FRESH SLABS OF MEAT: Hunky Victims (5)

Victim: Darry Jenner

Film: Jeepers Creepers

Hunk Factor: Nice hair, swimmers build, cute smile, has a good relationship with his older sister, good driver, strangely sexy little rose tattoo on his navel -- special bonus points for "whipping it out" to relieve himself during the infamous 'pee moment'.

Dispatched by: Freaky winged demon who skins him alive and takes his eyes.

Played by: Justin Long


He Was Legend

This weekend the fan-boys and girls will be flocking to their local cineplex to bask in the latest bastardization of a classic story; I Am Legend, re-imagined, and reworked for the MTV generation - complete with a tacked on happy ending (or so I hear).

If you've ever read Richard Matheson's chilling novella about a scientist who inexplicably survives a plague that leaves the rest of humanity either dead or turned into vampire-like creatures, you know what a powerful but ultimately, depressing tale Legend truly is.

The story was adapted twice before it's current incarnation as Will Smith's latest blockbuster - in 1971 it was presented as, The Omega Man ( a dreadful adaptation that stared Charlton Heston), and prior to that it was released as The Last Man on Earth in 1964 and stared the quintessential sci-fi/horror thespian of all time, Mr. Vincent Price.

Born into a wealthy family from St. Louis Missouri in 1911, Price began his acting career in the late 1930s and was celebrated for his rather urbane style. He made several films with screen beauty, Gene Tierney including the melodrama, Laura, and the forerunner to Fatal Attraction; Leave Her To Heaven.

But for most of us, Vincent Price will always be membered for his numerous roles in horror and science fiction. From The Fly to Dr. Phibes, Price seemed at home in morbid cinematic offerings, whether he was playing the villain or the victim.

So what are we doing celebrating Mr. Price on a "queer horror film blog"? Because, rumors concerning his sexuality were rampant thorough out his life. And though he married three times (not that means anything at all - Hello, Tom Cruise); there are stories that many in the business assumed he was gay.

Of course it might be all circumstantial; but what circumstances. For instance:

* Price's former gardener was none other than gay porn star, Fred Halstead.

* His third wife, Coral Brown, was said to have been an infamous 'fag hag', and was rumored to be a lesbian as well.

* Price's daughter, Victoria, (an out lesbian) has acknowledged that her father's sexuality was often discussed in Hollywood, though she indicates that she has never met anyone who could concretely answer the question concerning the subject.

* According to Victoria, when Price got older, a group of mostly gay men became his care-givers.

The world will probably never know the real story about this genteel person who collected art, was an accomplished cook (who published several cook books), and, from all accounts, a genuinely nice guy.

What we are left with is an impressive body of film work that ranges from the sublime to the ridiculous, several recordings (including voice overs for pop songs from both Alice Cooper and Michael Jackson) , and countless televison appearances.

The last time America saw Vincent Price on the silver screen was in Edward Scissorhands where he played the kindly old inventor who was about to give Edward a heart made from a cookie, but before he could do this, his character died. - An appropriate final act from a man who gave so much of his own heart.

Gay or straight, Vincent Price was one of a kind. He Was Legend.


Grande Dame Guignol: Hush, Hush, Sweet Charlotte

Names: Charlotte Hollis, Miriam Deering, Velma Cruther; owner of a Gothic plantation, next of kin, servant (respectively).

Location: Way down south in Dixie, actually Louisiana.

Modus Operandi (Charlotte): Seemingly deranged spinster, haunted by a beheaded beau, likes to point rifles at anyone who gets on her land, screams hysterically, seems to be pretty handy with an ax ... or is she? Definitely a good shot!

Modus Operandi (Miriam):
Seemingly caring and kind, gentle when needed and bitchy when it's called for, thinks nothing of smashing furniture over the head of the help and then kicking them down the steps, loves to conspire with others to drive her kin folks batty, bit of a slut, money hungry.

Modus Operandi (Velma): Prone to reading crime magazines, white trash and proud of it, smarter than just about anyone else, loves a nip of moonshine now and again.

Camp Factor:
Decaying antebellum mansion, three overacting divas, cheap plastic head that rolls down the steps, horrid southern accents, the title song -- and Mary Astor in her final role (as, Jewel Mayhew,) who can ask for anything else???

Played By: Bette Davis, Oliva de Havilland and Agnes Moorehead


Grande Dame Guignol: Die! Die! My Darling!

Name: Mrs. Trefoile

Location: A Gothic mansion in the British countryside.

Modus Operandi : Loves to quote bible passages, serves unsweetened oatmeal, chronic church goer, great slapper, likes knives, wears bright red lipstick during one of her many breakdowns, does not like mirrors, hates the young woman who might have been her daughter-in-law had her beloved son not died in a car accident, will lock you in the guest room.

Camp Factor: Tallulah as a crazed religious nut-job who croaks such fabulous lines as, Do not tax my patience, child ! (just before she bitch slaps Stephanie Powers) ... Donald Sutherland as a developmentally disabled servant... or my second favorite line, SCARLET AGAIN!?!?! (scream/croaked when she sees Powers in a red dress). And a special mention to the film's title; have you ever seen that many exclamation points in a movie's name?

Played by: Tallulah Bankhead.


Grande Dame Guignol : Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?

Name(s): Blanche and Baby Jane Hudson; AKA, The Hudson Sisters.

Location: Wilted and faded, somewhere in Hollywood.

Modus Operandi Jane: Prone to histrionics, kills with the blunt end of a hammer, serves rats and pet birds for lunch and dinner, dresses like a demented drag queen, lives in the past, still thinks she can make her way back into show biz, hates her sister, hates her next door neighbors, hates her maid, will sing "I've Written A Letter to Daddy" at the drop of a dime.

Modus Operandi Blanche: Whiny victim, prone to taking her sister on guilt trips, frumpy dresser, has a deep dark secret.

Camp Factor: Over the top, 10 out of 10!! Bette and Joan on the same set? Are you kidding? This is a horror queen's cinematic wet dream! But Ya' are in the chair, Blanche, ya are!

Played By: Bette Davis and Joan Crawford.


In Memoriam: Tom McBride (World AIDS Day Posting)

Tom McBride, played "Mark", the wheelchair bound camp counselor in Friday they 13th 2. Fans will recall how he was killed via a machete to the head, he and his wheelchair bouncing down the steps of his cabin during a lightning storm.

Sadly, in the real world, McBride actually met his end in September of 1995 due to AIDS complications. He was 43 years old.

After Friday the 13th 2, McBride appeared in several other films as well as television. He was also a "Marlboro Man" and appeared in cowboy drag on many billboards across the country.

Perhaps McBride's greatest role was as himself in the documentary, Life and Death on the A-List, where filmmaker,Jay Corcoran, follows McBride for about two years, slowly showing his degeneration from the disease that was killing him. This is a powerful and difficult film to watch, but something everyone should see.

Take a break from the trashy horror that we all love so much and take a look at something much more terrifying than anything an ax wielding, mask wearing maniac might cause and spare a thought for Tom and the millions of others who passed on from AIDS.