

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Had enough veal? Good, because it's time for some prime beef! That slab of nasty monster sexiness up there is Cal Bolder from Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter.


I can recall seeing this movie on a Saturday afternoon when I was about thirteen years old and when I caught site of Bolder as the monster ... well, let's just say it remolded my already twisted sexual psyche. I mean check out THAT RACK! Heck, I can forget the giant scar that makes his head look like covered casserole dish...

...and then there was the moment when the monster carries off some struggling guy to Frankenstein's daughter's lab...

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Of course there is no way one can talk about horror movie hunks and not mention Christian Bale as the titular anti hero of American Psycho.

Sculpted to perfection, Patrick Bateman is the serial killer for the Wall Street / Soloflex generation.

It does not matter if he was quoting pop music lyrics, chopping up co-workers, or chasing someone down hall way, stark naked, with a chainsaw. Pat was one hot psychopath!

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Finally, more than just another pretty face, Gary Conway played Bob in I Was a Teenage Frankenstein. And then pretty much redid the role in How To Make a Monster. Actually, both of these films are pretty good in a campy sort of way, you should seek them out.

As for Mr. Conway, well, here's a look at him with out the monster make up - said photo is from sometime in the mid 70's.

Halloween's Coming, and so are The Horror Hunks!

Halloween's coming, kiddies, and the very first sign of it just popped up at Casa Romano via these tacky skeleton straws which I placed into my oh-so-gay Marilyn Monroe tumblers which sit in front of my James Dean salt and pepper shakers. Yes, as a gay man, I am obligated to own trashy pop icon artifacts - really, it's in the rule book!


Also, in honor of the upcoming holiday, Billy Loves Stu will be presenting the Hottest Horror Hunks of all time (and in case you are keeping score, that's a shirtless Matthew McConaughey from the film, Frailty). Stay tuned as we trot out the sexiest mo fo's in horror films who have gone shirtless (or more) for their art.

The 2009 Hot Zombie Awards for Excellence in Horror Blogging

The moment you've been waiting for is finally here - that's right ladies and germs, after weeks of counting, and recounting votes, taking bribes, and avoiding Joan River's phone calls, it's time to announce:

The 2009 HOT ZOMBIE AWARDS

for excellence in horror blogging

• Our first award is for the Best Blog Written by A Gay Man Trapped in the Body of A Sexy Young College Co-Ed: and that award goes to DAY OF THE WOMAN. When not twirling her baton, working with the homeless, or assisting illegal immigrants across the border, BJ-C hosts one of the freshest new horror blogs on the interwebs. BJ puts a lot of the boys to shame with her no-nonsense, ballsy prose and feminist take on the genre of film we love so much.
• Wasn't that exciting? Of course it was! Our next award is for the Blog With the Catchiest Title, EVAH!: and it will not take much to figure out why, CHUCK NORRIS ATE MY BABY is taking home an HZA tonight! Ok, well, besides the blog's moniker, it's a great read. Matt House come on up and take a freakin' bow!
• My goodness, that was a great acceptance speech, Matt, now go sit down, and take that bottle of cheap whiskey with you ... Next up, a very special award, for a special blog, the Best Blog By a Guy Named, Ryne goes to THE MOON IS A DEAD WORLD. I said, the Best Blog By a Guy Named, Ryne goes to THE MOON IS A DEAD W..., what's that? Sorry, Ryne could not be here tonight, so I'll accept this award for him: Ryne would like to thank his girlfriend, his parents, and god. Thank you.

• Heavens, Is this exciting? I am positivity shivering in delight. That said, our next award is for the Best Blog By a Former WWF/WWE Employee, and that award goes to THE VAULT OF HORROR ! Lauded by everyone from one of Howard Stern's lackeys to the shoeshine guy at the New York Port Authority's bus station, TVOH might just be the most entertaining horror blog out there. Considering that blog-master, B-Sol, spent ten years in prison after taking the fall for his former boss over that steroid scandal at the WWF, Mr. Sol maintains an air of dignity and class seldom scene in the hard scrabble world of blogging. He's also one hell of a great writer.
• Wow, did Kanye West just run off with B-Sol's award? Shit, where the hell is security? Moving right along, our next award is for The Best Damn Written Blog That's So Good, It Puts Everyone Else to Shame, and that award goes to the Monster Scholar, Jeanette, and her labor of love, MONSTER LAND. Well executed, painfully researched, and often witty, Jeanette brings some much needed class to the horror blogging community.

• Now it's time for two very special awards. Here at Billy Loves Stu, we pride ourselves on being aboveboard and not easily swayed, but when blogger, Sean Abley showed up at Billy Loves Stu offices decked out in a form fitting little Channel number and said, "You like? I am going to be wearing it to the HZA's this year!" It broke our heart, and we decided to award Sean's GAY OF THE DEAD the HZA for The Gayest Gay Horror Blog in The World! Kisses, Sean, WE LOVE YOU! Of course, you know what bitches bloggers can be (sure you do), so when Vince Liaguno of Slasher Speak got word of Sean's award, well, let's just say it wasn't very pretty ... so in order to keep the peace, we've decided to honor the prolific Mr. Liaguno with the award for The Best Blog By a Gay Man Obsessed with Jamie Lee Curtis! Come on up here, Vinnie, you crazy beyotch and get your HZA!

• Getting down to the wire, only one more award before we give out the final...now then, our next winner is a former child star, CEO of a failed Fortune 500 Company, and of course, a fantastic blogger! For the winner of The Blog With the Most Disturbing Header Picture, ladies and germs, give it up for, I LOVE HORROR MOVIES. Carl is a man with so many DVD's he has an on-line database (HERE), and his take on horror and sci-fi flicks is a must read (as is his failed scripts section).
• And now, our final award of the night...drum-roll please...the HZA for The Hand's Down Coolest Freakin' Horror Blog In The World goes to, ZOMBO'S CLOSET OF HORROR!! Every day, day after day, The Master of all Horror Bloggers, Iloz Zoc treats his readers to dark pleasures, movie reviews, and, profiles of fellow bloggers. And, if that's not enough, Mr. Zoc also runs that tree-house of terrors known as The League of Tana Tea Drinkers; a clearing house for the web's most crazed talented horror bloggers. Were it not for the kindness of Mr. Zoc, most Tana Tea denizens would probably be locked away in padded cells somewhere - however, Mr. Zoc brought us all together and turned us into a happy dysfunctional family of misfits. Thanks, IIoz!

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Ok Winners, here's your award, copy it, and flaunt it proudly on your blog, cause you've been bit!

The HZA's are Coming...

Stay tuned as Billy Loves Stu (a Pax Romano concern) will dole out it's first ever round of awards to the blogs that rock, the ones that never stop, and those that make me pop!

That's right, kids, I figure if everyone else can Photoshop a picture and call it an award, shit, so can I.

So sit tight and in the next day or two, I'll be putting on the old tux and handing the First Ever Hot Zombie Awards , or the HZA's as we like to call 'em here at Pax Romano Inc.

Isn't She Lovely ? : Grace

Among the many shocking aspects of the movie, Grace, is the small but important fact that this film was written and directed by a man. Paul Solet's bizarre and disturbing fairy tale concerning motherhood is so female-centric, that I was kind of blown away upon discovering that a male delivered this bundle of bloody joy.

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Jordan Ladd and Stephen Park play Michael and Madeline Matheson, a young couple expecting a child. While the Matheson's seem like a relatively happy couple, it's clear that things are not picture perfect between them - in an early scene we watch as the couple are having sex, she stares off impassively, seemingly in another world; after that we are introduced to Michael's parents, and it's quite clear that Madeline and her husband's mother's relationship is strained at best (it's actually quite amusing as Michael's mother, Vivian, played by Gabrielle Rose, sniffs and picks at the vegan meal her daughter-in-law has prepared - Rose is the kind of actress who says more with the arch of an eyebrow than most can with ten pages of dialogue).

One night, as the couple are driving home from a maternity room misadventure, they are involved in a car accident. The wreck claims the life of Michael, but Madeline is OK. Unfortunatley, it seems that her unborn child is not.

Depressed, and despondent, Madeline decides to continue her pregnancy and deliver her child stillborn.

Several weeks later, with the help of a midwife (Samantha Ferris) and her assistants, the child comes, and is, indeed, dead. Still, Madeline wants to hold the lifeless baby ...and then, miracle of miracles, the baby seemingly comes back to life ... and that's when the fun begins.

Postpartum craziness ensues as Madeline slowly discovers that her daughter, Grace, does not want milk or formula, and that, in fact, this little bambino craves human blood to sustain itself. Like any good mother, she does what she has to do to see that her child is fed, and if that means letting her baby suckle at her breast until it draws blood, so be it!

As Madeline goes deeper and deeper into dark places, those around her are doing the same. Her mother-in-law, Vivian, still grieving the loss of her son, wants to be a mother again. At first she has her husband suck at her teat (this scene alone might be one of the most disturbing in the film), later on, she finds her old breast pump and discovers that she can still express milk. The midwife, we discover, was once Madeline's lover, and she's still carrying a torch for her. And what about Vivian's accomplice, Doctor Sohn (Malcolm Stewart) what kind of kinky secrets is he hiding?

Considering that Grace was marketed as a horror film, it is understandable that the audience it was aimed at might have missed the point (go to the comment sections of Grace on IMDB if you want proof - man, some folks are pretty dense) The film is much more of a satire than anything. Helicopter parenting, vegan lifestyles, New Age beliefs, the medical profession, mother hood...each of these topics is skewed masterfully in Grace.

If I have any complaints about this movie, it's the ending. I understand that Solet wanted to give his audience a nice shock at the denouement, but, for me, at least, it seemed to fall flat. But, hey, that's only a very small criticism - and after thinking about it, I can't imagine how anyone could have neatly wrapped this story up (when you watch it, you'll understand).

Great acting by all, a credible and disturbing script, and the cutest monster ever seen in a movie (to borrow from Stevie Wonder, Isn't She Lovely?) Grace is probably one of the best horror/satire/suspense films made in a very long time.

I think that Grace would play great on a double bill with À l'intérieur

Coming Soon: One Gay Man and a Dead Baby

The gods of Netflix have smiled and informed me through a divine messenger (aka gmail) that I will soon take delivery of Grace.

Not since Mary was told by Gabriel that she was knocked up and carrying the spawn of The Almighty has anyone been this happy.

Seriously, I have been licking my chops over this one. Stay tuned and see how it all turns out.

MOVIE POSTER MADNESS: Horror Porn III

The hits just keep on "cumming":

It's alive, and it likes to spank nubile young maidens...

I wonder if she sees dead people...

First came, Buffy the Vampire Layer...

but that wasn't good enough...

 

...so they made Muffy the Vampire Layer .

Then came, Dusk til Porn...

...and since that was also not good enough... 

 

...we got From Lust till Dawn  - (til or till, who proof reads these titles?)

 

Welcome to A Nightmare on Dyke Street

Night of the Giving Head  ask's the age old question,  "Is any man's penis safe?"

And last, but not least, I Know Who You Did Last Summer ...which doesn't ask, (but should) "Is any man's arse safe?"