Billy Loves Stu

Horror Movie DILF : Paranormal Activity 3

2012-02-01T21:52:00.000-05:00

Name: Dennis (no last name given)

Occupation: Wedding Video Photographer.

Family: Julie, girlfriend. Katie and Kristi, surrogate daughters.

Location: Santa Rosa, California

Why is he a DILF? : Scruffy, sexy and sweet-natured, Dennis is the kind of guy who loves his girlfriend and is devoted to her two young daughters. In fact, he's the kind of guy who will even partake of a tea party with one of the moppets.

Granted, he may not be making a lot of money as a guy who videotapes weddings; he does spend a lot of time at home, and is always ready to lend a hand.

When things start going bump in the night, Dennis rigs his girlfriend's house will all kinds of video cameras (including one he attaches to an oscillating fan base) to see if he might be able to capture some evidence of what is happening.

That he nicely fills out a pair of jeans, is merely a plus.

Unfortunately, Dennis comes to an untimely end while trying to protect his girlfriend's kids when he runs afoul of some Satanic hijinks.

Played by: Chris Smith

Strigoi

2012-01-29T12:56:00.000-05:00

Tired of sparkling vampires? Bored with horny blood-suckers with Southern accents? Worn out by the over dressed undead who dwell in musty old castles?

If you answered "YES" to any of the above, then director, Faye Jackson's Strigoi is the movie for you!

Strigoi (the undead) is the story of a small village in Romania where the locals have decided to knock off a corrupt land owner and his wife. Unfortunately, the couple return as "Strigoi"...vampire-like beings who will, quite literally, eat you out of house and home if you let them. That is, they will raid your pantry, your stove, your bread box...and once they've devoured every scrap of food you might have, they will go for your blood.

Now I don't know anything about Romanian folk lore, but I like the idea of the corpse coming back for real food, and then going for blood once the cupboards are bare.

Be that as it may, once the fun starts, a young man named, Vlad (Catalin Paraschiv) returns to the village after a failed attempt at finding his fortunes in Italy. Almost immediately, Vlad discovers something is amiss...from shady land deals, to haphazard police work, to people dying without the proper authorities being notified. Vlad is a good guy, maybe a bit of a slacker as he is the only one of his brothers and sisters who has not become a doctor, but his heart is in the right place, and soon enough he finds himself becoming the story's hero.

Infused with wit, intelligence, skulduggery and even some social commentary, Strigoi is that rare animal; a horror film that requires the viewer to pay attention to both the action and dialouge. You will find very little blood letting here, and only a touch of gore. To truly appreciate Strigoi, one must put away one's expectations of the vampire genre and prepare for a new version of the myth infused with some brilliant twists and turns.

I'll Be Back

2012-01-22T15:08:00.002-05:00

To my constant readers...sorry for dropping the ball, I was a bit under the weather for most of December, and subsequently lost that blogging feeling. I will be back soon with more postings. Thanks to the folks who emailed me wondering where I was, it was much appreciated.

BLUE VELVET

2011-11-12T13:40:00.001-05:00

David Lynch's masterpiece, Blue Velvet has finally received the treatment it deserves re-released on blu-ray this week. Besides seeing this darkly gorgeous film in all of its newly restored glory, there are also a slew of extras as well as 50 minutes of cut footage...more on that later, for now, let's go back to Lumberton...

***

The sugary facade of American small town life takes it on the chin in Blue Velvet. Initially, the viewer is given scenes of sun dappled streets, crossing guards, fire trucks, white picket fences and stunningly gorgeous flowers; but eventually we witness a man, who earlier was watering his lawn, grasp at his neck as if something might have stung or bit him, and fall to the ground while the camera delves deep under the well manicured lawn, where he lay gasping for breath, to discover all manner of creepy crawling things going about their dirty business...that which lies beneath?

Soon we discover that the man's son Jeffery (Kyle MacLachlan) has returned from college to be with his family as his father recovers from his malady (possibly a stroke, though we never find out for sure). One morning as Jeff is walking back from the hospital, he stumbles across a human ear amongst some debris in an overgrown lot. Finding the ear, sets Jeff on a journey down a dark, mysterious, horrific path where (much like we saw earlier), all manner of creepy crawling things are going about their dirty business.

Darkness sets in at this point and most of the action in the film (with a few exceptions) takes place at night. Sometimes the evenings seem full of magic; as in the scene where Jeff meets Sandy (Laura Dern), who seems to walk out of the shadows like the ghost of Sandra Dee, all strawberry blond hair and pink frilly dress. -- indeed much of Lumberton seems locked in some kind of odd timewarp. Clearly it is the 80's, and yet, old television sets, hot rods and home interiors seem like left-overs from the Eisenhower era -- Other times, the evenings are filled with seedy bars, malevolent factories, and menacing characters. And only daylight seems to make these places and people fade away. Could it be that Lumberton itself is on some sort of twilight plane of existence; not present, not past, just somewhere in the middle sort of teetering back and forth in time?

Speaking of teetering back and forth, consider our hero, Jeff. He's handsome, obliging, square jawed, and seemingly all American. And yet, he's prone to voyeurism, and, when push comes to shove, he might even engage in a little sadistic sex play (if his partner really wants it). It seems that Blue Velvet is all about Jeff's inner battle with the dark and light. Of course, as much as he might find it seductive, Jeff discovers that the night's darkness will turn on you, and possibly even kill you, if you aren't careful. And that's where Sandy fits in.

Almost angelic in appearance, Sandy seems like she wandered out of a Disney film from the early 60's. Virginal and pure, she is a good girl with a strangely spiritual and prophetic side (her monologue about her dream and the robin's bringing back the light to the world is one of the most touching moments in the film) who seems to see that Jeff is basically being tested. When we see her in anguish much later in the film, we understand that things may have gotten worse then she ever expected when she cries out, "Where's my dream?" However, is Sandy's innocence and purity as strong as the dark powerful tragedy that engulfs Dorothy Vallens?

Billed as "The Blue Lady" at a local nightclub, Dorothy Vallens (Isabella Rossellini) is a victimized woman whose life has been shattered. Her husband and young son are being held captive by a psychopath, and in turn she's become the sex slave of said psychopath. Stressed beyond belief, and streched to her limits, Dorothy has begun to embrace the darkness that has engulfed her and in turn draws others in. She finds Jeff hiding in her closet, threatens to kill him, and, later on, sleeps with him and then orders him to hit her - it's as if she feels that she deserves to be punished for everything that has happened to her - or has she become a masochist? One wonders what path Dorothy would have followed were it not for Frank Booth.

Manically dangerous, Frank Booth (Dennis Hopper) is the crime king-pin in Lumberton. Sadistic, psychopathic and addicted to amyl nitrate, Frank is the bringer of darkness, the ultimate creepy crawling thing who has made Dorothy's life a living hell, and in turn, dragged others in to the abyss. We first see Frank through Jeff's eyes as we watch along seeing him degrade, abuse, and finally rape Dorothy on the floor of her apartment. Later on, he kidnaps Jeff, torments him, mocks him, and beats the tar out of him leaving him for dead on the side of the road and in doing so, teaches him all about the reality of the darkness.

Now It's Dark: There is much in the way of brutality seen throughout Blue Velvet. Dorothy's rape, Jeff's beating at the hand's of Frank, the dead bodies on display in Dorothy's apartment near the end of the film, and just the crude way Frank address everyone (especially Dorothy who he refers to at one point as "tits") . But nothing is as brutal, or as gut wrenching as the moment when Dorothy shows up nude, bruised and raving on Jeff's front lawn. That scene alone is probably one of the most difficult things to watch in the film, and it strips bare the reality of what is going on, the truth that Dorothy has been living with, and the truth of how demonic Frank really is. This is the moment when Frank goes from being a crazy bad guy, to something worse - something almost inhuman.

For all of it's darkness and violence, Blue Velvet also has some farcical moments. Women who look like they stumbled out of a John Water's film play frowsy prostitutes, Jeff's eccentric aunt Barbara (Frances Bay) delivers some much needed comic relief, even Frank has his moment of levity when he asks Jeff what kind of beer he likes. Jeff tells him, Heineken, and Frank roars, "Heineken? Fuck that foreign shit! Pabst Blue Ribbon is what you'll drink tonight!", and of course there is "The Chicken Walk"...you'll know it when you see it.

In the end, Blue Velvet remains a modern film-noir classic. The simple story about a good kid who stumbles upon a bad thing and sort of finds himself in a fractured Hardy Boys adventure. But it's also a love story - Jeffery and Sandy's love story - as well as Frank's love for a woman that he can only get through kidnapping and enslavement. And there is also the not so simplistic story about the corruption that lies beneath life, the loss of innocence, and the battle between good and evil (and the constant human struggle of trying to understand that battle).

***

Now, about those special features. Well, first things first. This blu ray looks stunning. Plain and simple, you will not believe how gorgeous this movie looks now.

A lot has been made about the missing footage that was included. All I have to say about that is, well, there was a reason it was not included in the first place. Sure it's kind of fun seeing a young Megan Mullally, playing Jeff's college girl friend, and it was also kind of interesting to see the dynamics between Jeff and his mother when he first comes home; but most of the extra scenes are pretty long and would have just bogged the final film down. I think it's a good thing that they were cut.

A decent documentary is included and Isabella Rossellini has some great stories to tell about working with Dennis Hopper.

yes that's Megan Mullally - the future Karen Walker.

Trick or Trick : HORROR PORN RETURNS YET AGAIN!

2011-10-31T08:41:00.001-04:00

Happy Halloween, gang. It's time to check out the latest collection of buff boys and buxom gals in this collection of blatantly tacky, scary skin epics ... so without further ado, time to break out the remote control and a box of Kleenex as Horror Porn Returns Yet Again:

Bloody hunks and sexy zombies seeking firm flesh abound in Boys Night Out.

Taking a cue from The Queen of the Damned, Wicked Pictures presents Curse Eternal which promises that, "the dead will rise" (see what they did there, aint that clever?)

Yes, yes it's called Queer of the Damned...because they are ... queer and ... uh...they are damned...funny, they look pretty happy all things considered.

Kudos to the producers for really putting some thought into the box cover of A Wet Dream on Elm Street...are those vibrators on Freddy's glove? Brilliant!

They're here, they're queer, and chances are they suck more than just blood!

So I had to look at this cover several times until I I caught the gag. That said, great cover - but why not a tad more thought in the title?

Nekid nasty boys are being spied on, or something like that in the epic, When A Stranger Cums.

Honestly, if I did not know better, I'd have thought this was an ad for a film on The Lifetime Network.

And last but not least, Dante promises us a hell many of us would probably not mind.

and the Infinite Sadness : MELANCHOLIA

2011-10-29T12:37:00.001-04:00

Melancholia is probably one of the most gorgeously rendered movies since Kubrick's 2001: A Space Odyssey - indeed, the film's prologue of slow motion scenes and invasive heavenly bodies scored to Richard Wagner's Tristan und Isolde will bring to mind the imagery and beauty of Kubrick's masterpiece. All in all, the ghost of the late director seems to hang heavy over Lars von Trier's latest film.

Breathtaking, heartbreaking, and sometimes terribly mundane, Melancholia is a rarity. On the surface it's the tale of two sisters coping with varying degrees of depression during an upcoming event that might herald the end of the world. Justine (Kirsten Dunst) is a newlywed suffering from more than a case of cold feet, while Clarie (Charlotte Gainsbourg) is on edge due to caring for her frail sibling as well as the worry brought on by an approaching planet that may very well be on a collision course with Earth. On the other, it's a deep meditation on existential angst, paranoia, the meaninglessness of life, and fear of the unknown.

The film opens as Justine and her new husband Michael (Alexander Skarsgård) are made late to their wedding reception because their chauffeur can not maneuver the gargantuan limousine he's driving up the winding, gravel road to the couple's reception that is being held at Justine's sister and her husband's palatial estate. This scene is probably one of the only charming and light-hearted moments in the film. Once the duo make it to the elaborate reception, and meet the odd-ball family members (of particular note is Charlotte Rampling who plays Justine's shrew of a mother), we spend the next hour watching the bride go from blushing to morose and soon realize that she has some kind of major mental health issues.

The second part of the film concentrates more on the impending event as we discover that Claire's husband (Kiefer Sutherland) is something of an astronomy buff who is constantly trying to reassure his wife that there is nothing to be worried about.

Frankly, to sit back and try to explain any more of this exceptional piece of art, would be a fool's game, Melancholia must be experienced to be appreciated. That said, this is not the kind of film one can watch with distractions, it is slow and deliberate and was made for an audience who want more than cheap thrills and CGI. If that sounds like you, give yourself over to Melancholia, in spite of everything, I think you will be glad that you did.

Back by Popular Demand: THE TRUTH ABOUT CANDY CORN!

2011-10-27T16:29:00.000-04:00

Halloween is almost here, and while that means all your fave horror bloggers will be falling all over themselves cooking up posts about favorite monsters, movies, screams and scares, I'd like to ring in the season by paying homage to that confectionery delight that is highlighted this time of the year: Candy Corn...read on and learn.

Anyone who does not like candy corn, can not be trusted! -- Pax Romano

While some sources claim that candy corn was invented by George Renninger sometime in the 1800's; the true aficionado of this confectionery delicacy understands that it has been around since the dawn of time. Even the bible makes mention of it:

From the book of Genesis 002:666 -- And God said, "Let us now make the most fabulous foodstuff , and let us make it in shades of white and orange and yellow, and let us fill it with such sugary goodness it will make men's eyes roll back in their heads, and let us call it Candy Corn". And god made the candy corn, and saw that it was good.

Most of you know the important role that Candy Corn has played in history; the ancient Aztecs used it to trade for goods... the Greeks built several temples out of candy corn... the Romans paid their most prized servants with it who in turn used it to buy their freedom ... the Great Candy Corn Crusade was of course one of the most brutal battles of the middle ages ...and, of course, every school child remembers the story of the Cleveland Candy Corn Party.

During World War II, Candy Corn was in such demand by our troops in The Pacific, special operatives delivered the goodie in dangerous midnight runs -- maybe you read the book about these brave men, The Corn Runners, that was made into an Oscar winning film that starred Clark Gable and Betty Grable.

To truly understand what makes the tri-colored taste treat so special, one only need know the secret ingredients: see chart below

Fun Candy Corn Facts:

* Recently, the USDA has added Candy Corn to its food pyramid.

* Studies have shown that children who get at least three, six ounce, servings of Candy Corn daily, grow up to be well-adjusted, and do better in school than children who abstain from Candy Corn.

* Albert Einstein ate six bags of Candy Corn every day of his life!

* One kernel of Candy Corn has as much protein as a 15 ounce steak!

* During the month of October, some Catholic Churches replace the Communion bread with a special Host shaped piece of Candy Corn.

Finally, if you want to drink your daily dose of Candy Corn: try a Candy Corn Margarita!

Trouble in Mind : RESURRECT DEAD

2011-10-23T11:52:00.000-04:00

Amusing, engrossing, and authentic, Jon Foy's Resurrect Dead is a documentary film that follows three intrepid fellows who try to track down the person (or persons) behind the infestation of hundreds of tiles embedded in the streets of a dozen American cities (as well as a handful in South America). Said tiles contain an obtuse message that references Stanly Kubrick's 2001 A Space Odyssey as well as a peculiar theory of how to raise the dead from British Historian, Arnold Toynbee. Most of the tiles read:

" Toynbee Idea

In Movie 2001

Resurrect Dead

On Planet Jupiter"

Lead by the charismatic, if somewhat eccentric, Justin Duerr, our makeshift Hardy Boys (Duerr, Colin Smith and Steve Weinik) scour the internet to come up with something - anything - that might help them discover the identity of the Tile Master. One of the more disturbing pieces they come up with is a unique tile which refrains from the usual Toynbee message and instead reads like some sort of bizarre manifesto. Indeed, the rantings reveal someone who might not only be suffering from paranoid delusions, but is also an Anti-Semite. Be that as it may, eventually several names come up as well as an address that leads the trio to a row-home in South Philadelphia where the investigators engage several of the colorful locals as to the whereabouts and comings and goings of one particularly odd neighbor.

Eventually, the guys come across several other fascinating leads including a brief mention in Clark DeLeon's column in The Philadelphia Inquirer as to who the Tile Master may be; a local who insists that his television once broadcast strange messages about the Toynbee theory; a one act play by David Mamet called Four A.M. (that may have been inspired by an actual phone call that the Tile Master made to a radio talk show) ; and a possible theory as to how this guy manages to implant tiles onto busy streets (include one right outside the Holland Tunnel in New York City), with out being seen.

Ultimately, Resurrect the Dead is a story about the obsession with ideas that not only possess the troubled mind of one lonely man in South Philadelphia, but also how that obsession can transfer itself to those who want to know more about the man and what drove him to that obsession in the first place.

In Honor Of What Would Have Been His 66th Birthday, Here's a Divine Flashback!

2011-10-19T17:04:00.001-04:00

Grande Dame Guignol: The Grandest Dame of Them All (originally posted 4/10/2010)

While younger generations may only be vaguely aware of Divine as the original Edna Turnblad, the 60's hausfrau whose full figure daughter finds fame and social awareness thanks to a dance show in John Water's Hairspray (a role later bastardized by John Travolta in the musical version), many of us recall Divine's less family-friendly roles where she usually played unstable, homicidal, maniacal mother figures; the kind of woman who would stop at nothing to keep her twisted world in tact.

1970's Multiple Maniacs finds Lady Divine, the ring leader of a traveling group of freaks who bring their "cavalcade of perversion sideshow" to the suburbs so that the well scrubbed can stare at homosexuals, drug addicts, foot fetishists and various other odd balls in a circus tent. However, once the show is over, many of the audience members are kidnapped, robbed and murdered by Lady Divine's troupe. What's even more disturbing is that Lady Divine and her gang have been taking credit for a series of murders that occurred a few years earlier in Los Angeles (That would be the Manson murders). Once the word gets out that Lady Divine and crew were not the people who killed Sharon Tate and company, she begins a slow decent into madness that includes (among other things), getting a "Rosary job" in a Catholic Church on Good Friday (you just have to take my word, that this is one of the most appalling things ever put on film). Later on, a crazed and delusional Lady Divine finds herself being raped by a giant lobster...

...now, totally off her nut, our heroine is roaming the streets of Baltimore, foaming at the mouth, carrying an axe and threatening the public until she is set up on by an angry mob...

and gunned down by the National Guard (while Kate Smith warbles God Bless America on the soundtrack).

Several years later, John Water's brought back his leading lady in another epic, Pink Flamingos. Here we find Divine playing Babs Johnson, a hefty beauty living a happy existence in a dilapidated trailer house somewhere in the woods of Maryland. Babs lives with her mentally ill - egg-craving- mother (the inimitable Edith Massey), her psychotic son, Crackers (Danny Mills) and her blond bombshell "traveling companion", Cotton (Mary Vivian Pierce). Pleased that she and her clan are known as "The Filthiest People Alive", Babs spends her time shoplifting steaks and hiding them in her panties, taking dumps on people's lawns, and faking out hitchhikers (slowing down as if she were going to give them a lift, and then leaving them in the dust once they approach the car door). And then, one day, word gets out about a couple named Connie and Raymond Marble (Mink Stole and David Lochary); who kidnap women, chain them up in their basement, have their servant impregnate them, and then sell the babies to lesbian couples. Babs is outraged that anyone might steal her title and war is declared!

Of course, there is still time for fun - so when Bab's celebrates her birthday and receives a bottle of RID, and a pig's head, and listens to a "singing asshole" (trust me, you don't want to know) it's all fun and games ... until the Marbles call the police who raid the party - but Bab's and her guests overpower the cops...

...tear them limb from limb, and eat them! Now it's on, and Babs will stop at nothing to bring down the marbles. At one point, she breaks into their home, and she and her son start licking the house from top to bottom so that the Marble's home might "reject" them...

...this scene ends with Babs bestowing upon her son "the greatest gift a mother can give"; yup, she sucks him off - do you think I am making this up? Be that as it may, Babs and her family set the women in the basement free, kidnap the Marbles and execute them before the press and then decide to beat a hasty retreat to Boise Idaho...However, while on their way to the bus station, Babs spies a dog doing it's thing on the sidewalk, and since she's craving a snack she, well, she helps herself to a taste of what fido has left behind.

Finally, if there were any justice in the world, Divine would have won an Oscar for her role as Dawn Davenport in 1974's Female Trouble. The tragic and violent tale of a woman who goes from teenage hell-raiser to a deluded mass murder craving fame at any price, is probably Divine's finest performance. After she runs away from home on Christmas morning (after knocking her mother out and tossing the Xmas tree on top of her) Dawn meets up with Earl Peterson (also played by Divine), a nasty brute in soiled underwear, who takes her to a dump, screws her, and leaves her pregnant and broke...

...after her baby is born (whom she dub's "Taffy") Dawn finds that she needs to earn money as she is now a single mother. She works as a waitress and an exotic dancer for awhile, but finds that there is much more money to be made as cat burglar - so along with her pals, Chicklet and Concetta, (Cookie Muller and Susan Walsh), the threesome mug bums in the alley, and steal television sets to make ends meet.

Still, it's tough being a loving mother, so one day, after little Taffy has worked Dawn's last nerve, she ties the moppet to her bed (after beating her with a car antenna) , and upon the advice of her friends goes to get her hair done at The Lipstick Beauty Salon - once there, Dawn meets, and instantly falls in love with the only heterosexual hairdresser employed there, Gator (Michael Potter) - the two have a whirlwind romance, and marry much to the chagrin of Gator's aunt Ida (Edith Massey) who would be much happier if her nephew "was a queer". Unfortunately, the marriage falls apart and Dawn and Gator divorce and somehow Dawn finds herself a pawn in the plans of the owners of the beauty salon, Donald and Donna Dasher (David Lochary and Mary Vivian Pierce) . This oddball duo worm their way into Dawn's life and on one fateful evening they witness her smash a chair over her now adult daughter's head (Taffy now played by Mink Stole)...

...the Dasher's photograph this event and then later, when Aunt Ida shows up and throws battery acid in Dawn's face, they photograph that event as well...

...the Dashers convince Dawn that her disfigurement has made her more beautiful, and they want to photograph her new face while committing crimes ("crime is beauty" they claim). Furthermore the Dasher's start a new beauty regiment with Dawn; liquid eyeliner, that they show Dawn how to mainline. By now, whatever grasp on sanity she might have once had is out the window, and Dawn is stark raving mad - sure that she is the most gorgeous woman in the world!

When she gets home from the hospital, Dawn finds hat the Dasher's have imprisoned Ida in a bird cage at her house and talk her into chopping off the woman's hand. Again, she is photographed while doing the deed...this only makes Dawn even more crazed, and between her addiction to liquid eyeliner, and her love of notoriety there is no turning back.

Finally, on the night of Dawn's big one woman show, she strangles her daughter (who has now become a Hare Krishna devote) and then proceeds to the stage doing trampoline jumps, and claiming that she "blew Richard Speck"...

...now totally, out of her mind, Dawn pulls out a pistol and screams, "Who want's to die for art?" and begins shooting into the crowd who have come to see her. Panic ensues and the police are called - Dawn goes on the lam but is eventually caught and brought to court...

...where she discovers that the Dasher's have used the photographs as evidence of her crimes and turned against her. Still, in her scrambled mind, she thinks that she is the top fashion model of the world, and when she is found guilty and given the electric chair, to her, it's the equivalent of an Academy Award...

...her final words :

I'd like to thank all the wonderful people...that made this great moment in my life come true. My daughter Taffy, who died..in order to further my career My friends Chicklette and Concetta..who should be here with me today. All the fans who died so fashionably...and gallantly at my nightclub act. And especially all those wonderful people...who were kind enough...to read about me in the newspapers...and watch me on the television news shows. Without all of you...my career could never have gotten this far. It was you that I burn for...and it is you that I will die for. Please remember...I love every fucking one of you.

Divine, of course, was a persona created and owned by the late, great Harris Glenn Milstead.

Horror Porn Comes to Haddonfield!

2011-10-18T19:33:00.001-04:00

A while back, I posted on the Halloween XXX rated parody that the fine folks at Smash Pictures were putting together, I posted some stills from the film, and remarked on how incredibly good the locations and sets seemed to look. Well, hold onto your Kleenex and baby oil, wankers, becuase the preview is up and, boy howdy, all things considered, it looks like they did a damn good job! You'll notice lines of dialouge lifted directly from the original film, and even some stunningly familiar looking exterior shots (check out that hedge!). Granted, Michael seems a tad skinny, and his mask appears a bit large for his head, but what the heck, any skin flick that takes this much time paying homage to its source material can't be all bad!

Hope for the Zombie Genre

2011-10-16T14:13:00.000-04:00

Constant readers of this blog know of my love/hate relationship with all things zombie. There was a time when I found the reanimated, flesh eating corpse one of the most terrifying things in the horror genre. And of course, George Romero deserves unending accolades for dreaming up the modern day zombie and setting it free to haunt our nightmares.

Unfortunately, these days, zombies are everywhere. You've got your zombie walks, your zombie runs, your zombie cartoons, your zombie plush dolls, your zombie ice cream and, yes, even your zombie porn; and as such, a once blood curdling fantastic creature is now about as scary as a Smurf. I half expect a Disney animated musical about zombies to show up one of these days.

That's why I am always surprised when I come across any zombie-themed work these days that is actually worth my time. Happily, there are some works out there using the tired old shambler and infusing it with such spark and panache, one finds themselves understanding that all may not be lost when it comes to this genre. For instance:

Tonight the AMC network begins season II of The Walking Dead, and if it's anywhere as good as last year's season, I think we are all in for a fun ride. I was constantly impressed with the style of this series - great acting, believable characters, and, most importantly, terrifying zombies. Of course like any good zombie tale, The Walking Dead gives us survivors that we can relate to; people who are not survivalist soldiers, but average Jane and John Doe-types driven to extraordinary measures to make it through the day (and night).

Colson Whitehead's Zone One is a witty, fatalistic novel concerning a post-zombie-Armageddon New York City where groups of clean-up crews sweep through the streets and office buildings eradicating the stray living dead in preparation for resettlement. Presented in a non-linear style, Zone One is a narrative that uses its theme as an allegory for life in post 9/11 America. Whitehead is a writer a million miles ahead of the pack, and that he decided to produce a novel like this one begs the question, "Why bother?" The answer is found within the pages. The hero known as "Mark Spitz" (it's an inside joke), seems coolly detached from the proceedings, even when he describes the events of his own personal, "Last Night" (the term used to describe the night the dead came back and everything went to hell). Everyone has a "Last Night" story - where were you when the lights went out? - where were you when the planes hit the World Trade Center? - where were you when your neighbors started eating each other? - and soon those sad stores all seem to blend together.

Despite it's rather lofty goals, Zone One also satisfies in terms of terror. The scene in the book describing the fall of Broadway alone is one of the most sensational and breath taking descriptions of a nightmarish zombie infestation one might have ever read.

Do yourself a favor, read this book.

Kelly Jameson's Z=mc2: Time-Travelin' Zombies vs. the Garden State is an over-the-top, science fiction/horror, political satire novel that starts at a break neck speed, and just gets faster until it threatens to shatter the speed of light. Set in the not so distant future (a future that amongst other things, features Sarah Palin as the President of these United States) , Z=mc2... tells the story of what happens when a dumpster behind a restaurant in the Pine Barrens of Southern New Jersey serves as a portal that allows time traveling, genetically mutated zombies to find there way to the Garden State to pick up some good eats.

Set in and around "The Pines", this novel is a kitchen-sink-stew of absurdity, laughs, gross outs, existential rants, and brilliant prose. It's obvious that Jameson is using her story to satirize America (and South Jersey in particular), my only fear is that much of it might go over the casual reader's head (god knows, I had to go back re-read every few pages).

Any book that includes the zombie of Albert Eisenstein, chainsaw wielding bikini clad gals, and an institutionalized man who quotes lines from Ed Wood's films, as well as a portly attorney who goes by the name of Hilarius Fuchs (say that out loud) stands the chance of possibly becoming so character driven the reader may get a tad confused as to who's who and what's what. And yet, despite the (seemingly) hundreds of characters populating Z=mc2..., Jameson never looses sight of the zombies. Her monsters are brain eaters like we saw in Return of the Living Dead, and they are most certainly a force to be reckoned with.

Bottom line, if you want a change of pace in your zombie-lit experience, this is the book for you. Also, I can't help but love the fact that all of the action is taking place in my back yard (full disclosure, I live just on the border of the infamous New Jersey Pine Barrens).

Dark Shadows for the A.D.D. Generation : AMERICAN HORROR STORY

2011-10-08T20:06:00.000-04:00

From the fine folks who brought us Nip/Tuck and Glee, comes American Horror Story a sort of Dark Shadows for the A.D.D. generation.

After a miscarriage and an extramarital affair shakes the foundation of their once stable marriage, Dr. and Mrs. Harmon (and their angst riddled teen daughter) flee Boston for L.A. and take possession of a gorgeous Victorian home on the outskirts of the city.

Of course everyone knows that gorgeous Victorian homes that sell at rock bottom prices (even in today's shattered economy) often come complete with supernatural shenanigans; the Harmon home is no exception to this rule. Almost before the realtor hangs up the sold sign, it's obvious that mayhem is afoot in the roomy dream home - in fact before the opening credits we discover that two little boys broke into the house in 1978 and were killed by someone (or something...more than likely, something) in the basement. And when the realtor explains that the former occupants (a gay couple) died in the house due to a murder / suicide ... well that's the point when you say to yourself, "shit I'd never purchase a property where something like that went down!"; of course you wouldn't , but this isn't about you, sunshine, is it?

Once the family is settled in things start going goofy...in fact so much happens, it's dizzying:

A young lady with Down Syndrome shows up in the kitchen with all kinds of dire warnings.
The young lady's mother, a failed movie actress (played with aplomb by Jessica Lange) also shows up and steals some silverware.
A satanic mural is discovered under the wallpaper in the living room.
A leather fetishist cat suit is found hanging in the attic.
Mr. Harmon (Dylan McDermott) walks around naked a lot in the middle of the night.
A middle-aged woman shows up claiming to be the housekeeper (Frances Conroy). Oddly enough when Dr. Harmon sees her, she appears as a young hot-to-trot ( Alex Breckenridge) who seems hell bent on doing the nasty with the good doctor.
A ghostly daemon with a nasty set of choppers and some seriously long fingernails apparently attacks someone in the basement.
Someone or something (again, more than likely something) dons the aforementioned catsuit and has sex with Dr. Harmon's wife.
A disfigured man chases Dr. Harmon down and tells him how he once lived in the same house, and how he set his wife and kids on fire because "the voices" told him to do so.

Clearly the creative team on this one understand that today's audience does not want subtlety, nor do they want a single shot held for longer than a millisecond - hence, American Horror Story is filled with jump cuts, herky jerky camera movements, and is edited like an episode of ...well, Nip/Tuck or Glee.

And yet, in spite of all of this foolishness, American Horror Story's pilot episode kept me riveted. The whole thing was done with such whiplash intensity, I felt like I was on some kind of fun house ride after dropping a hit of acid. However, I can't help but wonder, will it be able to keep up the pace? It seems odd that they'd throw so much at the viewer in the first hour...what can they possibly do to top this next week? I think we are going to see something that's akin to Dark Shadows; a trashy soap opera that not only features a big spooky house, but eventually we'll see vampires, monsters, ghosts, and time travel!

Another thing I noticed, and maybe it's just me, but most of the characters in L.A. seem like they might have walked in from different eras of horror/thriller films: The Maid (in her elder state) is something out of The Cat and the Canary, The loopy/sexy neighbor (Lange) seems to have walked out of one of those "Grande Dame Guignol" flicks from the early 60's, the deformed man brought echos of both The Shining and Burnt Offerings, the beastie in the basement conjured up thoughts of a half a dozen other films. Also, the homages to other movies throughout this first episode are already legendary. Scenes conjure up memories of Halloween, The Exorcist and even, Rosemary's Baby. That said, could the makers of this program be setting us up for some kind of mind fuckery where every Hollywood Horror Theme is included? It's not that far fetched. Why set it in Los Angeles then? why call it American Horror Story then?

Whatever the case, whatever is up the sleeves of those involved, I'll be back next week to see what kind of deviltry is going on...and hoping that Jessica Lange is given even more scenery to chew up.

CHILLERAMA

2011-10-02T18:41:00.001-04:00

Billed as "The Ultimate Midnight Movie", Chillerama is a sophomoric, stupid, sleazy, stunningly bad movie that somehow manages to be endearing and charming. Imagine a 13 year old kid telling fart and dick jokes, but doing it with such enthusiasm and chutzpah he actually makes you laugh...yeah, it's kind of like that.

Clearly the bastard-cinematic-love-child of John Waters, Herschell Gordon Lewis and Roger Corman, Chillerama smacks you in the face, makes you grimace, makes you laugh, makes you sick to your stomach, and then reminds you how much fun bad movies can really be.

Directors, Adam Rifkin, Tim Sullivan, Adam Green and Joe Lynch have gleefully served up a smorgasbord of gory goofiness by setting their story at a drive-in theater's final night where several films from the private collection of the doomed drive in's owner are to be featured. Unbeknownst to the theater's management and patrons, a zombie plague is slowly spreading via some tainted popcorn. But don't worry, that subplot will be resolved by film's end.

The movies being shown are homages/bastardizations of classic horror films from years past. Wadzilla tells the tale of a monolithic sperm attacking Manhattan ; I Was a Teenage Werebear is a gay themed rip on beach party / teen monster flicks (with a not so subtle nod to Twilight) complete with musical numbers; The Diary of Anne Frankenstein (which is probably Chillerama's best skit) is a hybrid of two classic films -that it is told entirely in German with subtitles, and that the actor playing Adolph Hitler (Joel Moore) speaks gibberish with a Germanic accent adds just the right touch of surreality to the proceedings. Finally, Zom-B-Movie turns out to the be the thread that is tying this whole thing together...but sit tight, becuase...well, you'll see why.

Peppered with cameos throughout (Lin Shaye, Eric Roberts and Kane Hodder, to name a few), Chillerama's repulsive oeuvre are all technically witty (Wadzilla is shot in over-saturated colors like a late 60's low budget film might have been; I Was a Teenage Werebear has a crisp, sunny look to it reminiscent of the Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello beach movies; The Diary of Anne Frankenstein is not only shot in black and white it actually sounds like a film from the 1930's - you'll have to trust me on this one, whoever did the sound mixing on that one was a genius) and decidely high camp. If you're looking for serious scares, look elsewhere.

Finally then, Chillerama is sure to offend many: Bare breasts abound, dick shots appear, body parts are lopped off, zombies fuck people to death, gallons of semen drench people...and did I mention the mini movie that (thankfully) we only get a brief glimpse of, the one called Deathacation ? Probably not, as that brief, but unforgettable section, made me wretch (you'll see why). The thing to surviving a viewing of this obscene epic is a sense of humor and (possibly) a barf bag...also it couldn't hurt to be drunk as well.

Worst Gay Themed Horror Film Ever : VAMPIRE BOYS

2011-09-25T12:53:00.000-04:00

Director, Charlie Vaughn's Vampire Boys is possibly the worst movie you might ever see.

I mean that.

The acting is flat, and the story is laughable (cute twink comes to L.A. and is stalked by a 100 year old vampire king and his posse -- who all seem to own stock in Soloflex). These vampires can, and do, walk in the sun and all look like rejects from a washed up boy band.

Pecs by Soloflex, Specs by Ray-Ban, Ironic crucifixes by chance

Some stuff happens, a lot of stuff is inferred, the vampire king and twink kiss...then I dozed off.

Honestly, this piece of sun-dappled garbage makes David DeCoteau's work look like genius in comparison.

The only saving grace is that one vampire guy is pretty hot...the tall chrome dome one...

check out that rack!

...yeah, I liked that dude, Jess Allen, I look forward to seeing his talents eventually exposed via a lifetime exclusive contract at Falcon Studios.

If you really need to see this piece of tripe, you can check it out on Netflix streaming.

vampires just want to have sun...err..fun

The Graduate : THE CEREMONY

2011-09-20T19:06:00.000-04:00

James Palmer's little mind-fuck of a film, 2008's The Ceremony is a darkly delightful Satanic story set in a spacious rented duplex occupied by several college students.

Shortly after graduation, most of the roomies are out celebrating the results of their successful paper chase - except one - Eric: the doe eyed, good guy (Scott Seegmiller) who is home alone packing up and preparing for a job overseas. Stumbling upon a book surrounded by four lit candles in the bedroom of one of his housemates, Eric sets in motion a supernatural chain of events that build slowly (very, very slowly) over the afternoon and evening culminating in a decision on his part that might be his only chance for redemption.

The Ceremony is clearly a low budget venture, and that's what makes it so remarkable. With no real special effects, no big name actors (in fact, for most of the film, Seegmiller is the only actor seen ), and no blood or gore, Palmer crafts the kind of film that, bit by bit, creeps up on the viewer until he or she finds themselves jumping out of their skin and rooting for the hapless graduate.

The trick to enjoying this one is to be very patient. The first half hour of the film, is filled with scenes of the main character making calls, washing dishes, typing emails, and doing laundry in the sparsely decorated, sun splashed house. Frankly, it was something of a chore making it through the first act - but it was well worth it.

In the end, I could not help but notice how The Ceremony was so much like one of those ABC Movie of the Week horror films - the ones that depended on acting and music to set the mood as opposed to bombast and editing. Even the film's denouement is reminiscent of those made-for-TV epics - who doesn't love a twist ending?

You can catch The Ceremony on Netfilix streaming.

A Killer View : DREAM HOME

2011-09-11T11:07:00.000-04:00

Imagine someone made an over-the-top slasher film filled with more gore than Herschell Gordon Lewis ever dreamed of. Now, imagine that same film included great acting, a satirical look at class struggles, and a serious bit of commentary concerning the world wide economic crisis.

That tall order has been filled by Director Ho-Cheung Pang with his masterpiece, Dream Home (Wai dor lei ah yut ho).

Set in Hong Kong, Dream Home tells the tale of a young woman (the gorgeous and charismatic, Josie Ho) who grew up in a crowded, high rise flat in a lower middle class neighborhood, and now wants nothing more than a spacious apartment in a new building with a view of the sea.   Through a lot of hard work (and one cold blooded decision on her part), she finally gets the money needed to put a bid on the place. However, due to a fluctuating stock market, the current owners turn her down unless she can meet the new higher price they want. Devastated over this turn of events, the woman hatches a blood soaked plot to win back her deluxe apartment in the sky.

Told through a series of flashbacks, Dream Home presents modern day Hong Kong as a claustrophobic world where people work, live, eat, travel, and fuck in extremely close proximity to each other. Indeed, private space seems to be at a minimum, so it makes sense that an apartment with a huge layout and breathing room would seem to be the ultimate goal of many. Furthermore we are shown how the real estate market that boomed once Hong Kong was handed back over to China in 1997 effectively displaced thousands from their homes as developers moved in and demolished existing structures to put up high cost / high rise buildings .

Be that as it may, our heroine keeps her eye on the prize and channels her inner sociopath, breaking into the neighboring apartments of the one she covets, and knocking off the owners (figuring that a series of murders nearby would devalue the apartment's worth) . Make no mistake, the killings in this movie are bloody disgusting; decapitations, castrations, disembowelment's and, most troubling, a pregnant woman suffocated by one of those clothing storage bags with a vacuum cleaner attached to it.   Honestly, there is some real stomach turning stuff going on here.

Despite the gore (and baby, this one is a gore-fest), the actions of the heroine make sense (in a sick way); in a world that covets money and prestige, it seems that sometimes, a girl has no choice but to get her inner-Jason Voorhees on and get all slasher on innocent people's asses.

Dream Home may be set in the Far East, but the world it presents is the one we live in now. Consider the outrageous amounts people pay for apartments the size of a postage stamp in Manhattan, or other large cities...I mean only a deranged maniac would pay a million bucks per square foot, right?   And that's the thing, in a post Patrick Bateman world seemingly normal folks might stop at nothing to get what they think they deserve. Greed may have brought them to this point, but cold blooded sociopathic behavior will help them survive it.   And that's a lesson you'll never learn on HGTV.

The Devil's Work : RED STATE

2011-09-01T21:35:00.001-04:00

Several years ago, I heard a radio interview with Shirley Roper-Phelps, the daughter of the infamous Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church (you know, those crazy bastards that protest the funerals of gay men and soldiers). Initially, I tuned in thinking I'd get a good laugh listening to this hillbilly spawn of a fire and brimstone charlatan. I was not prepared for the fact that Roper-Phelps is an attorney, extremely well spoken, and very well versed in the bible as well as the law. I also was not prepared for the sick feeling I got in the pit of my gut as I listened to her conversation go from civil, to over-the-top -old testament-hatred that spewed like black bile from her. What was even more disconcerting was that Phelps spoke so passionately about her beliefs that she left me feeling queasy and in need of a dose of some sunshine and, maybe, a long shower to wash her hateful vibe off of me.

That's kind of the same way I felt after watching Kevin Smith's, Red State.

Smith has always been something of a curio. On the one hand, he's capable of some truly thought provoking issues in his work (see Dogma and Chasing Amy for proof), but more often than not, he seems to cave to the fan boy base that worships at his throne and litters even his best work with scatological humor, tit jokes, and man / boys who can't or won't grow up. With Red State, Smith has thrown out most of his crutches and crafted one of the most intelligent, and disturbing films I've seen in a long time.

What starts like a run of the mill horror film (three horny teens in search of sex find themselves in the middle of nowhere and are kidnapped) morphs into a story about the evils of small minded people and their religious beliefs as well as big government and its blood thirsty, vengeance seeking, cold heart.

Echoing everything from the Ruby Ridge confrontation, to the aforementioned Westboro Baptist church, to the paranoia spawned in the nation since 9/11, Red State assaults the viewer like nothing he or she has ever seen before. Make no mistake, this is a horror movie, but it's about realistic horror borne of homophobia, religious zeal and governmental heavy-handedness.

Michael Parks gives an Oscar worthy performance as Abin Cooper, the head of the Five Points Church where the deed goes down. Parks plays his villain with such charisma and charm it is uncanny. If this guy does not walk away with a gold statute next spring, The Academy should just pack it in.

Equally impressive is John Goodman as ATF agent, Joseph Keenan. Goodman puts in a terrific performance as a decent man asked to do the unthinkable.

Finally, then, there is not much more to say about Red State, other than to seek it out as soon as you can. Surely this film is going to alienate as many people who embrace it. Smith's fan base might really be in for a shock when they see what their idol is capable of when he is unfettered and not giving the people what they want (or expect). The rest of us will just sit back, mouth agape, and probably want to take a shower after it's all over.

From the Vaults: THEY LIVE

2011-08-29T18:20:00.000-04:00

Originally Posted on 02/06/08 as How Roddy Piper and his Tight Jeans Saved the World From Yuppie Scum Aliens

From the moment we see him stroll into frame, his jeans fitting snugly, his blond streaked mullet flowing in the breeze; we instantly fall in love with part time actor/full time pro wrestler, Roddy Piper as the hero named Nada in 1988's They Live.

Based on the short story, Eight o Clock in the Morning, director, John Carpenter took and ran with the germ of this tale of an everyman who has to save the world from an alien invasion, into a cuckoo political fable of Reaganomics heavily seasoned with as much macho bravado and bad one liners as was humanly possible, and by default whipped up something of a camp classic.

Actually, They Live starts off pretty damn good. It's all atmosphere as Nada, a down on his luck guy, finds his way to L.A. looking for some honest work, and ends up living in a tent city with some other folks who are all victims of the rotten economic times brought on by that failed movie star in the White House. These people spend their days working in menial jobs, and their nights camped around discarded television sets (that inexplicably have cable hook ups) watching shows that celebrate how the other half lives.

When he's not shirtless and sweating and looking damn hot, Nada is noticing that something peculiar is afoot. Like the strange interruptions in programing (stations are being hacked and an announcer appears warning the audiences that they are, even now, under attack) that cause a blind preacher to mimic what is being said on the television, or the odd comings and goings at a local church.

Eventually, Nada charms a local youth into giving him his binoculars so he can spy on the church from a distance, and he notices folks coming and going at all hours.

Before he can really investigate, the tent city is set upon by a thug-like cadre of police officers who arrest, beat or just drive the squatters away. It is during this disturbance that Nada stumbles upon a pair of funky sunglasses...and that's when the fun starts.

After beating a hasty retreat from the demolished tent city, Nada strolls the streets of L.A. and decides to try on the sunglasses. When he sports the Foster Grant knock-offs, suddenly the world around him goes from living color, to black and white - what's more, signage is significantly changed. Where a billboard once read, "Come to The Caribbean" it now states starkly, in plain black letters, "Marry and Reproduce". More signs say similar things like, "Sleep", "Obey", "Don't Question Authority". Upon glancing at a dollar bill, Nada now reads, "This Is Your God".

If all this is not enough to send a fellow into a state of panic, the sunglasses also reveal that many of the more successful residents of L.A. are actually zombified monstrosities of some sort. And most of them have these nifty little two-way radio devices built into their watches, which allows them to report suspicious activity to ... well, at this point we don't know exactly what they are, and who they might be reporting to.

As it turns out, we discover that the creatures are actually space aliens who have invaded our planet long ago and have taken over by controlling us economically as opposed to the use of laser beams and killer flying saucers - it's really a brilliant idea. The Yuppie Scum are from another planet, and they've acquired Earth via a non-hostile take over bid.

After the discovery of all of this, and just when They Live should really take off as a major indictment of The Reagan Era, the movie just flies off the tracks and becomes a testosterone fueled roller coaster of an action film.

In spite of this turn, my favorite scene comes when Nada, armed to the teeth with all kind of firearms strolls into a bank, wearing the tell-all-specs and shouts the immortal line, "I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass, and I'm all out of bubblegum".

That is such a stupid turn of phrase, and yet it's fucking brilliant - word is that Piper improvised it - so make of that what you will.

Now that the one liner bottle is open, they keep coming fast and furious. Here are a few other priceless bits:

"Life's a bitch, and she's back in heat again."
"The Golden Rule, he who has the gold, makes the rules."
"You look like you fell in the cheese-dip back in 1957"
"The world needs a wake up call, and we are gonna' phone it it."
"I got news for 'em. There's gonna be hell to pay. 'Cause I ain't Daddy's little boy no more. "

Trust me, they just keep getting worse.

Anyway, now that our hero knows the deal, he has to convince someone, anyone, about what is going on. First he kidnaps a woman named Holly (Meg Foster) and tells her. But Holly don't take no shit from no tight jean wearing drifter - so she pushes Nada out her living room window (really!) and after he falls, god knows how many feet down, he brushes him self off and walks away. And he tries again.

This time he tries to tell fellow drifter Frank (Keith David). Frank does not want to know either, but this time, there ain't no window to be pushed out of, so for the next six minutes, the most ridiculous fight scene ever put to film occurs.

In this corner, weighing in at 280 pounds from Denver, it's conspiracy theorist, Nada. His opponent, weighing in at 310 pounds and hailing from Michigan, it's the brown bomber, Frank!

Now we get to watch these two bulls beat each other to a pulp, all, presumably, because one wants the other to wear the damn glasses, and the other wants no part of it. Frankly, I think this is just the two of them working off some sexual energy, but hey that's just my take on things.

Finally, the fight over, Frank puts on the glasses and sees the light.

Next up the boys take a room at a dive motel on skid row, upon entering the room, Nada turns to Frank and utters another of those great one-liners (though this one seems rather telling), "Ain't love grand?" he smirks to his bruised comrade. Yes, to be sure, the relationship between Nada and Frank is filled with homoerotic overtones.

Anyway, now it's time for the boys to play cowboy, and play they do. Eventually they meet up with a group of freedom fighters, infiltrate the alien's underground headquarters(and in one of the film's brightest spots discover that the aliens have been helped along by wealthy humans who have a vested interest in the alien's undertakings), and shoot a lot of creatures.

Might makes right, and in the end, Nada exposes the world to the nefarious plans of the space yuppies by blowing up their satellite feed, which in turn exposes all alien's passing for human (note the scene towards the end where we see an alien duo debating the violence in film and mentioning George Romero and John Carpenter specifically).

They Live is a fun little movie, that coulda' been a contender, were it not for the dorky turn it takes. Still though, it is worth it for Roddy's bare chest, his tight jeans, and watching him struggle to show an emotion other than anger.

Paint it Black : STIR OF ECHOES

2011-08-21T17:47:00.001-04:00

1999's, Stir of Echoes, is one of those overlooked horror films that never seemed to get the respect it deserved.

Based on Richard Matheson's novel (A Stir of Echoes) , the film tells a blue-collar horror/murder/mystery tale about a lower middle class husband and father who suddenly finds himself capable of seeing dead people. As played by Kevin Bacon, Tom Witzky is a guy who realizes that his chances at bettering himself are swiftly passing him by as his wife is now pregnant with the couple's second child, and he still sees no promise for a promotion in his job as a telephone wire-lineman. Despite this, Tom and his wife, Maggie (Kathryn Erbe) seem like a happy, if somewhat slightly put upon, married couple. That their little son Jake (Zachary David Cope) has an imaginary friend he talks to often does not seem too much of a cause for concern.

Then one night, at a house party, Tom agrees to let Maggie's New Age / Hippie sister, Lisa (played by the always delightful and quirky Illeana Douglas) put him under hypnosis. Shortly thereafter, the fun begins.

Later that same night, Tom starts seeing visions, hearing voices, and developing a seemingly unquenchable thirst. He hallucinates his mouth bleeding and pulling his front tooth out, he finds a young girl sitting on the sofa next to him...and it just gets more insane from that point on.

Obviously overshadowed by the similarly themed, The Sixth Sense (which opened the same year), Stir of Echoes forgoes the subtlety of M. Night Shyamalan's block buster, and makes no bones about what might or might not be happening. This is clearly the story of a man being haunted by psychic vibrations and earth bound phantoms. As the movie progresses, we find Tom's sanity on the breaking point as he becomes obsessed with the remains of a missing girl who may, or may not, be the spectral apparition that he and his son are both seeing. Furthermore, there is the element of an unsolved missing persons case, and the chance that several of Tom's friends and neighbors might be involved.

Set in a working-class section of Chicago, Stir of Echoes incorporates the mentality of a tight-nit neighborhood's secrets and lies and shows how they conspire to create a sickening reality for all involved...well, you'll understand what I mean, after you watch the movie.

As for scares, this movie's got 'em. From jump cuts, to harsh musical cues, to creepy ghost girls wrapped in plastic, there are several heart stopping moments.

All in all, Stir of Echoes is a must see. If you already have watched it, then you owe yourself a chance to revisit, and if you've never seen it, well, now's your chance. Trust me, this one delivers the goods.

Let Us Now Pause to Drool : Jason Stackhouse

2011-08-14T19:56:00.000-04:00

Dumber than dirt, possible werepanther, lawman, horn dog, and all around bad boy; Jason Stackhouse (played by Ryan Kwanten) is True Blood's reigning skin flasher.

It seems that since True Blood appeared, Kwanten's contract stipulated he be in various stages of undress at least once an episode...

...no complaints there.

Inasmuch as Jason is one of the few mortals (so far) in Bon Temp, he still has had more than one brush with the supernatural, and that, and his unquenchable libido, is always fodder for a sexy misadventure.

Even when he found Jesus, and joined the "Fellowship of The Sun", Jason still showed off those abs, and managed an liaison with a preacher's wife.

Yeah, he's one lovable dofus, who could resist a romp with this redneck...and at least, in a town like Bon Temp, with Jason Stackhouse, what you see is what you get (provided that werepanther bite doesn't turn him).

Let us Now Pause to Drool : Alcide Herveaux

2011-08-08T17:39:00.000-04:00

Note: I dedicate this posting to Christine Hadden

True Blood's ultimate slab of meat has to be that werewolf with a heart of gold, Alicide Herveaux.

I suspect that it's totally OK to drool over this subject since he's ... well, he's so damn drool worthy.

Played by Mr. Joe Manganiello, Alcide is probably the most ripped specimen on HBO's supernatural soap opera.

Of course, to gain that body, Joe has to work hard...wouldn't you like to be his spotter at the gym? Hey, hey, eyes up here!

As this photo (courtesy of True Blood High) shows us, a modern day werewolf need pants that will not only accentuate his gams, but be easily removable when it's time to shift.

Even GQ took notice of our lycanthropic heart-throb!

The rear-view is also quite nice.

See, this is how a werewolf prepares to shift...and it might also get him a job at Chippendales.

So what if he might tear open your throat and eat you alive in a fit of passion, don't you think it would be worth it?

I figure a flea collar, some silver bullets (to be safe) and some Alpo is a small price to pay.

Horror Movie DILF: Insidious

2011-08-06T13:05:00.000-04:00

Name: Josh Lambertt

Occupation: Teacher.

Family: Wife, Renai. Sons, Dalton & Foster. Daughter, Tess.

Location: Unspecified suburb of Los Angeles California.

Why Is He a DILF?: Josh is a boyishly handsome fellow who is secure enough in his masculinity to apply anti-wrinkle cream to his face before bed ... he loves his children, though he seems somewhat distant to his wife. As a matter of fact, he stays late at his job for no other apparent reason than to avoid spending time with his better half...

In spite of his somewhat ambivalent feelings to the missus, Josh agrees to move out of the new home he just moved his family into when his wife insists that things are going bump in the night. That said, he is loathe to admit that anything supernatural might be happening, in spite of the weird goings-on...oh, and he also looks great in boxer shorts ...

Finally, when confronted with the reality that his son's soul has been kidnapped by a lipstick obsessed daemon, and that he himself, has a ghostly past; Josh man's up in a big way and travels to the "other side" where he battles a host of ghoulies and ghosties and long-leggedy beasties to bring his beloved son's spirit back to the real world...

...unfortunately for Josh, his bravery comes at a terrible price...here's hoping a sequel is in the works that features how Josh's story ends.

Played by: (the always delectable) Patrick Wilson.

On the Air!

2011-07-30T10:18:00.000-04:00

Since the name of the game these days is "shameless self promotion", allow me a second to engage in that practice and point you to a podcast featuring yours truly...yes, really, it's me full of caffeine and ready to chat up a storm with the Don Draper of the Horror Blogosphere, Brian Solomon over at Conversations in the Dark at The Vault of Horror. Joining us, was that most charming zombie commandant, Captain Cruella.

While we were supposed to be debating the films and social consciousness of George A. Romero, we also managed to touch on topics like horror themed porn, and Sharon Stone (and you know those two subjects always go hand-in-hand). Anyway, give a listen by clicking the link below.

LINK-A-DINK

Who's the Fairest of Them All? : THE BROKEN

2011-07-23T21:37:00.002-04:00

Essentially a re-telling of Invasion of the Body Snatchers, The Broken is a strangely effective little thriller about a British X-Ray technician ( Lena Headey) who suspects that her doppelganger is on the loose causing all kinds of problems for her. However, as the film progresses, it becomes clear that others are under the same impression as our heroine.

Director, Sean Ellis has crafted a slick film full of detail, lingering takes, and gorgeous sets. If nothing else. The Broken is a beautiful looking movie ... thankfully, there is a lot more to it than a highly polished veneer.

One of the delights of watching The Broken are the homages scattered about to other horror films. The Exorcist, The Shining, and Psycho are all referenced ...

...for instance:

A trip up to a creepy attic brings to mind Chris MacNeil's similar misadventure in The Exorcist.

Two junk yard dogs fight viciously, bringing to mind a similar scene in The Exorcist's prologue.

A late night shower turns violent and bloody much like the mishap at The Bates Motel in Psycho.

There is also a nod to The Shining where a woman locks herself in a bathroom, to avoid her now crazed boyfriend. Said boyfriend smashes in the door (but no axe is used), and the heroine escapes via a small window.

Homages, and style aside, The Broken works so well, because it has a perplexing plotline that takes the viewer on a mysterious journey where paranoia and fear seem to be lurking in every corner, or behind every mirror.

What is more terrifying than discovering that the image one gazes upon every morning while brushing his teeth might actually be staring back and hoping for a way out? And what if that image could manifest into the real world? Would there be room enough for two? I guess you'll have to see the movie to find out.

Finally, having no real expectations at all with The Broken, It is a pleasure to announce that this one really delivers the goods. So sit back, cover all the mirrors in your house, and watch as this film casts its spell and drags you through the looking glass.

More Halloween Porn!!!

2011-07-19T12:52:00.000-04:00

Hey heterosexual horror / porn fans, it seems that their are TWO X-rated versions of Halloween!

Previously I posted the trailer for Zero Tolerance's Halloween parody. Today, presented for your consideration, are some stills from Smash Pictures Halloween parody. From the looks of things, it seems that the fine folks at Smash Pictures have been much more faithful to the original.

Here's our porn versions of Laurie, Linda and Annie. Interesting that virginal Laurie is showing some leg and wearing her blouse unbuttoned. But look at the location, it almost looks like where John Carpenter shot the original.

OK, the tombstone looks like it's made out of Styrofoam, and the room is not dark enough, but thumbs up to the set decorator for using those retro linens and including the jack-o-lantern on the bedside table.

I just gotta laugh at this one; why is the victim looking lovingly at the camera? Hmmm, and that mask looks kind of cheesy. Oh yeah, props to the lighting guy or gal for the venetian blind shading on the wall - detail, baby, it's all about the detail!

OK, this shot looks pretty legitimate, though the victim appears she might be asleep and snoring...hey, but at least she's not flashing her tits!

Glasses, Check. Sheet, Check. Telephone wire...uh, hey, where's the telephone cord?

Bravo! Here's X Rated Laurie after she puts down Michael for the first time (L)...sort of brings to mind this still from the real Halloween (R).

Well, uh, OK, who is playing Michael Myers, a 12 year old boy? Sorry, can't help but chuckle over that mini slasher - looks like a couple of bitch-slaps would bring him down.

Be that as it may, kudos to the film makers for at least trying to pay homage to the classic while making a skin flick. Would that Rob Zombie have paid this much attention.

Halloween XXX is due out this September.

It Still Looks Better than anything Rob Zombie Came Up With!

2011-07-18T23:25:00.000-04:00

Here's the promo for Zero Tolerance's X rated version of Halloween...words fail me...

Horror Porn Rises From the Grave...Again!

2011-07-11T19:37:00.001-04:00

The last time we did a Horror Porn posting, the fine folks at Zero Tolerance films were talking up their latest epic, the Halloween Parody. Well the wait is over, wankers, and on June 25th of this year, the Halloween Parody was released. Let's take a look at the offical description, shall we? :

Even Haddonfield Illinois has never seen evil quite this twisted! When Michael Myers (Mark Wood) breaks out of the Shady Knobs Asylum where he's been locked up for years for murdering his slutty sister, Dr. Loomis (James Batholet) becomes so obsessed with the unleashed evil that he gets himself into a sexual frenzy which gorgeous latex-clad Nurse Marion is only too happy to indulge. Meanwhile, Michael is headed straight for Haddonfield where nerdy Laurie Strode (Chanel Preston) is busy defending her virginity against her whorish neighbors Lynda (Lexi Belle,) Annie (Dana Dearmond), and Bob (Kris Slater). Zeroing in on these wanton losers, Michael takes on various Halloween disguises to get in some serious action with his famously huge schlong - but climaxes are not enough to quench his taste! By the time Laurie goes to investigate, she is horrified at the trail of bodies she finds, and finds herself face to face with Michael! Laurie tries everything to defend herself, but it's Dr. Loomis who finishes the job, leaving him finally satisfied that the evil is gone. But is it?

Best movie title, EVER!

Because the only good twink, is a silent twink.

If you need a porn film that references Deliverance, The Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Devil's Rejects, you might need some professional help. Want to know more?

XXX meets deliverance in this blistering fuckfest from director of the year JACKtheZIPPER. Kane and Audrey Hollander deliver explosive performances as the party girls who take a wrong turn and end up sex slaves on the ultimate hillbilly hellride. An absolute scorcher! And a must see for fans of Texas Chainsaw Massacre and the Devil's Rejects. Wall to wall orgies, dp's, anal, and pin-up bondage!

No hockey masks, no woods, no campers...but check out her hair!

Yes, yes, I know, The Da Vinci Code was not a horror film (well Tom Hank's hair was pretty scary, but I digress).Be that as it may, when you read the plot of this epic, well, you will understand that genius has left Hollywood and has now taken up residence at PZP productions.

The Priory of Semen, an ancient secret society, finds an ancient scroll that can only be decoded by soaking it with the loads of Leonardo Da Vinci's studly descendants, who must cum on the faces of virgin twinks. There are all kinds of twists and turns along the way as the Da Vinci Boys pop twink cherries from Stonehenge to The Vatican.

Mad Women : John Carpenter's THE WARD

2011-07-08T22:31:00.000-04:00

Legendary director, John Carpenter has not exactly been setting the world on fire lately...it's been a long time since I've seen a film of his that I liked from beginning to end, in fact I'd have to go back to 1988's They Live. So imagine my surprise when I found myself actually enjoying his latest foray into the genre that made him an icon.

Make no mistake, The Ward is no Dark Star or Halloween or even Christine; but damn if it's not a fine little spook fest full of atmosphere and some nifty scares.

Amber Heard (who, for whatever reason, put me in mind of Elizabeth Berkley in this film) plays a pretty young woman named Kristen who is found in the middle of nowhere staring at a farm house she set on fire earlier. Soon she is taken to a mental institution and locked up in a special ward full of...well, it's full of other pretty young women who don't seem all that dangerous or in need of being on a locked down section of a hospital, but what the heck.

Considering that this film is set in 1966, the state of mental health care shown is less than exemplary. Electroconvulsive therapy, buckets full of pills and straight jackets are the norm at this sanatorium - but nonetheless, the girls interrupted on the ward are still prone to put on some pop music and dance merrily around the day room when the mood strikes...

When not being terrorized and traumatized by the archaic mental health care, and the seemingly evil Nurse Lundt (Susanna Burney), Kristen begins to have visions of a ghostly patient up to no good. More than that, she is also prone to flashbacks in which she is chained up in a basement being menaced by a hulking something or other.

Before too long, the apparition (a sort of ghoulish gal) attacks and kills the other women on the ward, knocking off each one via therapeutic devices (a shock treatment machine, lobotomy hammers, etc). Eventually, Kristen gets her act together and fights back and ... and then the twist is revealed, and it's kind of cool, and very old school. Honestly The Ward has such a retro feel to it that I am tempted to call it "subtle" in its approach (OK, maybe that's a bit much, but considering the hyper kinetic technique that most thrillers are filmed today, the pace and style of The Ward is rather refreshing).

That's not to say that The Ward is perfect, it's not. In fact, it has a "shock" ending that almost made me want to prank call Mr. Carpenter and say, "Really John? That's the best ending you could come up with? Seriously ?" Oh and I also had a difficult time believing that someone could fall out of a third story window and survive with nothing more than a few scratches and a broken arm, but that's just me.

Final word; check yourself into The Ward and you will discover a decently crafted thriller that despite its flaws (and that dreadful ending) has a throwback feel to it and enough honest scares to make it well worth your time.

A Very Special Guest Vlog By Chris Moore: NIGHT WARNING

2011-07-05T12:57:00.001-04:00

I can't say enough about my bud, Chris Moore. The kid is one talented little scamp, and he's got great taste in B-Films (as you will see).

Today, we are honored that Mr. Moore has decided to premiere the season opener of his Internet series, Confessions of a Horror Baby right here on Billy Loves Stu! Even more exciting is the fact that Chris cooked up a special Gay Pride Month (he thinks it's only a week, but that's OK) offering (a few days late, but that is also OK). Sit back, kids and enjoy the bumping and grinding, as well as the dissecting of Night Warning, a film that features skinny shirtless guys in tight gym shorts, homophobic cops, gay gym coaches, and Warhol Superstar, Miss Susan Tyrrell assaulting a co-ed with a meat tenderizer!

Take it away, Chris...

This Little Light of Mine: VANISIHING ON 7th STREET

2011-06-30T19:13:00.000-04:00

What to make of Brad Anderson’s Vanishing on 7th Street?

On the one hand it is an atmospheric little Twilight Zone-flavored piece concerning itself with a handful of survivors of an apocalyptic happening. On the other, it’s a convoluted tale that wants to tackle spiritual, philosophical and existential themes. Sadly, that mixture never seems to gel.

When Luke Ryder (Hayden Christensen) wakes one morning to discover that most of the populace of Detroit has vanished into thin-air, leaving behind only their clothing and other physical artifacts, one can not help but be drawn in to the nightmare scenario. A particularly chilling moment occurs early on as Luke wanders the barren streets and a jet plane falls silently from the sky exploding into flames behind him bringing to mind the horrors of 9/11.

As the story progresses it becomes apparent that mankind was done in by some kind of malevolent black- inky–like-smoke-stuff that thrives in the dark, and feeds off of people. It can only be dispelled by light. Furthermore, the afore mentioned black-inky–like-smoke-stuff seems to be filled with the spirits of the dead – or something like that. To make matters worse, the sun only rises for a few hours a day and most electrical products don’t seem to work.

Eventually Luke finds himself drawn to a bar named, “Sonny’s”, (as in Sunny? or Son of God?) where the power is still going strong, the jukebox is playing righteous R & B, and the beer is still cold thanks to a gasoline powered generator. While at the bar he meets a little boy named, James (Jacob Latimore), and a theatre usher named Peter (John Leguizamo). Joining our biblically named trio, is Rosemary (Thandie Newton), a nurse who is grieving her missing child (Rosemary’s baby?). Soon, these four characters in search of an exit are trying to figure out the who, what and why of their situation. Much like the sad souls in Satre’s No Exit, our foursome begin to ponder their own souls and wonder if they are not already dead and being punished for their sins. While at this juncture, one would hope that Vanishing on 7th Street might start to tackle more heady subjects, instead the movie just falls apart and throws in a seat-of-the-pants escape scene, a series of boneheaded moves by the hero, and a quasi-religious dénouement that might leave the viewer shaking his head in disbelief.

Referencing everything from The Rapture, to the Roanoke Colony ,Vanishing on 7th Street provides its audience with plenty of questions, but no damn answers - I mean I love ambiguity as much as the next guy, but there comes a point after you've spent ninety minutes watching a film, you'd like a few answers. Unfortunately there are none to be had. The best we get is a little girl with a flashlight that she claims never turns off, and a final scene of two small children riding a horse to escape Detroit as night falls while the little girl's light keeps on shining.

The Bad Boys of Bon Temp

2011-06-26T09:50:00.000-04:00

In honor of the new season of True Blood, a little something to whet your appetite from last year:

I once heard HBO's vampire soap opera, True Blood, referred to as, "The closest thing to prime-time-soft-core-gay-porn out there". I don't know If I'd go that far - but since series creator, Alan Ball does play for my team, I can't help but notice that the ratio of bare chests to boob shots is pretty much off the charts (with the bare chests vastly showing up more than any boobage). With that in mind, let's take a look at some of the hunky werewolves, vampires, shape shifters and mortal bad boys of Bon Temp Louisiana.

Jason Stackhouse: Dumb as dirt, hornier than hell, and hotter than Georgia asphalt, Jason Stackhouse is Bon Temp's resident hot blooded stud. Honestly, I do believe that Ryan Kwanten's contract stipulates that he must go bare ass and shirtless at least once an episode - no complaints!

Lafayette Reynolds: Fierce, fashionable, flamboyant, and tough enough to kick any red neck who get's all up in his business, Lafayette is the troubled yet compassionate bad boy who works as a short order cook, and sells "V" on the side. Three cheers to Nelsan Ellis for taking the gay stereotype and playing it a whole other way.

"Eggs" Benedict Talley: "Satan in a Sunday Hat" indeed. Eggs was the brief but unforgettable lover of Tara. Sadly he was under the spell of an evil maenad, and was killed off. He was played by former Calvin Klein underwear model, Mehcad Brooks.

Hoyt Fortenberry: Hoyt was a Mama's boy, that was until his mom went crazy thanks to the afore mentioned evil maenad - and then, after the maenad's spell was broken, Hoyt's mama further alienated her son when she dissed his vampire girlfriend. Poor Hoyt, such a lovable big galoot! Played charmingly by Jim Parrack.

Bill Compton: A southern gentleman vampire, Mr. Compton is polite, and charming. Eventually he wins the heart of True Blood's heroine, waitress, Sookie Stackhouse (Anna Paquin), and despite all of his seemingly honorable intentions, brings a world of trouble into Sookie's life. That said, who could deny Bill, and his hairy chest, anything he might want. Bill Compton is played by Stephen Moyer.

Eric Northman: The Yin to Bill Compton's Yang, Eric Northman is a a greedy, manipulative, vampire who dates back to the Norse Vikings . Currently he runs a "fang bangers" bar that serves as a front for some seedier operations. So blond, so evil and so irresistible ... played to perfections by Alexander Skarsgård.

Sam Merlotte: The say all men are dogs, and in Sam's case, they'd be right. Actually, sexy Sam is a shape shifter, but his preferred shape to shift in to would be that of a cuddly little dog . Dependable, likable and the proprietor Bon Temp's favorite watering hole, Merlottes, sometimes you can find Sam runing through the woods naked as the day he was born...

...furthermore, Sam recently had a dream about Bill Compton that ended rather abruptly...

...just before the shifter and blood sucker were going to kiss...sigh. Sam is played by Sam Trammell.

Alcide Herveaux: Behold Bon Temp's newest slab of sex! Alcide is a werewolf with a heart of gold, and like his Bon Temp brethren, is prone to take his shirt off at a moment's notice! Damn, draw blood! Played by Joe Manganiello

Letter From Camp Stonewater

2011-06-17T20:27:00.000-04:00

For gay pride month: time to (once again) dust off this letter from camp...

Dear Mom and Dad,

Camp Stonewater has been a lot of fun, thanks for sending me.

I really like the head counselor, Todd, he is such a nice guy. He's really tight with this other guy here ... I think that other guy looks a lot like George Costanza, except he has hair.

Most of the kids are pretty cool, but there's this one dude who is always giving us a hard time, his name is Glazer, He's a real jerk, and he wears his swim trunks kind of tight and every time I see him in them I get this funny feeling that I don't know how to describe.

Anyway, it's cool because ,Todd knows what a jerk that Glazer really is, and he's already read him the riot act ... but you know what? As I was watching the two of them getting all up in each others grills, I had that same funny feeling that I can't put into words.

Oh, dad, you are always asking me about the girls at Camp Stonewater ... why is that? Anyway, this one girl named Sophie is kind of nice, she looks a lot like Holly Hunter ... you know, that actress from The Piano? What do you think?

The other day, a bunch of us went on a canoe trip to one of the islands near the camp. It was awesome fun! This one guy they call Woodstock, is really funny. I noticed that his shorts ride up when he's paddling a canoe ... well, let's just say, he lets it all hang out ... ha ha!

You might have heard that we had some problems up here ... it's true, seems that one of the former groundskeepers went a little nuts-o after some kids burnt him up a couple of years ago, and now the killjoy is trying to ruin it for everyone else.

What a jerk.

They call him Cropsy. What kind of name is that?

The jerk even went and chopped off Woodstock's fingers before he ended up killing him and a bunch of the other kids! Man, it was a real mess! But you'll be happy to know that your son is a hero!

Me and Todd hunted down this Cropsy creep and we let him have it, but good. I stabbed him with his own shears and then Todd set him on fire ... it was awesome!

No body is going to be bothered by that guy again!

The funny thing is, after we jacked up that bastard, Todd told me how proud he was of me and ... well .... I got that funny, indescribable feeling again . But this time, I told Todd all about it and he said, "That's cool."

So, I guess you both should know that I will be moving in with Todd.

I'll send you our address as soon as we get settled. Until then, I remain,

Your Loving Son,

Alfred

Frankenstein's Gay Daddy - Guest Posting by Brian Bara

2011-06-13T19:56:00.000-04:00

Brian Bara (aka Prospero), proprietor of the fabulous Caliban’s Revenge was kind enough to supply today's posting for Gay Pride Month. Submitted for your approval, here is a piece on one of gay horror's ground-breakers, Frankenstein's Gay Daddy, James Whale:

As a child in the 60’s, my first introductions to horror movies were the Universal Monsters films on UHF TV. You know you know them: Dracula; Frankenstein; The Wolfman. -- movies my father loved and saw on the big screen when he was a kid. But my favorite was Bride of Frankenstein, now considered to be director James Whale’s masterpiece.

Openly gay James Whale's directing career started as WWI POW, directing plays and skits in order to maintain morale amongst his fellow POWs. After the war, he returned to England and took up a career as a cartoonist before returning to the stage with a production of Journey's End, a play about WWI. He subsequently went on to make Journey's End into a film in 1930, starring frequent collaborator (and rumored homosexual) Colin Clive, who later gained fame as Dr. Henry Frankenstein, maker of monsters. Whale made two more WWI films that year, Hell's Angels and Waterloo Bridge.

The following year, he made the first of many film adaptations of Mary Shelley's classic Horror novel Frankenstein, starring Clive and Boris Karloff as the Monster (a role Bela Lugosi turned down because he thought he'd be unrecognizable under so much makeup). The film was sensation and like Tod Browning's Dracula, caused women to faint in the aisles.

Whale's next foray into the genre was 1932's The Old Dark House, starring Karloff, Melvyn Douglas, Charles Laughton and Gloria Stuart. It tells the story of a group of travelers seeking shelter from a storm in a gloomy castle in Wales, and is probably the primary inspiration for The Rocky Horror Show. In 1933, Whale's tackled H.G. Welles' The Invisible Man, starring Claude Rains and Ms. Stuart as his ill-fated love, which also featured familiar character actress and hysterical screamer Una O'Connor in one of her many appearances in a Whale film. Sadly, Whale's next genre film would be both his best and his last. 1935's Bride of Frankenstein would reunite him with Colin Clive and Boris Karloff, but would be the last time Whale visited the genre. It is also one of the best genre films of the era, made at the height of Whale's artistic prowess.

Filled with in-jokes, camp performances, furtive gay references and then state-of-the-art special effects, Bride of Frankenstein actually made the monster a sympathetic character this time around. Hated and misunderstood because he was different, the creature learns to speak (thanks to a kindly blind hermit) and eventually expresses his loneliness. Of course when Frankenstein and his collaborator Dr. Pretorius (Ernest Thesiger) finally create a mate (Elsa Lanchester) for him, she rejects the monster who then declares “We belong dead!” and promptly blows the lab (and his ‘bride’) to smithereens. Sadly, “We belong dead!” was probably the prevailing attitude among gay people in the 30’s. Even sadder, it’s still the attitude among many straight people, today.

Whale went on to make several dramas and romances, including the first version of Jerome Kerns' musical Showboat with Irene Dunne, Paul Robeson and Hattie McDaniel. He lived with his partner David Lewis for 22 years, until they separated in 1952. By then, Hollywood homophobia had ended his career as a filmmaker, though he had rediscovered his love of painting. His later life was fictionalized in Bill Condon’s brilliant 1998 film Gods and Monsters, starring Ian Mckellan, Brendan Fraser and Lynn Redgrave. Whale drowned himself in his swimming pool in 1957.

James Whale made 22 films over his career, but is best remembered for his astonishing genre films, which have rightfully earned the title "Classic." Whale was openly gay at a time when being so often meant the end of one's career but his artistic vision was so strong, it transcended sexuality and affected audiences worldwide and for generations to come. I fear we will not see his like again, though I pray I am wrong.

Prospero

*Portions of this post first appeared on Caliban’s Revenge in October of 2010.

Profiles in Horror: Terry Geralds, The Solitary Man

2011-06-11T21:15:00.001-04:00

Sarcastic, sequestered and sensational, that's Terry Geralds. The proprietor of the blog, Slasher Film Sanctuary is one of my favorite Facebook buddies. Recently he (and his blog) were cited and quoted in the book, The Complete History of The Return of the Living Dead. With a theatrical background, and a talent for telling it like it is, Geralds is my go-to-guy when I need some information on classic slasher films of the 80's. Once you meet him, you'll see why.

Terry, what is it about the horror genre that drew you in?

It scared the living shit out of me! However, the monsters were always safely confined to my television, where they could never hurt me. As a kid I was afraid of everything. I believed monsters lurked within the shadows, around every corner. Horror films were a way for me to conquer that fear. A step in self-healing if you will. It was during this “self-help journey,” that I developed an undying love for the horror genre. I’ve been hooked ever since.

Like another esteemed member of this interview series (Chris Moore), you have a background in performing. Is it your desire to return to that? And if so, what would be your dream horror based project?

I would love to return to the stage. I miss acting so much that I can’t even bare to go see plays anymore. It just reminds me of how much fun I had in the theater and how much I miss it. I’ve always wanted to be part of a kick-ass horror film. One that would be remembered forever, like John Carpenters Halloween or Night Of The Living Dead. A film that I could be forever proud to have been a part of. Sadly, my life is a bit complicated, in a Lifetime Movie kind of way, so the odds of me returning to the stage are extremely slim. But it is something I continue to dream about every day.

What is it about horror films of the 1980's, specifically slasher films, that you like so much?

Horror films of the 80’s were my portal to horror. They were what first introduced me to the genre I love so much, and there will always be a strong connection because of that. Also, 80’s horror films are just so much fun to watch! Some of the best horror flicks came out of the 1980s, in my humble opinion. How could you not love all the big hair, awesome 80’s music, and killers sporting masks and knives?

I get the feeling that you are something of a loner (if I am wrong, then tell me!) . What horror film event would it take to get you out of the house? Or what event in general?

I am somewhat of a loner. However, I do have loads of amazing friends that do I see on occasion. If an opportunity presented itself for me to get to travel to horror conventions and meet so many of the people I adore, I would most likely go. I’d be attending horror conventions already if I didn’t absolutely suck when it came to having the nerve to drive to places I’ve never been. Heavy traffic and strange places make this boy a little uneasy.

I understand that you worship the ground Kristy Jett walks on. What if Kristy were coming to your house for dinner – what would you serve, and what type of entertainment would be provided?

Oh absolutely! Kristy Jett is one fabulous “chikadiva” (A word I concocted to describe any gal that I absolutely adore!) When I first discovered her online, something just clicked. She has impeccable taste in horror, and we both absolutely adore the 1991 film “Popcorn,” which Kristy is working her fingers to the bone to get re-released. I’ve never met her in real life but I’m absolutely certain that I would still adore her just as much, if not more. If she and I were to have dinner, I would serve whatever Kristy wanted. As for entertainment…..we would watch “Popcorn” of course!

What is your all-time favorite horror film, and why.

That has always been the hardest question for me to answer. How could I possibly pick just one to be my all-time favorite? The truth is that many films rank in my #1 favorite film slot. John Carpenters Halloween, Night Of The Living Dead, I could go on and on. But if I had to pick just one, out of my all of my number one faves, I would go with the 1984 film “Night Of The Comet.” It’s just so much fun! It has big hair, 80’s music, zombies, Catherine Mary Stewart, Kelli Maroney, and Mary Woronov! What’s not to love?!

In your opinion, do you think the genre is better or worse today than it was in the 1980's?

Worse. Most all films made today don’t leave a last impression on the viewer like films from yesteryear did. At least they don’t in my cinematic viewing experience.

Do you think horror films speak to the disenfranchised in general?

Absolutely. Yeah that’s all I got, lol!

What horror movie hunk (not the actor, the character) would you like to have a fling with, and why?

Mike Brennan, played by John Terlesky, from the 1986 film “Chopping Mall.” He was manly, muscular, beautiful, fun, and unbelievably sexy. When I first saw that film, I instantly fell in love with him. Odd enough, as a child I always developed crushes on adults. Had I actually known any pedophiles, I would’ve been their dream come true! Okay, maybe I should‘ve left that last part out. LOL!

What Final Girl (not the actress, the character) would you like to be BFF's with, and why?

None of them! Usually the final girls BFF’s get “K.I.L.L.E.D.” I’d like to avoid that thanks, so I’m checking the “No I will not be your friend box.”

Does it ever bother you (like it does me), that Mrs. Voorhees' revenge in the original Friday the 13th was actually bogus because Jason was alive and not really dead?

That was always something that both confused and irked me. But I’ve always tried to overlook that and understand why Mrs. Voorhees did what she did. It was justice for her son, she just got a little confused about whom the enemy responsible was. Her heart was in the right place, but her mind sure wasn’t.

Finally, what do you want the world to know about Terry Geralds?

That I’m single and looking for someone beautiful, outside as well as in. Someone willing to accept me as I am and work with me. Someone who knows the true meaning to love. Someone who can help make all my dreams come true, someone who…….wait, this isn’t an eHarmony questionnaire, is it? Ummmm, check out my blog @ www.slasherfilmsanctuary.blogspot.com. Go Horror!

Profiles in Horror: Justin Roebuck-Lafleur, The Married Man

2011-06-09T17:37:00.000-04:00

PLEASE NOTE : Due to a technical difficulty, this interview was initially posted last night and then taken down. We worked diligently here at Billy Loves Stu World Headquarters to rectify that situation. So without further ado, let's get it on:

Surely I'm not the only person that gets the sudden urge following a funeral to just grab someone and wrap my naked body around theirs and just sweat and thrust and feel ALIVE!

Justin Roebuck-Lafleur, is a relatively new (and outrageous) voice in the horror blogosphere. His blog, The October Country is a terrific journey into the grotesque, the erotic and the musical (downloadable soundtracks, anyone?). He has also recently started up a photo blog that I can only describe as David Lynch style Gay porn with some animal pictures thrown in. Seriously, I love this guy, he’s creative and opinionated and is not afraid to speak his mind. So pull up a comfy chair (you'll be her for a bit, trust me) and let's meet my main man, Justin:

Justin, what was it that drew you to horror films originally? Was this a life-long romance or did it happen later on?

Oh, it was definitely a life long love affair. I think my very first exposure to anything horror related was Disney's animated adaptation of Washington Irving's "The Legend of Sleepy Hollow" (with Bing Crosby). Watching that movie was my daily custom when I was two years old. Sitting crossed legged in front of our old monstrous floor television set in my footie pajamas, probably with chocolate all over my face, I couldn't get enough and every time the Horseman's howl sounded throughout the foothills, my heart would just pound out of my chest. In fact, when I was trying my hand at screenwriting as a young adult (natch) I found that my more, shall I say adult horror fare, kept getting sidelined by these less "respectable" slasher components, that I'd dreamed up over the years. I decided that I really needed to exorcise these elements from my system, if I was ever going to move on and write the things that were really eating at me, so I resolved to put every single stalk and slash scenario that I thought was awesome, into one screenplay once and for all. When I was looking for what this particular story's hook would be, I quickly went back to my very first love, which was "The Legend of Sleep Hollow", only updating the scenario of Tarry Town's haunted history to modern times and titled the project "Old Haunts". I knew even then that meddling with such a classic story was kind of ridiculous (such endeavors usually get under even my skin) but I did my best to be respectful of Irving's tone, his nostalgia for the New York countryside locale in addition to bringing forth many hinted at ideas from the novel, regarding the town's affinity for the supernatural. It favored atmosphere over bloodshed (I think the body count was kept to a minimum of 5) and I even got the opportunity to turn an old ghost story my grandfather told me before bed every night, into a rather cool set-piece of prolonged tension. Though ultimately the script never saw completion, it was an absolute blast to write, probably the most fun I've ever had writing anything. But yeah, my love of scary things started with the Headless Horseman chasing down lanky 'ol Ichabod Crane.

However that was just the first baby step. I would say that the man most responsible for making me the horror nut that I am today would be Steven Speilberg of all people. "Jaws" and his executive produced "Gremlins" and "Poltergeist" were my holy trinity of fright for the first 10 years of my life (also, in most cases I wasn't allowed to view anything over a PG-13 rating in our home, so I took what I could get back in those days). But I didn't just watch them (individually, between then and now, I've probably seen each one of those movies over 200 times, if not more). I was constantly "starring" in them while every other kid on the block was busy playing with their G.I. Joes. In my review for Lew Lehman's "The Pit", I spent over half the article (I over-related to the plight of that movie's pint sized protagonist) recounting embarrassing scenarios from my childhood wherein one of those three films were always the root cause of some public spectacle I was making of myself and my family; playing "Jaws" all on my own, on a daily basis, at the public swimming pool involved me giving the lifeguards near heart attacks (or I imagine) as I was constantly screaming and splashing and crying for help before sinking beneath the surface for as long as I could hold my breath, having been "devoured" by the bloodthirsty "shark". "Poltergeist"? I reenacted Diane Freeling's (JoBeth Willaims, all hail) muddy swimming pool slide into a sea of decaying corpses routinely in the back of my parent's car (we didn't buckle up back then) utilizing the backseat itself as the "slanted, slippery side of the swimming pool", the space above it and beneath the window as my "goal" and a rather realistic looking decrepit skull (a Halloween decoration, complete with a long mane of filthy hair) that would "spring forth from the ground" (rather simply, held in my hand and shoved into my own face) ala the film and "frighten" me so badly that I would then "slide" back down to the bottom of the "pool" (the foot well of the backseat) and start again. Going so far to sound like a screeching banshee (I imagine) on most occasions as I was constantly "humming" (or something akin to that) the scores from the films I was, er, "interpreting" and so my parents were treated to little Justin Roebuck's acapella rendition of Jerry Goldsmith's "Night of the Beast" in addition to my own pre-pubescent lady-boy screams. A battered and weathered Gizmo doll was my only security blanket in those days, so it goes without saying that everywhere I went, he went as well, and there were always nasty Gremlins up to no good that needed dispatching. Later on, movies such as "The Gate", "The Midnight Hour", "The Monster Squad" and "Critters" got added to the mix and there were more than a few babysitters that got fired as a result of me convincing them that I was allowed to watch harder fair like "Friday the 13th Part VI" Jason Lives" and "April Fool's Day", but those initial three Speilberg vehicles were my much loved constants.

As far as what constantly drew me to stories of misty graveyards and creaky crypts and all the scary creatures that lurked within them, it's anyone's guess I suppose. For starters, I was always a very imaginative kid. I didn't have many friends growing up and spent most of my waking life retreating into my own daydreams. Horror, what with it's dark fantastical elements was a perfect breeding ground for sowing seeds of adventure in our backyard, our dusty basement or dirty garage. Science fiction, which I do appreciate, was too specific, too limiting. Horror had it all! Vampires, zombies, crazed killers and a whole host of supernatural entities that could bend the laws of nature anyway they saw fit. The genre captured my young imagination and it hasn't relented it's grip since. Also, my other theory is that it was a comforting escape from a messy home life that was constantly in flux. Both my parents were constantly in and out of marriages and as a result I had a revolving door of mother and father figures, not to mention siblings, constantly coming and going. Add to this we were seemingly, constantly moving around. That instability, and the real feeling of never ending loss of loved ones, led to a lot of unhappiness. Then throw into the mix my even then apparent, childhood homosexuality all the while growing up in a small, conservative Midwestern town. This aspect of myself left me with a constant suspicion that there was something "wrong" or "off" about me. Even at the age of 5 or 6, I was perceptive enough to realize that many adults and most children regarded me as something "alien" or different. Some people like escapism that reaffirms their belief that all is right with the world or rather, everyone is a comic and all is lighthearted and fun. The guy always gets the girl, nobody ever dies or leaves unless the story is a noted "downer", there is always a storybook happy ending and all that jazz. I guess I'd fall on the opposite side of that spectrum. I think I related an awful lot to the inherent darkness that runs throughout all of horror, be it cinema or literature. It was reflective of my inner mood. I'm certain on the outside I appeared to be a happy, if somewhat strange child. But on the inside I was finger painting black swirls again and again and again ad infinitum. The adults in my life always fought against this preoccupation with the genre of course and loved ones would say that I was a pessimist even then, but I choose to believe that I was a realist. The world was and is a scary place and I've always known that to some degree and the horror genre is one of the few precious realms, where we don't have to pussyfoot around that reality. There is no sugar coating things when you discover the hacked up bodies of your friends strewn about the dark campground, ya know?

You are a married man (congratulations), does your husband share your love of the macabre, or does he just tolerate it?

Well first off, thank you. Sometimes it's still a shock that my name carries that big moniker above it especially because for the longest time I refused to not only date, but I resisted being domesticated in anyway (the latter of which is still something that I stubbornly fight). Thankfully, my love of horror has been one of the easier, more tolerable aspects of married life with me. When Daniel (my husband) and I met he enjoyed horror movies sure, but I'd say more in passing. He wasn't obsessed with them and he surely didn't possess a background education on the big players and important landmarks in the genre's history. I suppose he has had no other choice but to pick up on things through his daily exposure to me and my incessant prattling about the subject. Over the years though he's constantly surprised me by blurting out some tidbit of information that he took the time to learn on his own; a director's body of work, a composer's notable contributions, why someone was considered a scream queen. At first, I imagine that my brow would probably always furrow and I'd look confused and then realization would set in and I'd give him a big proud kiss. I'd say that through his own volition he's become nearly on par with my knowledge of the genre and in some cases he's even surpassed me. Our tastes are radically different sometimes as much as they can be the same. We both love slow burn, atmospheric creep-fests and vintage monster movies, we're both partial to many of the artier foreign offerings and we both also appreciate a good old fashioned gore flick. However, he's struck out on his own of late and has discovered that above everything else, he really enjoys some plain awful, exploitation cheapies, which is not an enthusiasm that I share even though he's slowly whittling away my reservations. The one aspect where we are really different though would be that he has yet to fully tumble into fanboy territory. Save for the occasional film that he absolutely must own (recently it's been J. Michael Muro's "Street Trash" and Giorgos Lanthimos' "Dogtooth"), he certainly has resisted the call to purchase things like action figures, vintage promotional standees and all that other good stuff that comes with the territory. Also, he occasionally helps me out with The October Country so I gotta love him for that.

Just like in any other marriage though, we have to make compromises. Sometimes he wants to listen to Pink Floyd and I've had Fred Myrow's "Phantasm" score stuck in my head for the better part of an hour. Other times he is in the mood for "Ilsa: She-Wolf of the SS" and I'm leaning towards "The Mist" for the billionth time. On his behalf, I've done my best to keep the horror related shit regulated to one room, so when we moved into a small house last year, I was designated a space that became our library (thereby fulfilling my life long dream of having such a thing) which is where all the horror novels, movies, posters and general memorabilia is on display. So yeah, it's a total holy matrimony. From the very beginning though, there were three stipulations he had to possess if I was even going to give him the time of day, in my utterly jerkish, geeky way. First, he must have reverence for the almighty David Lynch. Secondly, he had to promise that he would at the very least give author Ramsey Campbell a shot and third, he must accept that throughout the month of October we are consistently going to be flat broke as I would be buying any and all Halloween decorations that even mildly struck my fancy. Also, in short, our house was going to be transformed into the Haunted Mansion for 31 days. Obviously, he passed with flying colors.

Speaking of marriage, since most states in the US still do not allow gay couples to marry, what horror icon do you think would be the best spokesperson for gay marriage?

Oh, good question. And a tough one I might add. I guess that begs the question as to who ultimately is more influential in the eyes of heterosexual voters; out of the closet gay men and women or their heterosexual allies. Obviously, the more iconic they are the better. If it were the former I would say Anthony Perkins, if he was still with us. Perhaps I'd nominate him because I know he caught the eyes of many ladies in his (and their) youth, which never hurts. That and my grandfather loves him (and as everyone knows, the elderly vote can mean millions). Unfortunately though, he is no longer, so perhaps Clive Barker (though he may be too obtuse for the average fella).

If we were to go the latter route, I'd say perhaps Robert Englund or Stephen King. Englund, because he is probably one of the genre's most recognized and beloved modern madmen whose popularity back in the day truly crossed dozens of demographics (be thy age, color or gender) all the while he's shown himself to be a likeable, intelligent and astute individual. I mean, who wouldn't just smile if Freddy Kruger was talking to you? I'd buy whatever he was selling (except for maybe "Strippers vs. Werewolves"). But if he were unavailable, I'd say Mr. King would be an ideal runner up. Even though he himself seemed to suffer from a slight case of homophobia in the 70's (if his reminiscences from "Danse Macabre" are to be believed) he seems better of it now. I'd nominate King because though his style isn't my cup of tea (I appreciate his ideas and worlds, just not their execution), his work is already in the majority of every household in this country, sitting right next to Americans' copies of Rush Limbaugh's "An Army of One" and Bill O'Reilly's "Pinheads and Patriots".

What is your favorite horror film, and why.

George A. Romero's "Dawn of the Dead". Hands down. I think that that movie is the most perfect horror film ever made, and on first viewing, one of the most horrifying. Honestly, you really couldn't ask for more. Romero's biting social satire has never been stronger. The story on a whole is intelligent and sophisticated. There's its eye-popping, stylish color palette. The four leads are all great, each and every one of them earning a memorable, iconic place in horror movie history. Despite mostly being confined to the shopping mall, the film's scope and canvas feel huge and despite many attempts at ripping it off (and bigger budgets) since, nothing has trumped its epicness (at least in my mind). There is Goblin's awesome score and even the stock, incidental music rocks (and might I add, there's nothing in this world that I cherish more than the memory of my husband tooling about the house in his underwear humming Herbert Chappell's "The Gonk"). You've got Tom Savini's beautifully executed gore. I mean really, I could just go on and on, but I highly doubt that I need to sell your readers on this particular masterpiece.

"Dawn of the Dead" was also the first real gore film I'd ever seen (around the age of 15 I think). Spurned on by the pages of Fangoria, I hunted down a copy in the small, do-nothing town my father was living in and bought it sight unseen on some boring summer afternoon. I watched it right after eating lunch from the hot dog / root beer stand across the street from us, and then spent the next 2 hours trying to keep all that chili sauce down as I witnessed the most graphic bloodshed I'd seen up to that time splash across the screen. Actually, the neck / arm ripping during the opening SWAT invasion still gets to me a little. Additionally, and this is despite the daylight beaming in through our windows, I think I had the blanket pulled up to my eyes on more than one occasion. It's not so much that I am a pussy, but I usually go into these things with an over eagerness to be frightened, the opposite of many viewer's puffed-up stance of "I DARE you to try to scare me." That's whats fun for me. Not getting grossed out (though I can take it) but really having the hairs on my arms raised. You'll never find me standing there, hands on hips, legs spread, chest to the sky acting like I've seen it all (even though really, I think I have) and proudly declaring that nothing can or will effect me. Sometimes, I really can't wrap my head around that attitude, outside of its macho posturing. I'd practically take a film maker by the hand and beg them "PLEASE scare me" if I could. And "Dawn of the Dead", with it's sea of gnashing, rotting teeth and decayed, clawing hands, did just that.

David Lynch is coming to your house for dinner, what do you serve and what kind of entertainment would you provide?

Oh goodness. For starters I can only cook one thing, West African Peanut Soup and that's probably not what I'd wanna serve him because we only have one bathroom. So I think I'd leave this in the hands of my husband, who can whip up anything really. I know Mr. Lynch is partial to Bob' Big Boy so perhaps we'd just serve plates of greasy bacon, eggs, pancakes, hash browns and toast. As far as entertainment is concerned, my first instinct would to have a regular three ring circus twirling about the dinner table; Monkeys wearing white clay masks with elongated noses, burlesque dancers shaking their business in our faces, somebody who knows magic fire tricks and could sit in a corner silent and still, shooting flames outta their hand with the snapping of their fingers and so on. However, I'd probably ignore the urge for theatrics and resign myself to a very quite, very entrenched evening of picking his brain. In all honesty, I don't think Mr. Lynch would have very much fun because he wouldn't be allowed to leave our home until he spelled out the entire season three of Twin Peaks for me, scene by scene. Maybe even season four. In fact I've already got the pliers, duct tape and ball gag.

Your blog sometimes celebrates sexuality. Do you think there a link between the darker side of sex and horror in general?

Absolutely. Hence the inclusion of such content on the site. That and the marriage between the two has always been a highly controversial, often hush hush aspect of the genre that frequently is only ever discussed or acknowledged by those that seek to condemn it. Well, I want to celebrate it. I think that that is possible without stepping over too many lines, even if certain lines sometimes need to be crossed for no other reason than it can be healthy to stop and ponder the darker, less seemly side of life sometimes. To take your torch to those shadows. It's there, it always has been and it always will be no matter how much censorship or letter writing campaigns you throw in its way. So why not examine that and dispense with the knee jerk judgements. That and quite frankly, I live for pushing certain people's buttons. Anytime a largely complacent, doe-eyed person crosses my path, I have this overwhelming urge to shake things up a bit. Does some of the art make you uncomfortable? Good. Does some of the art turn you on too? Awesome. That is the point. Look, I'm not attempting anything straightforward here, or rather there hasn't been an open dialogue on the site as far as feedback between the dealer (me) and the user (everyone else) is concerned. Whatever confrontational aspect the art possesses, the readership thus far has dealt with it privately. Add to that, the art in question isn't always nude bodies slathered in blood or gore. Some of them are just good, cheeky fun. Others are so under the radar I think that only certain fetishists will pick up on the purpose of their presence. For instance, sometime ago I posted a vintage photo of a fully dressed woman with her stockinged, high heel clad foot perfectly positioned a top a shovel as she hovers above an open grave. Now for many, the picture seems like just that, a fully dressed woman perhaps up to no good (made all the more apparent by the accompanying text) but nothing more. But for some, her very means of dress and position of dominance is incredibly sexually charged. It's certainly nothing new that I am attempting, I'm just openly and unabashedly nodding to it's ubiquity. It's present in most if not all horror films with an R rating. From the completely mundane T&A that you find in most hack n' slashes, to the more adult aimed, erotically tinged thrillers of the 90s (really just slasher films for yuppies in most cases) to just about everything that Clive Barker, David Cronenberg, Jess Franco, David Lynch or Takashi Miike has attached themselves to. Sexuality, much like Grim Reaper that haunts the sidelines of all horror films, never really leaves us.

As far as sexuality's importance or relevance within the horror genre is concerned, this is how I see it (if you will allow me to get pseudo-philosophical for a moment). Some years ago when I was being hopelessly undeveloped with my bottom of the barrel creativity, I was looking up at this antique, oil painting of Jesus that I had hung in my bathroom above the toilet bowl (it's very position should be enough of an indication as to where my beliefs lie) and I had the sudden urge to cover the majority of the thing in images of penises and vaginas (even though ultimately I didn't, as I recognized that my means and approach would just look infantile and amateurish). Despite what some may think though, the urge wasn't born out of some need to be crude or offensive. On the contrary, the spark stemmed from the exact opposite. I'd got to thinking about how most Christians, or most religious types claim to have this deep reverence for life (as we all should) and in their case, eternal life. But I've always found it funny that they would hold such a notion, eternal life, in such high regards when most can't even look life and where it begins for us all, right in the face. That's what the penises and vaginas were about. I just thought it silly to talk about living forever when you can't acknowledge the true forces that brought you into being in the first place.

Anyway, I guess as far as my personal outlook is concerned (and yes, this relates back to what I was just saying and I'll get to that in a moment), I've applied that particular thought process to horror over the years. I've never been one to watch scary movies and rejoice and applaud the brutality on screen. Sure, I'll get as excited over an excellently executed gore effect as the next fanboy, and I'll appreciate it if you make me squirm from the red stuff. But on a deeper level, the death and carnage I'm witnessing usually instills within me a sensation of loss (assuming the screenwriter or director has done their job and the characters are somewhat three dimensional). Which is a wonderful thing really, because outside of some weepy chick flicks, where else in cinema is the handling of such unavoidable human destruction seriously, and routinely dealt with? It's not in action films I'll say that much. When Bruce Willis or Jason Statham blows several hundred people away in one film, where was the respect and honor for human life presented in any way by the time the closing credits roll? When throughout do they ever pause and with any recognizable human emotion, reflect about the heartache that has been wrought? They don't because it wouldn't be an action film if they did. That's pixalated dead bodies, video game nonsense. That's modern warfare propaganda. With the horror genre, when someone dies, when someone is lost, there are real consequences to that within the story for our characters. Our protagonists don't light a cigarette and swagger off into the sunset all cocky and proud of themselves when and if they vanquish the villain (unless of course, you're Bruce Campbell). No, they are oftentimes broken or destroyed as a result of what they endured. The lives that have been lost in the 90 minutes we just sat through carry a real weight for our hero or heroine. Death, as it is in real life, is ugly, messy and it's accompanied by much screaming and hysterics and sorrow. Which brings us back to my philosophy about sexuality's place within the genre. I feel as though if one is to respect the presence of death in horror films, in all its incarnations and visages, if you are to feel the gravity of it, you must respect life somewhere along the line. There is no weight or horror from death unless you cherish life, and much like the content of the bad art I almost made so long ago, you cannot cherish life without celebrating the very act that creates it. I think the two are eternally intertwined. Linked, whether we know it sometimes or not. Surely I'm not the only person that gets the sudden urge following a funeral to just grab someone and wrap my naked body around theirs and just sweat and thrust and feel ALIVE! It's one of the few natural acts that many of us employ, unconsciously or not, to fight back against our own mortality. To push back against death, to deny it, even if in the end we all lose. Anyway, that's my personal philosophy about it.

Do you think horror films in general speak to the disenfranchised?

Without a doubt. First off, the people who create them many times seemed to have had awkward childhoods, so that little seed is already planted right there. I'm not saying bad childhoods, just awkward. Many of them (and us) were the "weird" children down the block. This was all a misunderstanding of course, many didn't know what to make of us and wrote us off as strange. We just liked scary things more than most is all. This was a never ending "problem" for me when I was growing up. Add that to being gay in a small town and I just wanted to escape into horror films all the more, where the creatures were as freakish as I felt. It can be a life lived in solitude, in our our heads and wonderful imaginations and that just naturally leads to feelings of disenfranchisement, of being cut off from everybody else. Whether you be gay, transgendered, black, white, brown, or just a nerd, whatever it is that made people give you a hard time, who among us can't relate to the misunderstood "monster"? From Frankenstein's monster to vampires to Carrie to May and little picked on Jason Voorhees, the horror genre is THEE genre for outcasts. We celebrate them, honor them, give them half-baked motivations in an effort to understand them. Our heroines even tend to be rejects, oftentimes shy, reserved, virginal or saddled with a traumatized back story that has left them scarred and removed from the rest of society in some way. It could be seen as the genre of victimization, but the end message is almost always a positive one of triumph over terrifying odds, the opposite of victimization. Wherein our put upon hero rises up and vanquishes the snarling, blood hungry metaphors for society's ills, the very things that have seeked to hold him or her back, or end them entirely. Or society's meat grinder if you will. The genre's monsters may be there to scare us, but I think most of us suspect that underneath the glowing red eyes, or behind the mask, there is a little bit of each of us. Which is the duality, we recognize the "oppressor" and the "oppressed" and often times the role reversals they go through, oftentimes relating to both as many times the oppressed become the oppressors later on in life. Many of us can understand that bitterness, that pain with little to no explanation needed as it's amazing what some people endure; the unbelievable cruelty and heartache that is so prominent in the world. Sometimes I think that that is merely our lives thrown up there on screen. Metaphorically speaking of course.

Your blog ran a countdown to Scream 4 – was it worth the wait, what did you think of the film in general?

That was a lot of fun to do, really nostalgic. Reaching back into '96, '97 and 2001 (the release dates of the first three), I was shocked at how much useless "Scream" related trivia was cluttering up my brain space but it certainly came in handy when I was writing all those articles. Though I can't say (what with an at times demanding home life), I'm eager to start another countdown for anything anytime soon. As far as whether or not it was all worth it, or more specifically, was the wait for "Scream 4" worth it, I'd have to say...partially, on both counts. The film itself presented quite a conundrum for me as a critic. On one hand, I enjoyed myself immensely with each viewing (I had to see it 3 times to suss out my feelings about it). I thought it was fun and sassy and possessed a wicked mean streak, a really good time. On the other hand, my criticisms (mostly related to the script and it's paired down running time, which was heavily edited) were legion and at odds with my aforementioned enjoyment. It walked like a "Scream" film, it talked like a "Scream" film, but I felt a lot of elements were lacking and that review, my God, that review had to be one of the most frustrating things I've ever tackled. Discussing films within films within films that are remakes, reboots, retellings of previous "Scream" films. Murders that are copycats of movies which are retellings of murders. I got it all, but trying to explain the various, clever plot threads whose tentacles stretch back over a decade in printed form without the whole piece ending up a corpulent mess was a real headache. As far as the countdown. Well, despite my...I'd say passing enjoyment of "Scream 4", I felt like the countdown amounted to a whole lot of nothing in the end. It was meant as a build up to something quite monumental so that was a bad call on my part. It was the cock tease of 2011. In my heart, when I decided to run a countdown, it was for an imagined, hypothetical film that was going to be a whole helluva lot more groundbreaking than what we got. My deepest wish was that "Scream 4" would turn the mainstream, Hollywood financed horror industry on it's head all over again. I wasn't hoping for another glut teen slasher films mind you (even though that is probably what we would have got), but a changing tide of some sort. A diversion away from remakes and rehashes, or as I like to call them, whore copies, at the very least. But alas it wasn't to be as I think "Scream 4" has been certified a bomb now and it certainly didn't make any ripples that I've detected.

In your roundup of the “worst films of 2010” you sited Skyline. I loved that movie, but I know most found it lacking. Why do you suppose certain genre films cause such extreme reactions either positive or negative, with no in-between?

Well with "genre anything", be it horror or science fiction or fantasy, you are dealing with the fanboy contingent and their preponderance with obsession tends to make them a vocal lot. Even when it's not something that they are entirely in love with, they already know how to argue their hundred and one reasons as to why something is "great" or a "masterpiece". They can be quite formidable to go head to head with about anything. I worked in a comic book shop for about year not to long ago, with a staff of about 30 working in the shipping department and those boys could really go at it sometimes, bless them (I only vaguely knew what they were talking about most times, but it was entertaining to listen to). I think with our particular sub-culture, the sub-culture of geekdom, what you occasionally have are very intelligent, very bright people who haven't necessarily had the most fulfilling of social lives sometimes (which is fine) and have built up a lot of love and loyalty for things that have substituted for actual fullfillment elsewhere in life. God knows I've done it throughout some of the harder patches in my life (I could probably quote every episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer from beginning to end, as a result). Anyway, I think that that particular, pre-existing way of living just naturally lends itself to being protective of things that bring us happiness. I think that those fanboy obsessions sometimes have been the safe and protective cushioning that we have built up around some of our childhood wounds. Some of those fictional, fantastical worlds have been our salvation sometimes.They have been for me anyway. They're comforting for us and they have treated us well and so we're very guarded with them. If you are a horror nut, your kinda use to not being excepted as you are, you are use to having to defend much of what interests you from grade school onwards. The great thing is though once you get older nobody but Focus on the Family gives a shit and you are left with some really great debate skills. Even if it's for a shitty movie like Skyline (love ya Pax). Other than that, human beings don't agree on anything ever anyway. I'm certainly an argumentative fella through and through.

Finally, what do you want the world to know about Justin?

What indeed. Hmm, well I've run the gamut as far as what I've wanted pursue with horror over the decades. I spent the better half of my teen years convinced I was destined to be an author but realized later on down the line that I wasn't very good at it. Likewise, I experienced a short bout of wanting to make horror movies. I still kinda do. However, I deduced early on that I didn't have it in me to play the Hollywood game of ladder climbing and ass kissing. Really perhaps I just wasn't ambitious enough, but I think I'm just too nice a guy to be vicious on a set when need be, play hard ball with studio execs or tolerate or humor exaggerated, monstrous celebrity. Plus, I can't imagine living in a city where everybody is there pursuing the exact same dream. I imagine that would get quite boring and tiresome really fast. I need variety in company.

As far as as the here and now is concerned, I'm busy having fun with The October Country. My initial aspirations for the site seem to be a bit bigger than what one man is capable of pulling off though. Which was a downer when that realization set in. However, I've been talking with people here and there and seeing if they might like to come aboard and contribute so that it's content can expand. We'll see how that goes I guess.

All of that and I intend to do my very best at getting the world to view our beloved genre with the seriousness and respect that I think that it deserves, which has become kinda hard again considering some of films that have been getting released of late. Or rather, the films that have been getting released to cineplexes nation wide. But then people shouldn't slight an entire genre because of the greedy, number crunching idiots sitting at the top and currently pulling the strings. Hopefully horror will always be the black sheep of the creative universe, I hope that never changes no matter how successful it becomes at the boxoffice. When things become too mainstream and popular, you end up with what we've had these past couple years coming out of Hollywood; watered down whore copies streamlined for mass consumption. The same 'ol thing time and time again wherein nobodies buttons are getting pushed in anyway meaningful. That's not the job of the genre, to lay there flaccid and ineffective. Horror is meant to make you feel uncomfortable. This doesn't mean that it must disgust you, it can achieve this oftentimes on a purely emotional level. But it's meant to shake you one way or the other. This unique side to our genre, which really no other genre has, is something that I think deserves serious respect. Where else can filmmakers routinely have a conversation with their audience about subject matter oftentimes deemed too dark to be discussed? Metaphorically and thinly veiled of course but discussed nonetheless. The horror genre isn't trash, it can be cinema. Horror fiction can be literature. If I change just a handful of minds and they in turn continue the argument, I'll be satisfied.

Also, all the while people have been bemoaning their belief that the genre has sucked of late, I think that many of them have failed to notice that that statement couldn't be further from the truth. Because, (and seemingly this has always been the case) the films that are contenders to be considered classics later on down the line, films like "Martyrs", "The House of the Devil", "Frozen", "Antichrist" and so many more, have all come out of the independent world. They haven't garnered the exposure of films like Nic Cage's "Season of the Witch", "Skyline" or "Legion". Which goes to show that the more things change the more they stay the same. The majority of movies that we now know are masterpieces, movies like Carpenter's "Halloween", Romero's original Dead trilogy, Hooper's "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" and hundreds upon hundreds of others, all came from the indie world and if they were released today, would likewise probably play 5 select cities and then go straight to DVD. I guess I'm just trying to urge people who think horror is in dire straits to get off their butts and do the leg work required to really track down the worthwhile titles. Stop allowing yourselves to be spoon-fed the dreck that Hollywood is trying to distract and disappoint you with. Don't give up on the genre because the good stuff is always out there. That's my other goal, to get more people to open their eyes to this amazing world of cinema that decidedly is not being shown in 3-D. I guess I'm a man on a mission these days.

Actor, Author, Monster, Gay Icon: Thomas Tryon

2011-06-06T21:14:00.000-04:00

From Last June - Some Gay Horror History:

Actor, author, bon vivant ; Thomas Tryon lived the kind of life most have only dreamed of.

After a stint in the armed services , Tryon entered Yale University where he studied art history. Shortly thereafter, he switched his major to acting and eventually found his way to the stage. In a few short years, Tryon lucked out and made his way to films. In spite of his good looks, and decent acting abilities, Tryon had to muddle through taking roles in several horror / sci-fi / b-films.

One of Tryon's most infamous roles was that of Bill Farell, an alien passing as a red blooded All American Male in I Married A Monster From Outer Space.

Bill's wife (Gloria Talbot) realizes rather quickly, that her hunky hubby might have a secret. He does not drink, smoke, or like sports - he's just not like the husbands of her friends...and since this was the 50's there could only be two reasons for a man acting this way, he's either a commie or a monster!

Considering the theme of this film, and the fact that Tryon was a gay man, he probably incorporated his real life dilemma (trying to pass as a straight man) into the way he played Bill Farell, who, after all, was trying to pass himself off as something he really was not.

After Monster..., Tryon landed less flamboyant roles in more mainstream films. Two roles that brought him a lot of notoriety were in the World War II themed films, In Harm's Way and The Longest Day.

Tyron almost ended up making a film with Marilyn Monroe when he was cast with her in the film, Something's Got to Give, however, when Monroe dropped out of the film, it was recast and Tryon was dropped.

Tryon's swan song in cinema came after he was constantly humiliated by Director (and noted son of a bitch) Otto Preminger on the set of the film, The Cardinal. Even though he garnered a Golden Globe nomination for his performance in this film, Tryon, thanks to the bullying of his director, soured on acting and turned to writing.

In 1971, Tryon published, The Other, a terrifying tale of a little boy and his "twin" brother who wreak havoc on a small farm in rural Minnesota in 1935. The book was later made into a film (with Tryon penning the screen play).

The follow up to The Other was Harvest Home, a phenomenally disturbing tale about a New York City couple and their young daughter who pull up stakes and settle down in the bucolic hamlet of Cornwall Coombe Connecticut only to discover that the quaint village has a deep dark, pagan secret.

Over the years, Thomas Tryon moved on from the macabre and started publishing more mainstream novels including the celebrated collection of novella's Crowned Heads, and Lady.

Writing proved to be a perfect fit for Tryon, who, as the 70's progressed, became more comfortable in his skin, and while he never openly proclaimed his sexuality, he seemed to be coming to terms with who he really was...to a point.

Always seen at the best clubs, discos and art openings in Gotham, Tryon began dating men in the arts - a long term relationship occurred when he met, Cal Culver (who was known to gay porn fans as Casey Donovan) - the duo continued a high profile relationship for several years, until Tryon grew weary of his partner's notoriety , and how it might hurt his career as a mainstream novelist. The monster was still not strong enough to break out of the closet, it seemed.

Thomas Tryon continued writing up until his death in 1991 from Cancer, he was 61 when he died.

At the time of his death, Tryon had just finished, Night Magic, a modern re-telling of The Sorcerer's Apprentice with a much darker undertone as the book's hero not only must choose between fame and his immortal soul, he must also choose between a malevolent but fascinating older man, or the love of a decent girlfriend. It would seem that even in his twilight years, Tryon was still struggling with that same monster he had confronted many years earlier.

Profiles in Horror : Patrick Campbell, The Work in Progress.

2011-06-05T07:20:00.000-04:00

Known for his minimalist blog, the late lamented, Stabbing Stabbing Stabbing, Patrick Campbell is the kind of guy who can watch almost a half a dozen films in a day and have an opinion on each one. Having recently made peace with his sexuality as well as his spirituality, Patrick is a work in progress. Be warned, I’ve read this guy’s writing; if he ever buckles down to it, he is probably going to set the literary and critical world on fire.

Patrick, What drew you to horror films? Was it a gradual thing, or were you fond of the macabre as a child?

Aside from The Nightmare Before Christmas and my brother's lucky find of Poltergeist at a book sale, not much horror as (a) young one. My teen years brought in more, and then there was conservative Catholicism, and then I watched like crazy.

I understand that you recently returned to Catholicism, do you ever find your spirituality at odds with your enjoyment of horror films?

Not really, no. I'm really open minded, don't care what path you take as long as it's a healthy one. If God's sending me to simmer for eternity for watching horror movies, then I really don't know God.

Let’s talk ex Catholic to current Catholic, what did you REALLY think of The Exorcist and its portrayal of The Church?

I think it portrays evil realistically and shows Priests as they really are, human. I'd recommend it to the religious, non-religious, sorta-religious, etc.

What is your all time favorite horror film, and why.

Friday the 13th, 1980 one. I've seen a lot of times and never been disappointed with it, it kick started my favorite horror film series, and it has my favorite slasher villain. No, not the one in the lake.

Since you identify as bisexual this will be a two part question:
A – What Scream Queen or Final Girl would you most like to date (not the actress, the character)
B – What Horror Movie Hunk would you most like to date (not the actor, the character).

Oh good gravy. Um, for A I'll choose Sidney Prescott. She's dealt with a lot of people who have a lot of problems. She might be able to put up with me, and she'd kick my ass if I deserved it. I haven't seen Scream 4 so this is based on Scream 1-3 Sidney. She may have become an alien in the fourth for all I know.

For B, Friday the 13th's Steve Christy. For the facial hair alone.

Do you think horror films in general speak to the disenfranchised?

Um, yes, they tend to focus on people who don't fit in with what's considered average society. And judging by their popularity, there's a lot of disenfranchised folks out there.

OK, you get a call from the Vatican, Pope Benedict is coming over. What do you serve for dinner, and what horror film do you show him?

Um, oh boy. Is there any way to answer this and not actually receive a call from the Vatican? We're having pizza, who doesn't like pizza. And we're watching Rosemary's Baby. What can I say, he is my Pope, but we're not friends, and if I'm getting kicked out, might as well leave with knowing the Pope's expression if he did watch Rosemary's Baby.

Finally, what do you want the world to know about Patrick Campbell?

I'm a work in progress, and I hope the final art piece is a good one.

Profiles In Horror : Chris Moore, The Entertainer

2011-06-03T21:40:00.001-04:00

Director, singer, performer, student, artistic-provocateur; Chris Moore defies description, and dislikes labels. With one full length horror film already under his belt (well before the age of 30). Moore is one of those those guys who seems destined for big things. I can honestly say, that I find Chris to be an interesting guy with a future in front of him so bright, he’ll probably have have to wear shades.

Pull up a seat and meet a guy who loves blood and gore, as well as a good showtune.

Chris, I already know that you have a love for musical theater, comedy and music in general – where did the love of horror come from?

I think the love of horror really came from my love of fairy tales back in the day. I was never a fan of the glossy, sugary Disney versions, although I did enjoy them an awful lot. What I remember most are the countless volumes of these stories that I'd check out at my local library. The REAL versions! The Grimm brothers versions! I just loved the villains. They were so much more dimensional than the heroes and heroines. Even before I knew what real horror was, I was drawn to stories like that. The first horror films I can remember seeing all the way through were Psycho and House of Wax when I was around 5 or 6 years old. Before then, if I saw a poster, video tape, or a TV spot for a horror film, I'd rush out of the room, terrified, and then have nightmares about it for weeks.

What would you consider your favorite horror film and why.

Wow! That's a tough one! So many to pick from! I guess I'd have to say Halloween. I know it by heart. It was one of the first horror films I ever saw (the week before Halloween on USA Network! I can remember it vividly!) I just love the atmosphere, the pacing, the music, and the diverse selection of characters. Everyone knows a Laurie, a Dr. Loomis, an Annie, a Lynda, etc. It's such a relatable film on so many levels. I always felt a little bit like a Laurie Strode with a little Annie Brackett thrown in, of course. Even in a crowd, I sometimes feel alone. I think everyone can identify with that. I've also had a group of friends where I'd stop and think "Why am I with these people? I mean, I like 'em and all, but we're such a strange group!" Plus, I'm sarcastic like Annie and a lot of people around me don't seem to get that. I think lots of people find me cold because I'm a mix or those two. Shy, reserved...but also loud, opinionated, and a little bit of a smart ass!

If you could adapt a horror film and turn it into a big Broadway musical, which would it be? And who would you cast (other than yourself)?

A Broadway horror musical, eh? Gee, Officer Krupke, I don't know! I always felt that Flowers in that Attic might make a good musical, but is that really horror? Hmmm...maybe Pieces if it was staged in an over the top manner! I'd love to hear a big, belty 11 o'clock number called "BASTARD!" C'mon, that would be gold! I'm glad they're bringing back Carrie: The Musical, though. I think with a few tweaks here and there, it could be a hit! The music is gorgeous! Actually, What Ever Happened To Baby Jane? would be GREAT for a musical! It just came to me!

Your feature film, Perversion , had a very 1970’s vibe to it. Was that intentional? Are you a fan of 70’s cinema in general?

Oh, it was totally intentional! I LOVE 70's cinema! There was such a great "anything goes" vibe to the films of that time period. You could make a film about anything, get it financed, and shown in theaters and drive-ins all around the world. It was a very creative time for filmmakers and they were able to break a lot of barriers and taboos because there were no rules anymore. The studio system had collapsed, so there was no one to say "No! That topic is too hot button!" or "No one wants to see a film about people like that!" It was a terrific time. Plus, the gritty aesthetic is something I like a lot.

Perversion also had a very homoerotic vibe to it. Was that intentional as well, or was it something that just occurred as your worked on the script?

Perversion was originally written with a female lead in mind, but as I was going into the 2nd act, I realized no girl I knew would do this film. And then it hit me! If it was a guy, it would be a million times more disturbing, because no one's used to seeing a guy in jeopardy, especially that kind of sexual jeopardy. I thought it would be fun to play with that and see how an audience would respond. I've seen it with a few different audiences and it's a fascinating experience. I don't think the film would have stood out as much had it just been another "female in jeopardy" film. It would have been old hat, but by simply subverting the audience's expectations, it became something far more interesting.

Are you going to do anymore horror films, or are you planning to strike out in a totally different direction?

I'd love to do more horror films. It's my favorite genre. I'm actually working on a script right now that deals with some other hot button issues. It's about bullying and how it can go too far. It has a sort of Prom Night-esque feel to it. People think it's going to be a typical slasher/revenge film, but it veers off into a different direction and shows how the bullies really feel about what they've done to this poor kid. It's got a pretty sick sense of humor, too, which is what I'm starting to get known for. It's a very dark concept, so I'm trying to help lighten it up a bit, y'know! I'd love to do some more comedy! I love comedy! It's so much fun to play! Acting wise, that's my favorite genre, cause I'm such a goofball, but writing wise, my comedy, like I said, is very dark and twisted. I'm really open for anything right now. A good drama would be fantastic. Or a musical. Always up for a musical. Hey, Mr. Sondheim, give me a call!

Do you think that horror films in general speak to the disenfranchised?

I think horror films totally speak to the disenfranchised. Look at something like Carrie or May. These are profoundly beautiful and moving films where the characters are feeling what most of us have felt at least a few times in our lives. We just want to be noticed. I think that's what all humans want. It's basic and simple. It all comes down to wanting other people to realize they exist. Horror films give a lot of people a way to see that they're not alone. It's kinda beautiful when you think about it. Sure, some of those characters don't win in the end, but it at least puts the spotlight on those wallflower type characters. I wish I knew why I was drawn to these films. It's hard to describe. Believe it or not, I wasn't always the sultry sexpot you see before you today. LOL! I felt very isolated and alone. While I never had any real enemies until I went to an arts college (you don't even have to be looking for them for them to find you there), most of my friends moved away, transferred to different schools, etc. It's hard having your best friends leave you like that. You start to feel alone. I was never that cool , mainly because I was never good at sports in school, although I tried very hard for a few years. Funnily enough, I now enjoy playing sports every now and then. Isn't it hilarious how now, when I don't need them as a social crutch, I enjoy them? I also stuttered, as well, so that never helps! I still don't understand what caused it. Some found it cute, but I just found it annoying. My mind was working faster than my mouth. Maybe that means I'm some kind of genius, huh? One can only wish! I think horror films let me see that maybe I don't have it as bad as I think I do. Plus, they're fantasy films! They take you away into a different world for two hours. What's wrong with that? We all need a little break every now and then.

OK, this is a question that only you could answer: A knife fight between Ethel Merman’s Mama Rose and Bette Davis', Baby Jane Hudson – who gets cut?

Ethel Vs Bette? Oh, my! Well, you know that the real Rose Hovick actually did kill someone and buried her on her farm. I think she was a lesbian, too! I think they should do a sequel to Gypsy and show that stuff. It would be fascinating. As for a fight? Well, Rose was a strong dame! Poor Jane was so in her own world that Rose might very well be able to take her down. She'd at least talk her ears off until she got what she wanted. Rose was far more verbally violent, whereas Jane always seemed more unhinged. She'd probably the one doing the cutting, but I'm sure Rose would cut right back!

Finally, here is your chance, what do you want the world to know about Chris Moore?

What do I want people to know about me? Well, I guess that I'm loyal. Pretty much, pay me a compliment or do something nice for me and you're my friend for life. I love chicken 'n dumplings! I'm a good ol' Southern boy, so my taste in food is pretty simple:if it's fried, I'll probably like it. Except fried Twinkies or (in Oprah voice) deeeeeeppp frrrrriiieeeddd buuuuttttteeeeer! That's just nasty as Hell! I went to a state fair with my friends last year and they had a whole booth of deep friend everything. Even deep fried, chocolate covered bacon! Yeeeesh! Anyway, I'm obsessed with the TV show Gilmore Girls! I think Lauren Graham and I would be a very cute couple! It's my dream to one day play Rose in Gypsy, although it will never happen, as I'm not a big fan of drag. I'm hoping they'll make a version of the show with a Papa Ross instead. It's possible, right? I'm a Stephen Sondheim freak! I love that man. He's a total genius. I have to work with him one day. If I did, I could die happy! I've got a great little YouTube review vlog called Confessions of A Horror Baby, which is coming back this month, where I review the best, worst, and most ridiculously weird films I can find. I work in skits, musings, and the occasional musical number in there. It's a lot of fun! Everyone should check it out! I really just want to get my name out there and have people enjoy my films and my performances. I want to be employed! I'll take anything I can get! Low budget, big budget, birthday parties, weddings, strip clubs, etc.! It's always been my secret dream to be one of those big cult movie stars like Mary Woronov, Joe Dallesandro, Divine, Mink Stole, Pia Zadora, etc. It'd like to at least get to a level of mainstream success where I don't have to worry about money ever again and just do great b-movies for the rest of my career. In the next few years, don't be surprised to see me whoring myself out in movies like High School Musical 6 or on T.V. shows like Gossip Girl. I need the money to make good movies! I just want to entertain! Always have, always will!

GET A COPY OF PERVERSION CLICK HERE!

Monster Empathy

2011-06-02T17:15:00.002-04:00

Kicking off Gay Pride Month with a little something I wrote last year.

I always pitied monsters. The Frankenstein Monster, shuffling about looking for acceptance; vampires, driven by an unquenchable thirst, never allowed to walk in the sunlight; werewolves, cursed to morph into savage beasts; even the lowly zombie, denied a final rest and made to just shamble about craving human flesh.

The empathy I felt towards these fantastic creatures, was that, through no fault of their own, they were scorned, hated and hunted.

Growing up gay, I related to that.

Through no fault of my own, I happened to be sexually attracted to members of my own sex. Therefore, much like other monsters, I had to hide who I really was and put on a mask so that I could blend in with society . I was made to question my self worth when I overheard kids in my high school make "fag" jokes. I was lucky, in that my mask rarely slipped in those days, and most people were pretty clueless as to who I really was.

I searched for acceptance, I looked high and low for someone or something that would tell me that I was not a monster. Unfortunately, I was a teenager in the mid 1970's - and since I was not living in San Francisco at the time, acceptance of anything out of the ordinary was not the norm - I don't think that younger generations realize what it really was like back then - they seem to have been sold a romanticized version of the disco decade. Trust me, it was not one long party at Studio 54.

I found solace in two things back in those days. The Village Voice ( a New York City weekly newspaper that was sold at a local store), and horror films. That might seem an odd combination to a burgeoning gay man, but trust me, those two things saved my sanity.

The Village Voice, covered a lot of gay and lesbian events and stories, and did it in a non-judgmental, even celebratory style - I would dream that someday I would be living a Care Free Gay Life in Greenwich Village, far from the shackles and expectations of suburban South Jersey.

Meanwhile, I'd spend a lot of time seeking out horror films; and since this was in the pre-cable, pre-vcr, pre-dvd, pre-internet days - you really had to seek out films, and then go to theaters or drive-ins to see them. And I did!

While my gay Brethren might have been worshiping at the altar of Bette Midler or Liza Minnelli, I was taking communion at the Churches of George A Romero, Brian DePalma and David Cronenberg - my bibles consisted of the early works of Stephen King and a magazine called, Famous Monsters of Filmland.

I'd always enjoyed horror movies, even as a kid, but when I got older I was addicted. I can clearly recall seeing more than six or seven films in a given week some times. Carrie really blew me away. I must have seen it ten times when it first came out - and it was easy to understand the draw (a put upon high school student achieves bloody revenge on her tormentors). In short, horror films and literature afforded me the escape (and the occasional cathartic experience) from the world I found myself trapped in.

As I grew older (and more comfortable in my skin), and started dating - I had one prerequisite: Must Love Horror Films. Really, I mean if I was seeing someone and he could not understand the joy of being terrified at a mall full of shuffling zombies, or watching Jamie Lee Curtis fight off a masked mad man with a set of knitting needles, then what was the point? Everything else was just gravy.

These days, I still love horror films, but my partner of these past 13 years can't abide them (go figure), I guess that just proves that true love conquers all. But imagine my surprise when I started this blog and found hundreds of other gay guys who love the horror genre - it's nice to know that there are so many of us out there; all of those beautiful monsters, no longer hiding in the dark, no longer lurking in the shadows...now if we could only have the right to marry - but that's another story.

Gay Pride Month at Billy Loves Stu

2011-06-01T19:39:00.000-04:00

It's Gay Pride Month again, bitches, and as such, we will be rolling out the rainbow welcome mat to all kinds of fellow Homos who Love Horror (as well as a few of the Non Homos who Love Them). In the next few weeks you'll find some interviews, articles and maybe a couple of surprises. If you want to be part of this celebration of Gay Horror, drop me a line at paxromano@gmail.com.

To Live and Dine in L.A. : THE PERFECT HOST

2011-05-30T19:52:00.000-04:00

Nick Tomnay's, The Perfect Host is a clever little thriller that serves up twists, shocks and even a few laughs.

Clayne Crawford plays John Taylor, a charismatic criminal who is trying to outrun the law after he pulls off a daring mid-day bank hold- up. Realizing that the police are hot on his trail, our bad boy worms his way into the swanky Bel Air home of Warwick Wilson (David Hyde Pierce), a seemingly fastidious man planning a dinner party. Initially, John misrepresents himself as a friend of a friend whose luggage was lost at the airport but eventually Warwick discovers who Wilson really is...and then the fun begins.

The secret to enjoying The Perfect Host, is to know as little about it as possible, and so, I will not reveal anything more about the plot here. Suffice to say, if you like mind games, turned tables, red herrings and surprising twists and turns, this one is for you.

Major kudos to the principals; Hyde Pierce is a revelation as the titular character, and if you only know him as Frazier Crane's fussy brother, prepare to be pleasantly surprised (that said, there is something of Niles Crane in Warwick Wilson, but that's just the tip of this iceberg, baby). Meanwhile, Clayne Crawford plays the hell out of John Taylor...is he a desperado, a dupe, a sociopath, or just a love-sick guy who made a foolish choice? Well, you'll have to watch the film to decide.

Finally, in taking the theme of a so called "home invasion" and turning it on it's ear, The Perfect Host is a welcome piece of intelligent, witty, and bloody fabulous film making.

The Perfect Host is currently On Demand and hits theaters later in June.

He Was Legend

2011-05-27T21:40:00.001-04:00

NOTE: This was originally posted in 2007 right before the remake of I Am Legend was released. I am dusting it off and re-posting it in honor of what would be Mr. Price's 100th Birthday:

This weekend the fan-boys and girls will be flocking to their local cineplex to bask in the latest bastardization of a classic story; I Am Legend, re-imagined, and reworked for the MTV generation - complete with a tacked on happy ending (or so I hear).

If you've ever read Richard Matheson's chilling novella about a scientist who inexplicably survives a plague that leaves the rest of humanity either dead or turned into vampire-like creatures, you know what a powerful but ultimately, depressing tale Legend truly is.

The story was adapted twice before it's current incarnation as Will Smith's latest blockbuster - in 1971 it was presented as, The Omega Man ( a dreadful adaptation that stared Charlton Heston), and prior to that it was released as The Last Man on Earth in 1964 and stared the quintessential sci-fi/horror thespian of all time, Mr. Vincent Price.

Born into a wealthy family from St. Louis Missouri in 1911, Price began his acting career in the late 1930s and was celebrated for his rather urbane style. He made several films with screen beauty, Gene Tierney including the melodrama, Laura, and the forerunner to Fatal Attraction; Leave Her To Heaven.

But for most of us, Vincent Price will always be remembered for his numerous roles in horror and science fiction. From The Fly to Dr. Phibes, Price seemed at home in morbid cinematic offerings, whether he was playing the villain or the victim.

So what are we doing celebrating Mr. Price on a "queer horror film blog"? Because, rumors concerning his sexuality were rampant thorough out his life. And though he married three times (not that means anything at all - Hello, Tom Cruise); there are stories that many in the business assumed he was gay.

Of course it might be all circumstantial; but what circumstances. For instance:

* Price's former gardener was none other than gay porn star, Fred Halstead.

* His third wife, Coral Brown, was said to have been an infamous 'fag hag', and was rumored to be a lesbian as well.

* Price's daughter, Victoria, (an out lesbian) has acknowledged that her father's sexuality was often discussed in Hollywood, though she indicates that she has never met anyone who could concretely answer the question concerning the subject.

* According to Victoria, when Price got older, a group of mostly gay men became his care-givers.

The world will probably never know the real story about this genteel man who collected art, was an accomplished cook (he published several cook books), and, from all accounts, was a genuinely nice guy.

What we are left with is an impressive body of film work that ranges from the sublime to the ridiculous, several recordings (including voice overs for pop songs from both Alice Cooper and Michael Jackson) , and countless television appearances.

The last time America saw Vincent Price on the silver screen was in Edward Scissorhands where he played the kindly old inventor who was about to give Edward a heart made from a cookie, but before he could do this, his character died. - An appropriate final act from a man who gave so much of his own heart.

Gay or straight, Vincent Price was one of a kind. He Was Legend.

Be It Ever So Convoluted : HOUSE

2011-05-21T21:49:00.000-04:00

Directed by Robby Henson, 2008's House is a great big mess of a movie that will either win the viewer over despite it's numerous flaws, or leave them hurling the DVD into a garbage can.

A young couple are driving the back-roads of Alabama when they have a blow out and are left stranded.

With no mobile phone signal available (of course) , they traipse through the woods until they come upon a big spooky house (cue the thunder and lightning). Once inside, they meet another stranded couple, as well as the creepy caretakers of the old dark house (Leslie Easterbrook - who is quickly becoming this generation's Shelly Winters; Bill Mosley - whose charms I have yet to fully understand; and Lew Temple play a lite version of The Firefly family, or maybe the Texas Chainsaw clan - you'll have them pinned as weirdos within a heartbeat).

But an old dark house, and a somewhat sinister family is just the start! We've also got a masked killer, a little ghost girl (who sort of looks like Samara from The Ring, but has a much better temper), portals to different places of existence, and a Satanic cult!

While it would be easy to tear this film apart, I found myself enjoying it. Despite the Rob Zombie-like-vibe the film maker was going for, House feels much more like something that might have come out before we all became jaded - in fact it even has a happy ending (but not without a rather predictable twist tacked on).

This is a popcorn movie, kids. Turn it on, turn your brain off, and sit back and enjoy yourself.

Horror Movie DILF : The Car

2011-05-16T08:55:00.000-04:00

Name : Wade Parent

Occupation: Sheriff of Santa Ynez, Utah.

Family: Divorced, ex-wife's name unknown. Daughters, Lynn Marie & Debbie.

Why is he a DILF? : Because he sports a porn stache, wears Aqua Velva, drinks a bit too much, is bitter over his divorce, recklessly drives a dirt bike...and yet, despite all of this, he's a caring father to his two little girls and devoted to his girlfriend (the local marching band coach, Lauren).

And then, when a demonic coupe begins to terrorize his town, Sheriff Parent gets it together, and along with his posse of fellow law men, leads the Satanic sedan to a fiery end.

Played by: James Brolin

Grindhouse - Outhouse: DOGHOUSE

2011-05-08T18:57:00.000-04:00

2009's Doghouse is about a recently divorced Brit licking his wounds, and his mates who decide to take him on a get-away weekend in the country.

With an opening ripped directly from the style book of Guy Ritchie, and a liberal nod to Shaun of the Dead, Doghouse begins on a promising note, but quickly falls apart.

Early on we are made to understand that each of these guys is living with a woman who is a harridan - and the one gay guy in the group is living with his stereotypically bitchy, needy boyfriend. OK, message received: All Women are Bitches, All Gay Boyfriends, The Same.

Offended yet? I was.

The fellows are all portrayed as man/boys. Moronic half wits who can't commit to anything other than their relationship to each other, beer and their libidos.

So eventually, the guys end up in a secluded hamlet deep in the English woods, all of the men in this town are missing and all of the women have turned into flesh eating zombies. That's right, big breasted, shrieking zombies - oh and look, the first ghoul shown is a bride! Gee, what's that supposed to represent?

Loaded with misogynistic, homophobic, sophomoric wit, Doghouse thinks it's a smart throwback to grindhouse when actually it's more like a trip to the outhouse.

You Belong to Me

2011-04-30T19:38:00.002-04:00

2007's You Belong to Me, is a film I had never heard of before last night. I stumbled across it on Netflix and figured I'd give it a look-see. Frankly, I was pleasantly surprised. What begins like another low-budget-indie-gay-themed film quickly morphs into a creepy, claustrophobic thriller that includes elements of Misery, Rosemary's Baby and Rear Window.

When a lonely young man moves into an apartment building so that he can stalk a guy he had an unsuccessful one night stand with, he gets much more than he bargained for...and unless you want the entire surprise of this one spoiled, that's about as much of the plot as you're getting here!

Director Sam Zalutsky has crafted a film that has an honest to god, mid 70's, made-for-TV-horror film-vibe to it. And I say that as a compliment, becuase that's what makes You Belong to Me so much fun to watch. You don't want to come to this film expecting blood and guts (well, there is a little blood) or major shocks; but if you can surrender to the cheesy charms ( yes, cheesy charms), you will find yourself smack dab in the middle of a creepy thriller.

But a fascinating thing happens towards the film's ending when the villain reveals their motives and suddenly, the specter of the AIDS crisis swoops in and adds a rather horrific bit of shading to some of what we saw earlier in the movie. But fear not, the cheese factor is still strong enough so that You Belong to Me never even comes close to the heart-breaking realism of Philadelphia or Longtime Companion.

Finally, co-star Patti D'Arbanville is the heart and soul of You Belong to Me. The former Warhol Superstar and muse for Cat Stevens (oh yes, kids, that's a fact) is still a gorgeous woman with a considerable presence. After seeing her performance here, one can't help but imagine what she might accomplish in a big budget shocker. Or maybe John Waters could craft something perfect for her...ah, the mind boggles at the possibilities.

Hint: if this is your landlady, RUN!

Charlie Loves Jill: Scream 4

2011-04-23T10:21:00.000-04:00

Since there are approximately 4989598956989 reviews of Scream 4 out there, the last thing anyone needed was me waxing on about the latest installment of a film franchise that helped inspire the name of this very blog. No need for any of that, instead, please enjoy the following observations that struck as I was watching Scream 4.

The opening of this film is everything I want in a Scream movie; fast, funny, scary, creative, smart and surprising. Bravo to Wes Craven and company for giving me a brilliant ten minutes or so of twists and turns and fake outs and, finally, gore. Loved it!
I love Dewey Riley (David Arquette). And I love how his cell phone alarm was Axel F from Beverly Hills Cop.
Courtney Cox is actually a pretty decent comic actress.
Neve Campbell still looks great - what's this girl's secret?
Awww, it's great to see Sid, Gale and Dewey together again.
Damn, that second murder was pretty gruesome - disgusting in fact. I must be getting old, seeing the victims guts spilled out on her bed made my stomach turn.
Wow, lots of self referential stuff going on here - very clever, but if it goes on much longer, it could get irritating.
It just got irritating.
Hayden Panettiere's lesbian-hair-cut has made her a better actress, or she's taking acting lessons, damn she's actually very good!
Hold on, you've got Mary McDonnell in this movie as Sid's aunt (sister of her late mother) and you're not using her back story as one of the central plot points? What a waste. Stay away from the mail slot Mary!!!
Wait, one of the characters is actually gay, but we don't find out until a second before he's dead? What's up with that?
I can't figure out if Rory Culkin's eyes are beautiful, or scary, or just plain odd. Same thing with his hair.
Robert Rodriquez directed Stab, who knew?
OK, I understand the suspension of disbelief, but when I found out who one of the killer's was, my first thought was, but it looks like a good stiff wind would knock them to the ground, how could that person take down a full grown man?
Apparently, Charlie Loves Jill.
Much like the first ten minutes, the last fifteen minutes of Scream 4 are a blast. From the reveal, to another character's psychotic break causing that character to physically assault themselves, to Syd proudly showing the world what a real Final Girl is all about, to the fade out of talking heads reporting the wrong information to the news media.

Final verdict: This one is not a classic, it really does not bring much to the table. That said, it's a fun ride and you could do worse. Wait for the matinee though, I wouldn't pay full price.

Horror Movie DILF: The Last Exorcism

2011-04-19T22:43:00.001-04:00

Name: Reverend Cotton Marcus

Location: Baton Rouge, Louisiana

Occupation: Preacher, Faith Healer, Exorcist.

Family: Wife, Shanna. Son, Justin.

Why is he a DILF ?: Because he's a smooth talking charlatan who could charm a snake right out of his skin. One part Elmer Gantry, one part Marjoe Gortner, the good Reverend knows how to milk a scam like nobody's business. It does not matter if he's preaching about baking banana bread, or making a few bucks driving imaginary demons out of some country bumpkin, he does it with class and dignity.

Despite his penchant for trickery, Cotton is devoted to his wife and his son (who had a birth defect that lead to the child's loss of hearing). It appears that he works so hard at fooling the masses so that he can bring in money to help with his son's therapy.

A local sensation, Cotton jumped at the chance to be in a documentary film that would not only expose his spiritual quackery, but perhaps serve as a springboard to bigger and better (as well as more legitimate) things.

Armed with his bag of tricks (including his smoking crucifix), Cotton and his film crew go to the home of a simple farmer and his daughter. The farmer feels that his offspring is possessed by a demon. Sensing that this will be his last exorcism, he pulls out all the plugs and gives the locals what they want - engages in some high tech sleight of hand, and proclaims the farmer's daughter free of evil...

...little did he know, however, that he had walked into something much worse than he could imagine, and soon, he finds himself in the midst of a Satanic double cross that will lead to his death.

Let's face it, it's not hard to find this guy attractive; he's self assured, charismatic, and charming. More than that, when the chips are down, instead of turning away and heading for safety, he tries to come to the aid of the allegedly possessed girl. All in all, that's what makes him one sexy DILF in my book!

Played by: Patrick Fabian.

Son of the Daughter of the Mother of the Father of Horror Porn

2011-04-17T19:14:00.001-04:00

Horror porn goes meta to the nth degree. Check out this blurb from the press release:

The plot: a big adult film company is producing a parody of the classic horror movie Scream when one-by-one the cast and crew are being picked off by a slasher with a grudge. Is it Ghostface himself, or someone else taking his place?

“We have created a movie-within-a-movie that riffs on the entire porn parody craze in the same way that “Scream” deconstructed horror films,” says Braun. “Movie fans will not only love the layers of detail the spoof offers but the sex that fills the script. Eli has put together a clever, sexy movie with hot girls, uproarious fun and plenty of thrills — an excellent recipe for great entertainment.”

This gay porn epic claims to be "critically acclaimed"; by the box cover creator no doubt.

...becuase the original was not outrageous enough?

Best title: Dr. Jerkoff and Mr. Hard. Directed by Wash West (AKA Wash Westmoreland who gave the world the mainstream gay porn thriller, The Fluffer).

Subtle, no?

This one is slated to show sometime in October, check out the press release:

(Chatsworth, CA) Smash Pictures invites you to take a sexual tour through Haddonfield on the most thrilling night of the year in HALLOWEEN XXX Porn Parody! Set to lens soon, HALLOWEEN XXX Porn Parody is an X-rated re-imagining of the classic film. It was thirty three years ago that one of the recognizable horror movies of all time was unleashed and the name Michael Myers became part of pop culture. Now, Smash Pictures revisits that familiar territory with an adult video parody of that iconic film. The nubile babes in danger, the voyeuristic view point of Michael, the sexual escapades of the partying young adults, all elements ripe for parody and to be explored in HALLOWEEN XXX Porn Parody.

“We’re quite excited about this project and are going all out,” says Stuart Wall-VP of Smash Pictures. “I really believe this film will please fans of the original as well as people who want to see erotically entertaining adult movies.”

HALLOWEEN XXX Porn Parody will begin filming in the next few months. To find a porn counterpart to John Carpenter, Smash Pictures looked to award winning veteran adult film director Jim Powers to lens this tribute. Powers has filmed well over a thousand X-rated films and has established himself as a director well-versed in premiere erotica. Powers, himself a fan of the original movie, plans to surprise viewers with the parody. “I’m really going to stay true to the source material,” Powers explained. “It’s rich with sexual overtones that we could utilize. Fans of the movie are going to be thrilled to see how we take the layers of the Carpenter film and have fun with it.”

Casting for the parody’s version of the iconic roles made famous by Jamie Lee Curtis, Donald Pleasance, Nick Castle and P.J. Soles will take place next month. Smash Pictures is looking for talent to re-create the memorable scenes. Be it the sexually charged playfulness of Annie Brackett and Lynda Van Der Klok or the dominating presence of Myers, Smash Pictures wants to stay true to the feel of the original. There is also a standing invitation to any of the ’78 Halloween cast to cameo in HALLOWEEN XXX Porn Parody.

The HALLOWEEN XXX Porn Parody boxcover design plays a perfect homage to the movie poster artwork, with its uniquely sexy take. A set of female silhouettes form the unmistakable pumpkin shape, while Michael’s trademark knife is present in the forefront. Even the recognizable tag line is lampooned with “The Night He Came!” The DVD will come specially packaged in a eye-catching Point Of Purchase display for video stores to capitalize on Halloween sales.

HALLOWEEN XXX Porn Parody is slatted, fittingly, for an October release. This Halloween, be prepared for the night he came!

Not since William Castle : INSIDIOUS

2011-04-10T19:28:00.001-04:00

The bad news about James Wan's Insidious is that Patrick Wilson does not remove his shirt during the course of this film...not once!

The good news about James Wan's Insidious is that it's one of the most entertaining horror films to come down the pike in a very long time.

When a couple and their three children move into a gorgeous old home, the wife (Rose Byrne), almost immediately starts noticing that items she has unpacked are going missing, and books she neatly set on to shelves are found later scattered on the floor. Her eldest son (Ty Simpkins) tells her that he does not like his room, and noises seem to be coming from the attic. Nothing very dramatic here, just enough bumps in the night to set one's nerves on edge.

It's not until the son falls into a coma after a (seemingly) innocuous mishap, that things start getting metaphysical.

After an episode that includes late night rapping's at the front door and ghostly intruders wandering into bedrooms, the family, quite sensibly, cuts their losses and moves into another home. And all is well, for a few minutes, until whatever was haunting these people has found its way to their new address.

With their son still in a coma, and the new house seemingly a welcome center for earth bound spirits, the family, in desperation contacts a medium to set things right. It's at this point that Insidious goes from a creepy, spine chiller, to a balls-to-the-wall fun ride complete with wailing ghosties, astral projection, disembodied hands coming out of kitchen drawers; and a demonic being who is fond of Tiny Tim's rendition of Tip Toe through the Tulips - I am pretty sure that a kitchen sink is also featured somewhere as well.

I've already heard some folks claim that they enjoyed the film until the final quarter claiming it was too over the top for their tastes. That's odd, becuase I found the final quarter of Insidious a hell of a lot of fun. From Lynn Shaye's charming portrayal of the spiritualist, to Leigh Whannell and Angus Sampson's much needed comic relief as the bumbling assistants, to the cavalcade of costumed creeps popping up in clothes closets, to the wacky seance complete with archaic cameras and gas masks -- this is the kind of fun stuff not seen since the time of William Castle (why weren't our seats rigged with buzzers, where were the ghost glasses, why no life insurance policy). You see, that is the beauty of Insidious; what begins as a truly eerie suspense piece, eventually morphs into a seat-of-the-pants-thrill ride. It's called showmanship, kids. It's called entertainment!

Yeah, this is a rave. I loved this film. So get up off your asses, get a ticket, leave all expectations at the door, and strap your self in for a fun ride.

Fun? Remember fun? Apparently, James Wan does.

All of Them Witches: Häxan

2011-04-02T21:11:00.001-04:00

"Hide witch, hide - the good folk come to burn thee. Their keen enjoyment hid behind a gothic mask of duty."

Danish filmmaker Benjamin Christensen's 1922 silent documentary, Häxan is the kind of movie that probably works best watched late in the evening while the viewer is under the influence of some kind of illicit drug - or very strong alcoholic beverage.

Presented as a serious look at the ancient belief in demons and witches, and the subsequent hysteria that ensued resulting in the deaths of thousands of (mostly) females during the middle ages by pious church leaders, Häxan depicts a nightmarish world populated by hideous daemons, and equally hideous priests, monks and judges; all with one goal in common: the denigration of women. To be sure, we witness Satan beckoning sleeping maidens from their beds, or tormenting nuns with heretical commands - while on the other hand we witness mean spirited witch hunters who seemingly take delight in the torture and execution of women accused of the black arts.

Filled with archaic wood cuts and statuary to illustrate the narrative (eagle eyed viewers will note, very early in the proceedings, a drawing of The Exorcist's own, Pazuzu) and then dramatizations, Häxan seduces the viewer with its imagery. The vignettes are hypnotic, disturbing, and deeply, darkly gorgeous - whether we are watching witches standing over a cauldron making potions, or spectral boogey men attempting to seduce a naked woman, everything works perfectly.

What is most fascinating is how Christensen wraps up his film by explaining away the devil-madness of the past and equating it to the recent (recent for 1922) epidemic of "nervous hysteria" in women. While his heart was probably in the right place, it all comes off rather condescending ... but that's a very small complaint. All in all, Häxan is a gem of a find, and if you have not seen this one, then by all means, seek it out ... and if you have some stash laying around from that Black Sabbath concert you went to back in 1974, well, roll up a fat one, sit back, and prepare to have your mind blown !

Popcorn Movie of the Moment: Skyline

2011-03-26T20:24:00.001-04:00

I thought I was going to hate co-director's Colin and Greg Strause's Skyline. It seemed to break every rule I have about what makes a movie worthless. In the first fifteen minutes several rock or rap songs are used to pad scenes, a cringe worthy homophobic moment happens where some spying party guests discover two men engaged in oral sex (the sex isn't cringe worthy, but the reactions from the guests are), a majorly underdeveloped love triangle that is only used for some nonsensical plot complications happens, and of course a lot of that A.D.H.D. / herky jerky camera movements abound that makes me want to kick in my television screen...

But then, something interesting happened. Once the movie's action began, I found myself being seduced by this clever little alien invasion flick.

Cobalt blue streams of light descend from the sky onto night time Los Angeles, and instantly things begin getting wacky. People who gaze into the blue light first find themselves mesmerized by it, and then seem to start to transform, their skin revealing black web-like clusters, and their eyes glazing over. If they continue staring, they eventually find themselves pulled into the light until they seemingly vanish. Later on it is revealed that people are being sucked up en masse into monolithic ships that float silently above the city of angels, "Just like the rapture", as one of the film's character's says.

Indeed, one of the pleasures of Skyline is the way the story sort of takes the mythos of biblical end-times and adds a science fiction slant to them (bodies ascending into the heavens, brilliant rays of light from above, celestial-like-creatures floating through the sky). Even more entertaining is the way Skyline incorporates the feel of several other science fiction films including Cloverfield (humongous monster on a rampage), War of The Worlds (obviously) and dozens of those 1950's b-film / sci-fi epics.

What sets Skyline apart from the others, is its rather bleak theme. It seems that the aliens have come to harvest humans brains, literally, using our grey matter (which, by the time the aliens have finished with it, is glowing blue) as a source of nourishment and energy. That bleak theme, continues to the bitter end. Yes, there is an oddly, somewhat possibly, optimistic coda to the film, but all in all, Skyline leaves us facing a dead, decimated planet with no hope of redemption.

In spite of all of this, Skyline works as an entertaining popcorn style movie. Just keep reaching in and enjoying each crunchy, salty bite, and you'll find yourself hankering for more.

Finally, I was impressed to discover that this film's budget was something like ten million dollars (a mere pittance in Hollywood these days), and yet, it was a hell of a lot more entertaining than most of the crap being churned out by the studios. Give it a look-see for your self, you might be pleasantly surprised.

Funny Games with George and Martha - Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?

2011-03-23T18:32:00.000-04:00

In memory of the passing of the incomparable Elizabeth Taylor, one from the vaults:

You can sit around with the gin running out of your mouth; you can humiliate me; you can tear me to pieces all night, that's perfectly okay, that's all right.

So you think you've seen horror films, huh? You think you've had your nerves shattered by Freddy, Norman, Michael and Jason? You think you've been taken to the edge watching movies like Saw and Hostel?

Ha! That's all kid stuff when you stack it up against one of the most gut wrenching, nerve racking, unapologetic kick to the balls that is Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf. Go ahead, strap yourself in and see if you can really stand being dragged to hell.

Based on a play by Edward Albee, Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf.tells the tale of George and Martha; he's an alcoholic, impotent college professor - she's his blowzy, boozy wife... and she's also the daughter of the college's Dean.

One night George and Martha invite a young couple (Nick and his wife, Honey) over to their home after a dinner party, and that's when the fun begins. Mind games are on the menu tonight, and these games put anything Jigsaw ever dreamed of to shame - oh sure, you won't see any blood or guts, but that's besides the point, these games go deeper and they rip open and trample the heart, the soul and the psyche. You see, George and Martha are well versed in verbal and psychological abuse, and they'll make their way into the deepest recess of your being to where your insecurities lie, and expose them to the booze soaked light of reality.

Worried about your man hood? Martha's got your number. Think your wife might have made sexual advances to your son? George has got you covered.

But innocent bystanders fall by the wayside when the collegiate creeps turn the dark rays on each other...it's no holds bared when you can so fuck with each others heads that you can create and kill a child that has never really existed!

For the young folk out there, keep in mind that Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf.is a long, talky, drama - these were the kind of movies people used to pay good money to see before our collective brains went all ADHD thanks to television and video games- also, most of the film is set in a cluttered living room, there are no special effects to speak of ...well except one: Elizabeth Taylor (who plays Martha) was considered one of the most beautiful women of her time (Think Angelina Jolie, but with talent) - in order for her to become believable as a hateful, gin soaked harpy, she gained 35 pounds, and went through a make over that went something like this:

The rest of the cast is equally phenomenal. Richard Burton (Taylor's husband at the time) is a slimy, scary creation - he's so believable, you can almost smell him (I imagine cheap cologne, gin, cigarette smoke and something musty).

As for the young couple: George Segal is a handsome if innocuous young professor, but Sandy Dennis steals the show as his dippy, naive wife.

All in all, Who's Afraid of Virgina Woolf separates the men from the boys. You can talk a big game about how you might have watched Cannibal Holocaust, but if you really want to earn your merit badge in the world of cinematic mind fucks, try and sit through this one and see if you don't come away battered and beaten down.

I'd love for my fellow horror bloggers to give this one a chance, if you do watch the film, or if you've seen it, let me know what you think. As for the rest of you: what are you waiting for? George and Martha are waiting, bottles in hand, ice in glasses, and games ready to be played - dare you join them?

Wes Craven's New Cocktail: My Soul to Take

2011-03-20T09:23:00.001-04:00

Add 1/2 oz A Nightmare on Elm Street's teens in peril thanks, in part, to a family secret.
*stir in 1/3 oz Scream's nerdy boys bromance.
*add 1/5 oz Shocker's psychopathic killer's soul on a rampage.
*stir in 1/4 oz Scream, Scream II and Scream III's who is this masked killer amongst us? dilemma.
*toss in a hint of The Last House on the Left's revenge theme.

Blend on high speed until everything is mixed to a bloody, ridiculous pulp and serve with a grain of salt.

Help Save Japan For the Price of a DVD!

2011-03-14T18:36:00.000-04:00

Dear Horror Fans, Fellow Bloggers, and Anyone Who Might Have Stumbled Upon This page:

As you are aware, Japan was recently devastated by an 8.9-magnitude earthquake and a catastrophic tsunami, as well as several jarring aftershocks. In the wake of this, there is also a very good chance of several of Japan's nuclear power plants going into melt down mode.

Thousands are dead, and hundreds of thousands are injured, homeless and in dire need of help.

And that's where you come in, gentle reader.

Today, I am asking you, horror movie fans, to make a small sacrifice. Today, I am asking you to lay out what you might pay for a DVD - nine dollars and ninety nine cents - and make a donation to the Red Cross.

Simply click on Godzilla above and you will be taken to the Red Cross page for Japan. From there, you can make your pledge and know that you've done something decent.

And, hey, if you don't have 9.99 - send what you can! Or if you are feeling extremely benevolent, send more! It's all up to you.

Thanks so much,

Pax Romano

The Subtle Beauty of The Legend of Hell House

2011-03-13T15:02:00.001-04:00

Having recently re-watched John Hough's classic, The Legend of Hell House, I was struck by what a gorgeous film it really is. Putting the somewhat convoluted plot aside, the movie is filled with such subtle beauty and such outrageous (albeit brief) sexual shenanigans, that I found myself rewinding just to watch certain scenes over again. Here are few captures , and if you have not seen this movie from 1973, get on over to Netflix and do so now!

Emeric Belasco commands it!