On the Air!

Since the name of the game these days is "shameless self promotion", allow me a second to engage in that practice and point you to a podcast featuring yours truly...yes, really, it's me full of caffeine and ready to chat up a storm with the Don Draper of the Horror Blogosphere, Brian Solomon over at Conversations in the Dark at The Vault of Horror.  Joining us, was that most charming zombie commandant, Captain Cruella.   

While we were supposed to be debating the films and social consciousness of George A. Romero, we also managed to touch on topics  like horror themed porn, and Sharon Stone (and you know those two subjects always go hand-in-hand).  Anyway, give a listen by clicking the link below.

LINK-A-DINK

Who's the Fairest of Them All? : THE BROKEN

Essentially a re-telling of Invasion of the Body Snatchers, The Broken is a strangely effective little thriller about a British X-Ray technician ( Lena Headey) who suspects that her doppelganger is on the loose causing all kinds of problems for her.  However, as the film progresses, it becomes clear that others are under the same impression as our heroine.

Director, Sean Ellis has crafted a slick film full of detail, lingering takes, and gorgeous sets.  If nothing else.  The Broken is a beautiful looking movie ... thankfully, there is a lot more to it than a highly polished veneer.

One of the delights of watching The Broken are the homages scattered about to other horror films.   The Exorcist, The Shining, and Psycho are all referenced ...

...for instance:

 

A trip up to a creepy attic brings to mind Chris MacNeil's similar misadventure in The Exorcist.

 Two junk yard dogs fight viciously, bringing to mind a similar scene in The Exorcist's prologue.

A late night shower turns violent and bloody much like the mishap at The Bates Motel in Psycho.

There is also a nod to The Shining where a woman locks herself in a bathroom, to avoid her now crazed boyfriend.  Said boyfriend smashes in the door (but no axe is used), and the heroine escapes via a small window.

Homages, and style aside, The Broken works so well, because it has a perplexing plotline that takes the viewer on a mysterious journey where paranoia and fear seem to be lurking in every corner, or behind every mirror.   

What is more terrifying than discovering that the image one gazes upon every morning while brushing his teeth might actually be staring back and hoping for a way out?  And what if that image could manifest into the real world?  Would there be room enough for two?  I guess you'll have to see the movie to find out.

Finally, having no real expectations at all with The Broken, It is a pleasure to announce that this one really delivers the goods.    So sit back, cover all the mirrors in your house, and watch as this film casts its spell and drags you through the looking glass. 

More Halloween Porn!!!

Hey heterosexual horror / porn fans,  it seems that their are TWO X-rated versions of Halloween!

Previously I posted the trailer for Zero Tolerance's Halloween parody.  Today, presented for your consideration, are some stills from Smash Pictures Halloween parody.  From the looks of things, it seems that the fine folks at Smash Pictures have been much more faithful to the original.

Here's our porn versions of Laurie, Linda and Annie.  Interesting that virginal Laurie is showing some leg and wearing her blouse unbuttoned.  But look at the location, it almost looks like where John Carpenter shot the original.

OK, the tombstone looks like it's made out of Styrofoam, and the room is not dark enough, but thumbs up to the set decorator for using those retro linens and including the jack-o-lantern on the bedside table. 

I just gotta laugh at this one; why is the victim looking lovingly at the camera?  Hmmm, and that mask looks kind of cheesy.  Oh yeah, props to the lighting guy or gal for the venetian blind shading on the wall - detail, baby, it's all about the detail! 

OK, this shot looks pretty legitimate, though the victim appears she might be asleep and snoring...hey, but at least she's not flashing her tits! 

Glasses, Check.  Sheet, Check.  Telephone wire...uh, hey, where's the telephone cord?   

Bravo!  Here's X Rated Laurie after she puts down Michael for the first time (L)...sort of brings to mind this still from the real Halloween (R).

Well, uh, OK, who is playing Michael Myers, a 12 year old boy?   Sorry, can't help but chuckle over that mini slasher - looks like a couple of bitch-slaps would bring him down. 

Be that as it may, kudos to the film makers for at least trying to pay homage to the classic while making a skin flick.  Would that Rob Zombie have paid this much attention.

Halloween XXX is due out this September.

It Still Looks Better than anything Rob Zombie Came Up With!

Here's the promo for Zero Tolerance's X rated version of Halloween...words fail me...

Horror Porn Rises From the Grave...Again!

 

The last time we did a Horror Porn posting, the fine folks at Zero Tolerance films were talking up their latest epic, the Halloween Parody.   Well the wait is over, wankers, and on June 25th of this year, the Halloween Parody was released.  Let's take a look at the offical description, shall we? :

Even Haddonfield Illinois has never seen evil quite this twisted! When Michael Myers (Mark Wood) breaks out of the Shady Knobs Asylum where he's been locked up for years for murdering his slutty sister, Dr. Loomis (James Batholet) becomes so obsessed with the unleashed evil that he gets himself into a sexual frenzy which gorgeous latex-clad Nurse Marion is only too happy to indulge. Meanwhile, Michael is headed straight for Haddonfield where nerdy Laurie Strode (Chanel Preston) is busy defending her virginity against her whorish neighbors Lynda (Lexi Belle,) Annie (Dana Dearmond), and Bob (Kris Slater). Zeroing in on these wanton losers, Michael takes on various Halloween disguises to get in some serious action with his famously huge schlong - but climaxes are not enough to quench his taste! By the time Laurie goes to investigate, she is horrified at the trail of bodies she finds, and finds herself face to face with Michael! Laurie tries everything to defend herself, but it's Dr. Loomis who finishes the job, leaving him finally satisfied that the evil is gone. But is it?

 Best movie title, EVER!

Because the only good twink, is a silent twink.

If you need a porn film that references Deliverance, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Devil's Rejects, you might need some professional help.   Want to know more? 

XXX meets deliverance in this blistering fuckfest from director of the year JACKtheZIPPER. Kane and Audrey Hollander deliver explosive performances as the party girls who take a wrong turn and end up sex slaves on the ultimate hillbilly hellride. An absolute scorcher! And a must see for fans of Texas Chainsaw Massacre and the Devil's Rejects. Wall to wall orgies, dp's, anal, and pin-up bondage!

 

No hockey masks, no woods, no campers...but check out her hair! 

Yes, yes, I know, The Da Vinci Code was not a horror film (well Tom Hank's hair was pretty scary, but I digress).Be that as it may, when you read the plot of this epic, well, you will understand that genius has left Hollywood and has now taken up residence at PZP productions.

The Priory of Semen, an ancient secret society, finds an ancient scroll that can only be decoded by soaking it with the loads of Leonardo Da Vinci's studly descendants, who must cum on the faces of virgin twinks. There are all kinds of twists and turns along the way as the Da Vinci Boys pop twink cherries from Stonehenge to The Vatican.

Mad Women : John Carpenter's THE WARD

Legendary director, John Carpenter has not exactly been setting the world on fire lately...it's been a long time since I've seen a film of his that I liked from beginning to end, in fact I'd have to go back to 1988's They Live.  So imagine my surprise when I found myself actually enjoying his latest foray into the genre that made him an icon.

Make no mistake, The Ward is no Dark Star or Halloween or even Christine; but damn if it's not a fine little spook fest full of atmosphere and some nifty scares.

Amber Heard (who, for whatever reason, put me in mind of Elizabeth Berkley in this film) plays a pretty young woman named Kristen who is found in the middle of nowhere staring at a farm house she set on fire earlier.  Soon she is taken to a mental institution and locked up in a special ward full of...well, it's full of other pretty young women who don't seem all that dangerous or in need of being on a locked down section of a hospital, but what the heck. 

Considering that this film is set in 1966,  the state of mental health care shown is less than exemplary.  Electroconvulsive therapy, buckets full of pills and straight jackets are the norm at this sanatorium - but nonetheless, the girls interrupted on the ward are still prone to put on some pop music and dance merrily around the day room when the mood strikes...

When not being terrorized and traumatized by the archaic mental health care, and the seemingly evil Nurse Lundt (Susanna Burney), Kristen begins to have visions of a ghostly patient up to no good.  More than that, she is also prone to flashbacks in which she is chained up in a basement being menaced by a hulking something or other.

Before too long, the apparition (a sort of ghoulish gal) attacks and kills the other women on the ward, knocking off each one via therapeutic devices (a shock treatment machine, lobotomy hammers, etc).  Eventually, Kristen gets her act together and fights back and ... and then the twist is revealed, and it's kind of cool, and very old school.  Honestly The Ward has such a retro feel to it that I am tempted to call it "subtle" in its approach (OK, maybe that's a bit much, but considering the hyper kinetic technique that most thrillers are filmed today, the pace and style of The Ward is rather refreshing).

That's not to say that The Ward is perfect, it's not.  In fact, it has a "shock" ending that almost made me want to prank call Mr. Carpenter and say, "Really John?  That's the best ending you could come up with?  Seriously ?"  Oh and I also had a difficult time believing that someone could fall out of a third story window and survive with nothing more than a few scratches and a broken arm, but that's just me.

Final word; check yourself into  The Ward and you will discover  a decently crafted thriller that despite its flaws (and that dreadful ending) has a throwback feel to it and enough honest scares to make it well worth your time.

A Very Special Guest Vlog By Chris Moore: NIGHT WARNING

I can't say enough about my bud, Chris Moore. The kid is one talented little scamp, and he's got great taste in B-Films (as you will see).

Today, we are honored that Mr. Moore has decided to premiere the season opener of his Internet series, Confessions of a Horror Baby right here on Billy Loves Stu! Even more exciting is the fact that Chris cooked up a special Gay Pride Month (he thinks it's only a week, but that's OK) offering (a few days late, but that is also OK). Sit back, kids and enjoy the bumping and grinding, as well as  the dissecting of Night Warning, a film that features skinny shirtless guys in tight gym shorts, homophobic cops, gay gym coaches, and Warhol Superstar, Miss Susan Tyrrell assaulting a co-ed with a meat tenderizer!  

Take it away, Chris...