Mrs. Myers / Mrs. Voorhees

If the trailer for Rob Zombie's Halloween II is any indication, Michael Myers will now be guided in his murderous ways by visions of his dead mother...

...Now, where have I heard this before? You know, a psychotic, mask wearing galoot, with mommy issues killing everyone in his path

Friday the 13th anyone?

Which means, Zombie seems to be cribbing from Friday the 13th, a movie that pretty much only happened due to the success of the original Halloween...oh my god, is this a case of the snake swallowing its own tail?

This is just too much for me to comprehend, I think I have to lay down.


M.J. Dead

The foulest stench is in the air
The funk of forty thousand years
And grizzly ghouls from every tomb
Are closing in to seal your doom

And though you fight to stay alive
Your body starts to shiver
For no mere mortal can resist
The evil of the thriller


Pitt in Pain

Something about this picture from Cutting Class just cracks me up. A pre-fame (but still pretty buff) Brad Pitt is stuck in a vice while Jill Schoelen attempts to free him (notice the dull-eyed handyman in the back ground just watching).

Who knew then (1989) that Pitt would go on to such fame and fortune while Ms. Schoelen would end up...well, whatever did happen to her?


For Father's Day: Let's Re-Celebrate those DILFs

Horror Movie DILF: What Lies Beneath

Name: Dr. Norman Spencer

Location: A lakefront farmhouse somewhere in Vermont.

Occupation: Genetic research scientist / College professor.

Family: Wife, Claire. Daughter, Caitlin.

Why is He a DILF?: Because he's a mean old daddy bear with a fuzzy chest, and a twisted mind. Outward appearances seem to portray a smart, sensitive man with great tastes. However, his inner self is a beast prone to killing the young co-ed he was having an affair with, gas lighting his wife, and then eventually trying to kill her! But heck, why look at the negatives ... Dr. Spencer is one hawt older dude, and if you are gonna' lust after a psycho, at least make sure he's rich and sexy.

WOOF WOOF, Dr. Spencer.

Played by: Harrison Ford.

Horror Movie DILFS: The Langoliers

Name: Captain Brian Engle

Location: Past, present, and future.

Occupation: Jet Pilot for American Pride Airlines.

Family: Unknown (though the rest of the cast makes a sort of surrogate unit for The Captain).

Why is He a DILF?: With those broad shoulders, blue eyes and baby face; Captain Engle comes across as the ultimate father figure. Soft spoken, deceive, willing to take charge, and yet, a definite aura of sensitivity seems to emanate from him. Who would not want to sit in Captain Engle's cockpit while he steers his massive ship through the friendly skies ... as well as time portals! And then, when the badly animated Pac Men time-eaters show up, it's Captain Engle who manages a magnificent,seat-of-your-pants-escape!

Played By: David Morse

Horror Movie DILFs : Poltergeist

Name: Steve Freeling

Location: Cuesta Verde, California

Occupation: Real Estate agent.

Family: Wife (Diane) Daughters (Dana and Carole Anne) Son (Robbie). Dog (Ebuzz).

Why Is He a DILF?: Though he may very well have morphed into a Regan supporter in later years (early in the film, we see him reading The Gipper's biography), Steve Freeling is a pot smoking, fun loving guy who likes to talk dirty to his wife in a Donald Duck voice. It seems obvious that he knocked up Diane when they were both teens (as is witnessed by the Freeling's eldest daughter, herself a teen). It seems that Steve was probably a wild boy in his day. The Steve we know is the responsible, hardworking, caring father and husband. Men like Steve Freeling are sexy for several reasons, not only are they great guys, but they also can bring home the bacon...and of course when the ghosts take over the Freeling's suburban tract house and kidnap his youngest daughter, he's up for the fight - even if it means putting his faith in a pint sized psychic, watching his wife get sucked into a portal of hell, and telling his boss to fuck off!

Played by: Craig T. Nelson


FRESH SLABS OF MEAT: Hunky Victims (7)

Victim: Jake the fireman

Film: Quarantine

Hunk Factor: Baby faced, good guy. Great smile, nice arse, friendly , not afraid to admire his fellow fireman's "guns", likes to show film crews the locker room at the station - as well as pointing out the rather large appendage of another fellow fire-fighter, can throw a mean right hook (when needed), knows how to give CPR, can take charge in a crisis, very handy with a sledge hammer.

Dispatched by: A crazed rabid man in a spooky old apartment house in downtown Los Angeles.

Played by: Jay Hernandez


Screw You, Molly Hartley!

Have not posted much lately - been busy between work and family obligations. Finally, the other night I had a few hours to myself and settled in to watch a movie. Reaching into the batch of red envelopes that were sitting by the TV, I snatched The Haunting of Molly Hartley out of the pile, popped it into the DVD player and ...

... an hour and a half later I wanted to kick in the TV screen.

Just when I thought mainstream, modern horror could get no worse, along comes Molly Fucking Hartley and her bland face, bloody nose, Annie Hall tie, and whiny voice.

Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick, this movie is Dreadful with a capital D.

Borrowing bits from To the Devil a Daughter, Satan's School from Girls, Rosemary's Baby and The Omen, ...Molly Hartley tells the lame-ass tale of a young lady in some type of private school where they teach Dante's Inferno in English class, and, apparently, not much else. The students all wear uniforms, but you can tell them apart (especially the girls) by their hair. The "troubled" one has a poker straight, razor cut; the "slutty" one has curly hair; the "poor" one has tangled hair...and, well, you get the point. That's pretty much it for character development.

So Molly is a mess, see her mother tried to kill her and is now in an asylum, and now, Molly's dad has moved her away from the scene of the crime to a new town and a new school in the hopes that everything will be A-OK.

It's not, of course. You see, Molly has nose bleeds, and hears voices and (sometimes, well once really) is prone to feats of super-human strength.

It's a thriller-paint-by-the-numbers story as Molly's tale unravels and the Devil (sort of) comes to claim what is rightly his.

To add insult to injury, when I put the DVD in my computer to get a few screen grabs for this posting, I was informed that due to some anti-piracy thingy, the movie would not play. Screw you, Molly Hartley!


A Haunting Video by X: Because I Do

Shot like a silent film, X's "Because I Do" is a moody, haunting video. The lyrics to the song talk about a woman who is disillusioned with married life, the video adds an even more malevolent theme...